Blog Archive

Quick Hit Halloween Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, October 31, 2008 18 comments

"Are you a Mexi-CAN or a Mexi-CAN'T?" - Johnny Depp, "Once Upon a Time in Mexico"

Depp had just exploded with the first "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie when he moved into his role in 'Mexico,' an entertaining if mostly incomprehensible flick.

Personally, I feel that I can do virtually anything today, and the only thing I know that I can't do is work a full day since it's Halloween and the weather is hovering around 80 degrees with sunshine. But before I run for cover, let's look at the important stories of the week such as:

Jerry Lewis made an anti-gay slur on Australian television similar to one he apologized for using on his annual telethon a year ago.

Lewis, 82, was asked by a Network Ten national TV reporter for his opinion on the Australian nation sport of cricket. "Oh, cricket? It's a f-- game. What are you, nuts?" Lewis replied. The network broadcast the comment in full on its Friday evening news bulletin along with footage of Lewis handling an imaginary cricket bat with an effeminate gesture.

GLAAD president Neil G. Giuliano was not amused, and said in a statement: "Clearly he did not take the lessons of that unfortunate episode to heart because, in an effort to be humorous, he has once again managed to offend and defame the gay community," he said.

Giuliano forgot to mention the offense to the global Cricket community whose Australian chapter chased Lewis out of the country with their sporting bats.

The father of Britney Spears will retain control over the singer's personal and business affairs indefinitely, a Los Angeles judge ruled on Tuesday.

Jamie Spears and a Los Angeles lawyer were granted temporary control of Spears' affairs until Dec. 31st after the pop princess was twice hospitalized for psychiatric evaluation. Spears can request it to be lifted at a later date.

"The conservatorship is necessary and appropriate for the complexity of financial and business entities and her being susceptible to undue influence," said the judge, Reva Goetz.

In his ruling, the judge wrote that "Spears can request a change in status once she can spell complexity."

ABC has ordered a comedy pilot - "Cougar Town" in which the former "Friends" star Courtney Cox will play an attractive newly single 40-year-old mom with a 17-year-old son.

"Forty-year-old women on TV are so beautiful and perfect and wrinkle-free," said creator Bill Lawrence, who first worked with Cox when he was a writer on "Friends." "People don't do the reality of it, and there is a real comedy area about a woman who is talking about Botox, about having sex with the lights on and how her body is changing."

If it hadn't already, the term 'Cougar' has now officially 'Jumped the Shark' and should be retired.

British comedian Russell Brand ("Forgetting Sarah Marshall") resigned from his popular BBC radio show this week following public outrage regarding prank calls made to veteran actor Andrew Sachs.

Brand hosts the show fellow UK comic Jonathan Ross, and the duo left a series of obscene voice mails for Sachs, taunting the 78-year-old "Fawlty Towers" star about an affair Brand had with Sachs' granddaughter, Georgina Baillie.

"As I only do the radio show to make people laugh I've decided that, given the subsequent coverage, I will stop doing the show," said Brand. "I got a bit caught up in the moment and forgot that, at the core of the rude comments and silly songs, were the real feelings of a beloved and brilliant comic actor and a very sweet and big-hearted young woman."

I've glad this precedent wasn't established when I was growing up or I would have been forced to resign from middle school.

Actor Keanu Reeves told a Los Angeles court on Tuesday that he did not knock down a paparazzo photographer with his Porsche to avoid having his picture taken, and instead, insisted that the photographer stumbled while walking backward.

The "Matrix" actor testified in the civil lawsuit brought against him by the photographer, who claimed he had lost earnings because of injuries to his wrist in the March 2007 incident.

In filing the lawsuit, the photographer included footage of Keanu's driving from "Speed" to showcase his amazing driving skills.

Joaquin Phoenix announced his acting retirement to the TV show "Extra" at a benefit for Paul Newman's camps for kids on Monday.

"I want to take this opportunity ... to give you the exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact that this will be my last performance as an actor," the two-time Oscar nominee said. "I'm not doing films anymore."

"Yeah. I'm working on my music," Phoenix insisted. "I'm done. I've been through that."

Phoenix will undoubtedly be working on his music which nobody cares about until they greenlight a sequel to "Gladiator."

The CW announced that they are exploring a remake of the 1990s soap "Melrose Place" after finding success with revamping "Beverly Hills, 90210" this year.

The plot of the "Melrose Place" remake is still murky, however, a search is under way for a writer to pen the project.

How hard can it be to find an author: Just make sure everyone is attractive, make sure they all sleep with each other in various permutations and have a swimming pool in the complex which people can be throw into and you're 98% finished.

As always, let's end with 100% gold image (s) such as:

These pics boast two qualities I admire quite a bit as dressing for the cold weather and limberness are attributes that I can stand behind. So, make sure to stretch your muscles thoroughly today, pick out clothes appropriate for the weather and Happy Halloween Friday!


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Halloween Flashes And Bashes . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, October 29, 2008 15 comments

For whatever reason, I'm not particularly excited about Halloween parties this year.

It's unfortunate because Halloween actually falls on a Friday, so the stars seem well-aligned for mischief. There are beverages to be consumed as punch is actually drinkable at these kinds of bashes, although I wouldn't recommend becoming involved with any drinking games this year if they revolve around the number of women who will dress up as Sarah Palin because the figure will be astronomical.

I understand the rationale since the election is at a fever pitch, and the outfit is amazingly simple as all you need is an up-do, glasses and skirt-suit and you're ready to party.

Then again, a plethora of Palin's is far superior to this outfit which was worn at last year's party:

That was either a mean Trick or an unfortunate Treat, but it did make things livelier on the dance floor when "Brickhouse" came on around midnight.

As for my own costume, I am even less excited about spending money on one, so I will undoubtedly fall back on my old standby, The Flasher:

It looks pretty damn real doesn't it?

All I need to complete things is the trench coat I picked up at a Goodwill years ago, which I believe is buried somewhere in the garage. This outfit remains a crowd pleaser, and besides, we've got a souring economy and I've got sunk costs poured into trench coats and fake rubber dildos and I'll be damned if I don't put them to good use.


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Corporate Etiquette 110 . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, October 27, 2008 20 comments

{The workplace is a jungle filled with jackals, wineheads and bosses with mouths like a crocodile. There are also decent people, but I'm starting to question the percentages. This is the 10th in a series of corporate encounters which offer no easy resolutions.}

Several years ago I made my living as a personal trainer. My current position is far removed from the health care/gigolo industry, and yet my previous life continues to bubble up time and again.

This past Friday, I closed a sizable deal which gained visibility up to our CEO's office. Our leader considers himself something of a physical specimen with a fitness regime that includes martial arts displays in an unused back portion of our office (see previous series entry for details).

He will occasionally stop by my office, and discuss his previous workout in great detail, a conversational stance which is only slightly more interesting than watching paint dry, masturbating in the dark or cutting my toenails.

But on Friday afternoon, it was 80 degrees and nearly 4 p.m. and I was about to flee towards a rooftop bar downtown when he suddenly appeared at my desk and announced that we needed to celebrate the deal being closed with push-ups. Seriously.

"I appreciate the gesture, but maybe we should save the celebration for next week," I said, hoping that this postponement would mean it would never happen.

"Nonsense. Let's go."

I reluctantly came around the desk and we moved into the main office area. The CEO made a small speech about my contribution, the importance of the end of the year for the company and a few other things as I kept trying to inch towards the back of the crowd.

"And now, we're going to celebrate the deal with 90 push-ups. BDS come join me."


Polite applause. I drifted forward and then found myself next to our CEO, on the ground and doing 3 sets of 30 push-ups as my mind wondered how in the hell this seemed reasonable to anyone involved in the proceedings.

Luckily, it ended and I got a back slap and kept a wide grin on my face as I pretended to head back to my office. I kept walking past the back exit, down to my car and straight to the bar where I sipped a Fat Tire and pondered the implications of celebration by push-up.

Even after 3 more beers, I couldn't make any sense of it.


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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, October 24, 2008 17 comments

"Awww, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke," - Tom Berenger, "The Big Chill"

I subscribe to that theory uttered by Tom Berenger even if I don't particularly care for his movies with the exception of 'Chill' and 'Major League.'

Anyway, it's another perfect weather day in Austin, which means I need to finish work and quickly disappear in the early afternoon for a better destination, one with a patio and cold beer should suffice. But before I start making myself scarce, let's look at the important stories of the week such as:

Faith Hill will appear in a bikini on the cover of the December issue of Shape, crediting her thrice-weekly Pilates workouts for her ultra-toned figure.

"... Wearing a bikini on a magazine cover is my 41st birthday present to myself," Hill told the magazine.

It's also a gift to me Faith, and I truly appreciate the gesture.

Nick Hogan, the 18-year-old son of celebrity wrestler Hulk Hogan, was released from jail in Florida after serving five months for causing a serious traffic crash.

Nick was arrested last year after authorities say he sped through a busy street and crashed his father's car, critically injuring a friend and former Marine.

It was unclear how many times Nick was "body slammed" or placed in the "Camel Clutch" while in prison, however, it's practically guaranteed he was the victim of at least one "pile-driver."

Britney Spears' driver's license case has been declared a mistrial.

A jury foreman announced that the panel failed to agree after four votes about whether the singer was guilty of driving without a valid driver's license, a misdemeanor. Jurors deliberated more than 8 hours.

The judge thanked the jurors for their service, but added that he hoped in the future they "would spend less than 7 hours discussing whether or not a sex tape with Spears performing actually does exist."

A wild car chase that previously led to Lindsay Lohan's arrest caused another lawsuit this week as court records show that three men who claim they were in a sport utility vehicle that Lohan commandeered in July 2007 sued the "Mean Girls" star over allegations including battery, false imprisonment and negligence.

Lohan's attorney, Ed McPherson, called the lawsuit "absurd."

In a related story, two elderly women are also suing Lohan for negligence and false imprisonment after purchasing tickets for the 2007 movie - "I Know Who Killed Me" - claiming they were unable to leave the theater before the film mercifully ended.

Lohan's attorney, Ed McPherson, called the lawsuit "absolutely reasonable."

In other legal news, David Duchovny filed a lawsuit Wednesday against The Daily Mail over a story that claimed he had cheated on his wife - Tea Leoni - with tennis coach Edit Pakay.

The lawsuit takes issue with the London paper's story which claimed the 48-year-old actor had sought out 28-year-old Pakay as a tennis instructor and that their relationship turned into a "full-blown sexual affair." Duchovny is seeking $1 million in damages for the alleged defamation and invasion of privacy.

I guess the score in their tennis matches was constantly "Over-40 Love." Ouch.

William Shatner railed against his old "Star Trek" co-star George Takei this week in a video posted on Shatner's Web site.

He lashed out at Takei for not inviting him to his wedding last month as Shatner, 77, said Takei, who played Enterprise helmsman Sulu, bears him a grudge that kept him from being invited to Takei's nuptials.

"The whole thing makes me feel badly," Shatner said in the video. "Poor man. There is such a sickness there. It's so patently obvious that there is a psychosis there. I don't know what his original thing about me was. I have no idea."

Obviously, Shatner's social calendar is running on empty if missing Takei's wedding caused him this grief.

A 19-year-old hacker who posted racy photos of Disney starlet Miley Cyrus on the Internet said he was raided by the FBI in Tennessee this week.

The hacker, Josh Holly, bragged openly about obtaining the photos from an email account of the 15-year-old star of "Hannah Montana," and even gave interviews to bloggers and boasted that he moved so often that authorities would never catch him.

"I was just kind of shaking. I was thrown way off guard," he told "I guess somebody ended up ratting me out."

Holly thought he was safe once he crossed outside the borders of the state of Montana, but he should have known that Miley Cyrus can find anyone on the planet as she has spies everywhere.

Per usual, let's finish with some gold image(s):

If you find yourself naked or semi-naked and alone in a forest, don't hesitate to call me as this can be dangerous. So, don't forget to think of others today, keep an eye out for strangers in need and . . . Happy Friday!


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4 Score And Nearly 700 Posts Ago . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, October 20, 2008 16 comments

Today marks the 4th year since $2 Dollar Productions appeared as a functioning blog.

The first year was questionable at best as I had very few clues as to what blogging entailed, however, it all began with this post:

I just arrived back to the U.S. after a tour through Italy and Ireland , red wine and Guinness and too many public bathrooms where you had to pay to enter. But it's nice to come back and find this thing off and running and chronicling our attempt to write and sell a comedy script from the ground up. We'll see. In the meantime, a brutal and savage re-write is needed before anyone should be subjected to actually reading this thing.

That entry referenced the first screenplay that my brother and I wrote - "Last Train to Amsterdam." I still have a strong fondness for it as the script was an ensemble comedy that came within 1 lousy, stinking point of the semi-finals of the International Screenwriting Awards contest. Selah.

One thing I've truly enjoyed about this experience is that blogs are very rarely static creatures. They evolve and take shape as the person who writes them undergoes shifts in their own life and those sea changes provide interesting glimpses into their view of the world. But more than that, it runs the gamut with times of perverse laughter, overwhelming joy, bouts of irritation, crippling anger and just about every emotion in between.

It's been the journey along the way that remains interesting to me.

$2 Dollar Productions was originally meant to be a blog about screenwriting, and a forum for us to get our ideas out to a larger community than Austin, TX. It became quickly apparent that this scope was both too limiting and too boring to write about or to read.

Since then, this blog has chronicled Hollywood events, my fitness modeling odyssey to NYC, erotic photography, drunken Vikings, movie reviews, discussions on monogamy, travel destinations, workplace debauchery, and a second screenplay that is currently kicking around very slowly on the West Coast.

662 posts have been needed to cover those topics and many others and I've enjoyed it immensely along the way.

The other piece of the equation is the blogging community at large. This is by far the richer, more satisfying blogging perk as I can think of no other forum that would have allowed me to come into contact with so many different people spread around the world. From the United States up north to Canada, across the pond to the U.K. and then onto Australia and beyond, it's been a privilege and a hell of a lot of fun peering into the thoughts of others.

The topics and tones vary widely, however, if you pay attention to the details then you can get a fortunate glimpse into different ways of looking at the world.

4 years have come and gone so quickly that I'm still a bit shocked by the figures. I have no crystal ball nor the ability to see how long $2 Dollar Productions will keep the doors open and how it might change as life it ownself rears its ugly head. For now, I'll finish with a collection of my favorite images from the start of $2 Dollar Productions until October 20,2008.

I hope you enjoy them as I'm taking off the remainder of the week until Quick Hit Friday pulls me back into the blogging vortex because Hollywood never takes a day off.


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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, October 17, 2008 20 comments

"The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self awareness," - Susan Sarandon, "Bull Durham"

Great quote. Even better movie. I've heard they are talking about making a sequel, which sounds like a truly horrible idea, but then again, nobody asked me. Selah.

Oh well, it's Friday and the weather is damn near perfect in Austin. Sunny and dry with a high in the mid-80s before dropping into the 60s at night. I plan to take full advantage both outdoors and indoors this weekend, but before that happens let's look at the hard stories of the week such as:

British newspapers reported Wednesday that Madonna and filmmaker Guy Ritchie are set to end their marriage after nearly eight years.

Citing unnamed sources, The Sun and Daily Mail said the couple hoped to have a divorce finalized by Christmas. The Sun said that Madonna, 50, had wanted to wait until her latest world tour wraps up in Brazil in December before announcing the split.

I'm betting Madonna returns from Brazil with a heavy heart and a buff Brazilian in a Speedo to help ease the pain of divorce.

Rocker John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston proved they could still be friends after they were recently spotted enjoying a meal at Il Mulino in New York together.

A source tells, "They looked like they were having a fantastic time."

The pair broke up in August after several months of dating.

I guess they're now 'Friends' with benefits, eh?

Maureen McCormick - Marcia from the TV show "The Brady Bunch" - has a new memoir coming out entitled "Here's the Story: Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice."

The actress writes of her romance with TV sibling Barry Williams, who played Greg Brady, dates with Michael Jackson and Steve Martin, and her many addictions which ultimately led her to trade sex for drugs.

McCormick wrote concerning her first kiss with Williams that: " . . . we continued to kiss and press against each other so closely that we could feel each other's body heat, a part of me — a tiny part, admittedly — said to myself, `Oh my God! I'm kissing my brother. What am I doing?'"

On Martin: "I remember him being a very good kisser," McCormick writes about Martin. "But I was insecure and either high or spaced out (most likely both), and I didn't laugh at his jokes."

Meanwhile the actress who played Jan on the TV series was quoted as saying "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia is such a druggy slut."

Ringo Starr said this week that he will begin placing all fan mail into the trash because after 45 years of stardom, he doesn't want to spend any more time answering mail or sending signed photos back to fans.

The fan fatigue led the former Beatles drummer to post a sometimes angry sounding short video clip on his Web site telling fans that any mail sent to him after Oct. 20 will not be read or answered.

"It's going to be tossed," he says on the video. "I'm warning you with peace and love, I have too much to do. So no more fan mail. Thank you, thank you. And no objects to be signed. Nothing. Anyway, peace and love, peace and love."

Simply put, Starr would rather spread peace and make love than sign any more pieces of memorabilia, so piss off everyone. You have to admire his honesty I suppose, but then again, I honestly wonder who is still sending him so much fan mail?

Britney Spears is gearing up for a tour next spring, her first outing since 2004, sources said. The arena trek will help promote her new album, "Circus," due December 2 via Jive Records.

If Spears incorporates a real circus into her act then I might buy a ticket as I'm a sucker for watching the guy who gets shot out of the cannon.

David Duchovny and his wife Tea Leoni revealed Wednesday in a statement to People magazine that they've been separated for a while after 11 years of marriage.

The statement from their reps reads: "In light of continuous speculation over the lives and marriage of Tea Leoni and David Duchovny, the couple has confirmed that they have in fact been separated for several months. The couple had hoped to keep this separation private for the sake of their [two] children."

Divorce is never fun, however, I imagine it will also be a huge setback for Duchovny's recovery from sex addiction as most guys attempt to sleep with anything that moves following one.

After the positive response last week, I figured that doubling up on a final gold image(s) can hurt so:

I always enjoy studying a complete picture of things before truly understanding them. So, remember to look things over front to back today, leave no stone unturned and . . . Happy Friday!


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