"Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo." - Chevy Chase, "Fletch"
Ahh, it's Friday again and the air is crisp and semi-cool for Austin, so let's recap the monumental achievements of the week which don't include new House speakers, mass kidnappings or presidential exploratory committees.
At 2 Dollar Productions, we cut right to the most crucial stories like:
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes flew to Rome this week, and intend to get married in the romantic medieval castle of Odescalchi on the shores of Lake Bracciano. 
Five hundred VIP guests are expected at the festivities, 150 of which will be flown in by Pulp Fiction actor and pilot John Travolta in his $125-million Boeing 707. Russell Crowe, Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett, Steven Spielberg and the Beckhams are expected to attend.
Following the ceremony, Katie will be locked in the castle dungeon until the honeymoon. Why Holmes didn't "lose" her passport or fake her own death, I'll never know.
One couple is coming together, but Jude Law and Sienna Miller have separated permanently citing "fundamental differences" for the end of their three-year relationship. 
I guess you could call the willful shagging of homely nannies "fundamental differences." No reports have confirmed if the film "Alfie" had anything to do with the decision.
Emmitt Smith won "Dancing With The Stars" this week. 
Although I never watched an episode of the hit show, I was rooting for Smith to wipe that shit-eating grin off of Mario Lopez's face. I don't despise A.C. Slater, however, I've seen too many pictures of him looking distressingly earnest lately to wish him well.
K-Fed supposedly scrawled this message on a bathroom stall after Britney filed for divorce:
The man is a true poet.
O.J. Simpson has written a book that speculates how, hypothetically, he could have killed his ex-wife and her friend, and that bastion of taste and class, Fox network announced plans to televise an interview with the former football star and Nordberg from "The Naked Gun."
Fox plans to broadcast a two-part interview with Simpson to discuss the issue.
Let me save you a bit of time so you don't have to tune in: There's nothing hypothetical about it - the Juice did it.
A good mood deserves a good image to end with and since we like thongs and attitude around here, let's go with: 
Here's to service with a smile . . . And Happy Friday!
-BDS & JWS
OJ Simpson is such a creepy weirdo...
Have you seen that horrid William Shatner gameshow. I tuned in for about 10 mins just to check it out, the dancing ladies....I'm surprised it was not removed from the air before the first hour was up...AWFUL!!!!
I'm so mad...I just typed this HUGE comment, and Blogger kicked me out. I'll be back to repeat that epic novel.
Miss Ash - O.J. is a disgrace, and I saw a preview for that show, which looked so incredibly awful that I'm not at all suprised by your assesment.
Jlee - Damn blogger. It kicks you in the ass when you need it the most. But come on back, we'll be here all week.
"...and try the veal..."
ok, let's see..
"TomKat" *barf* We may get a pool going at work on how long this will last. We bet on all sorts of things...verdicts, relationships, "Dancing with the Stars", football (I'm in 2nd place)We have no shame. In the "JLo/Affleck" bet, no one won because they never got married at all. I think I nearly won the Kobe Bryant verdict bet, but anyway...
Sienna is clearly smarter, since she traded up and slept with Daniel Craig. Nothing like revenge sex with James Bond.
Go Emmitt! He is clearly not the better dancer, but he's just so damn nice. Did you see Mario's partner when they announced it? She was pissed and said something like "this is the real champion" regarding Mario. sore loser
Speaking of bets, I'll be KFed and Paris Hilton hook up next. I got $5 on it.
O.J.: "let's SUPPOSE I took out a knife, and SUPPOSE I stabbed my wife repeatedly..." idiot
The thong pic reminds me of Britney Murphy, but I don't think her butt is as cute.
If only I could actually do a post as long as my comments...
Happy Friday!
Oh the pre homicidal days when OJ played Nordberg & ran through airports. Gone forever. Well Happy Friday!!!
I don't really think about whether there is a heaven or hell, but when it comes to OJ, I sure as fuck hope hell exists.
Side note: reports of a $12K PlayStation 3 purchase on eBay. For that kind of jack, I'm expecting the PS3 to give vibrating hand jobs.
so how does that work that you BOTH write a post? do you split it paragraph by paragraph? just curious. Happy Friday!
Jlee - You weren't kidding about length, but we're not afraid of that around here, so all that betting sounds like a good way to pass the time. And you're right as the thong pic does look like Brintney Murphy, but with a cuter face & butt.
Nobich - I forgot about those commercials, and he was great as Nordberg. Too bad. Happy Friday.
Tbone - That is utter lunacy as the thing retails for like $700 which is high enough. And I want more than a handjob for that because there's no way the PS3 is better than me. No way.
Anonymous - It works like this: I write all the funny parts and my brother fills in the rest. He might disagree.
-BDS
Following the wedding, Katie's brain will be surgically removed and replaced with a Scientology created mini-brain so she will never have to have a single idea or thought of her own...
Cheers!
Oh, that K-Fed is a charmer, eh?
I wonder what exactly Brit caught him doing? More than the hard partying, I'm guessing *wink*
WooHoo Yay Emmitt!
He is such a sweet man, that's why I was rooting for him.
Happy Friday!
I like the Fletch quote lol.
OJ Simpson is so scary, he makes my skin crawl. :O
Kayla - You're probably right about Katie's brain, it was probably as much as what K-Fed wasn't doing (i.e. any kind of respectable work) as much as what he was doing (which was probably also awful) and Happy Friday right back at you.
Carmel - The Juice tends to have that effect on people. There's so many quotable Fletch lines, but that one came to me last night.
the sad thing about K-Fed?
Even now OJ has more charm than him.
I'm an Emmit fan. I admit it. Didn't watch the show, either, but was pulling for him.
Idig - Sad but true. And that's bad.
Julia - I'll take that as a positive statement (I hope) and it reminds me of Uma Thurman in the "Pulp Fiction" bathroom scene for some strange reason.
Bostonpobble - He just seems like a fairly nice guy to be around.