Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, February 26, 2010 16 comments

“I’m looking for a dare to be great situation,” – John Cusack, ‘Say Anything’

It’s really too bad that Cusack has gone from great material like ‘Say Anything’ to the upcoming ‘Hot Tub Time Machine,’ which I recently saw a preview for on basic cable. Oh well, we all have bills to pay.

I plan to be far from great today, and instead, will settle for mildly capable if the situation presents itself. But before I leave the office by 3 p.m., let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

Lindsay Lohan said in an interview this week that ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson is the only woman for her – and if she doesn't reunite with the celebrity deejay, then Lohan would date men once again.

"I never really thought about women before, it kind of just happened with Samantha. It surprised me," Lohan told the U.K. Sun tabloid. She added, "If I wasn't with Samantha, I would probably be with a boy next.”

Some might say that Ronson could pass for a 18-year-old boy herself, so Lohan has already had the best of both worlds. Or the worst.

Charlie Sheen's wife, Brooke Mueller, pulled out of a Malibu, California rehab center after a "major breach of her privacy," her lawyer told CNN Monday.

Mueller immediately checked into "a private, secure facility" to continue her substance abuse rehab so she can be "the best mother" to her children, attorney Yale Galanter said. He also said that he was planning a lawsuit against the Canyon -- the rehab center -- after confidential details of her treatment were given to journalists over the weekend.

"I am going to make them pay like you can't believe for screwing over my client," Galanter said. "You can quote me on that."

Only I’m allowed to screw over my client, and I get a hefty fee for that very purpose, Galatner added.

In a related story, Charlie Sheen checked himself into rehab on for substance abuse issues. Seriously.

The "Two and a Half Men" star forced a surprise halt on production of the series. "We wish him nothing but the best as he deals with this personal matter," said a statement attributed to CBS, Warner Bros. and executive producer Chuck Lorre.

The actor's spokesman, Stan Rosenfield, described his client's decision to enter rehab as a "preventative measure" and added he would "take some time off" from the series.

The first question Sheen was asked in rehab was: “Why are you here?” and he responded with “Drugs,” thus completing his full circle turn with his ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’ character.

Playgirl magazine offered NFL player and former dog-fighting felon Michael Vick one million dollars to pose nude for the magazine.

The magazine would donate the money to the animal-activists group PETA -- if he agrees to a pictorial. Playgirl spokesman Daniel Nardicio told Life and Style magazine: "I sent the request to Michael Vick on Wednesday. But we haven't heard back yet. I figured he paid back society for dog fighting, but what about the animals?

She added, we just want to see Vick’s bone during the shoot, and that “no doggie-style action would be required – this isn’t Hustler magazine.”

Jennifer Lopez split with her longtime music label, Sony Music, this week and then announced that she has a new deal, rumored to be with Def Jam, who would release her comeback album, ‘Love?’ this summer.

"I am making this statement to put an end to any confusion in regards to my next album, titled Love?" Lopez said, according to Billboard. "I have belonged to the Sony family since the beginning of my career as a singer and together we've had great success. I have fulfilled my contractual responsibilities with Sony/Epic up to this point, and we have both reached friendly terms about my departure from the label. “

Sony is happy because it retained the rights to J Lo’s ass while Def Jam will only possess her singing ability under terms of the new deal.

Fans in Australia walked out of a Whitney Houston concert Wednesday night as her voice was apparently in poor shape.

Bernadette Latta, whose son bought her the tickets as a Christmas gift, said: "It's terrible. I have never walked out before a concert finished but that was just terrible. I'll be suggesting my son tries to get a refund."

It didn’t help when Houston started her concert by announcing “I Will Always Love You, New Zealand.”

Steven Tyler reconciled with the band Aerosmith this week after months of public squabbles where the band auditioned new lead singers and Tyler went to rehab.

But now, the group announced Thursday that they will undergo a summer tour of Europe called “Cocked, Locked, Ready to Rock.”

Tyler spent his entire time away from the band coming up with that touring title.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or three:

Obviously I’ve been misbehaving this week, and feel the subconscious need for a reckoning. So, let the punishment fit the crime today, try to keep things tidy and . . . Happy Friday!


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Thoughts on 'Shutter Island' . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, February 22, 2010 11 comments

Worth Full-Price, Matinee or Rental: 'Shutter Island' is a solidly entertaining project, but even with Martin Scorcese at the helm and a 2 hr. 15 minute running time, it is still not strong enough to justify paying for a full price ticket.

Will I Own It On DVD: No. I might watch it one more time, but that shouldn't translate into a purchase.

Overrall Grade: B-

1) 'Shutter Island' is a twisty, atmospheric thriller that relies on trap-doors and narrative confusion to keep viewers guessing until its conclusion. Consequently, your enjoyment of this 'Island' relies heavily on how involved you become in the labryinth as it unspools and becomes increasingly dense.

2) The movie is set in the 1950s, and the action takes place amost entirely at a heavily-guarded mental institution, an island rehabilitation center filled with violent inmates and a menacing staff led by Ben Kingsley. Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo play federal marshalls assigned to the island to investigate the disappearance of a female inmate. But that skeletal starting point is merely the beginning as DiCaprio's quickly becomes ensnared by his own conflicted motivations for taking the case as he struggles to solve the mystery while also finding a way off the island.

3) The creepy, isolated island setting is probably the strongest element of the film. Scorcese uses the remote location along with the disturbing treatment facilities to instill a distinct sense of paranoia and claustrophia to the proceedings. When a hurricane blows into the island, the situation only becomes more threatening.

Scorcese is far less succesful on land, however, as 'Island' makes frequent use of flashbacks and dream sequences, neither of which I found to be overly compelling. They felt overstylized and never delivered the intendeded impact, at least not for me.

4) DiCaprio does an admirable job in the lead investigative role. He holds multiple plot threads together with his performance, and I found it interesting that DiCaprio finally looks old enough onscreen to be playing adults. For years, he's been taking on adult characters while still looking boyish thanks to his features, but in 'Island,' he finally looks his age, which will probably be a good thing for his career moving forward even though this form appears to be a bit bloated from what looks like not enough physical activity.

The supporting cast is uniformly excellent with nice turns from Kingsley and Ruffalo as well as veteran actor Max Von Shadow.

5) I really wanted to like 'Island' more than I did. I'm a fan of Scorcese and twisted plots, but it's never a good thing when you find yourself becoming less involved as the film reveals its intentions, and that's how I found myself acting towards the conclusion.

Regardless, 'Island' delivers some distinct chills, features uniformly capable acting and many people will likely be more taken in by the plot than I was as evidenced by the film's 40 million dollar opening weekend.


{Editor's Note: Anyone who has already seen this movie - please don't leave any spoilers in the comments section. Thanks.}

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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, February 19, 2010 19 comments

“Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave,” – Val Kilmer, ‘Tombstone’

I’m truly excited that ‘Tombstone’ is finally coming to Blu Ray next month as it features Kilmer’s best performance as Doc Holliday, and it’s also a pretty damn entertaining movie, especially for a pulpy western.

Anyway, I’ll be staying out of graveyards this weekend as my time is open and free and that is an exciting thought. So, before I leave the office by 3 p.m., let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

‘Clerks’ director Kevin Smith was taken off a plane a Southwest Airlines flight this week as the airline claimed that Smith did not fit into a single seat.

Smith complained about the incident on his Twitter account saying: "I'm way fat, but I'm not there just yet." Southwest issued an apology to the director via Twitter and its website.

The fight continued, however, as Smith challenged the airline to bring a row of seats on to a US chat show for him to prove he fit into them.

"If I don't fit, I'll donate $10k to charity of your choice. But when I do (& buckle the belt as well)? 1) You admit you lied. 2) Change your policy, or at least re-train your staff to be a lot more human & a lot less corporate," he wrote.

Regardless of who is at fault here, the one thing made abundantly clear is that Smith needs to go on a diet - immediately.

Tiger Woods’ alleged porn star mistress said this week that the golfer impregnated her twice, both times when his wife was also pregnant, according to an interview she gave to “Inside Edition.”

Joslyn James, the star of such adult classics as ‘Big Breasted Nurses’ and ‘My Sex Teacher #12,’ said her affair with Tiger Woods always involved unprotected sex.

James, 32, claimed that she miscarried in her first pregnancy at about the same time his wife, Elin Nordegren, gave birth to daughter Sam Alexis on June 18, 2007. The other ended with an abortion.

This was the story that finally broke me when it comes to paying any further attention to Tiger Woods infidelity tales, although it does entice me to rent the entire catalogue of the ‘Sex Teacher’ series because they must contain a plethora of lessons if producers needed 12 volumes to cover the course material.

Heidi Montag said this week that she wants to do ‘Playboy’ again now that her multiple plastic surgeries have healed.

"I am doing Playboy again... soon, very soon," Heidi told "I cannot wait to show off my new (DDD) assets, I am very excited."

Wake me when Montag switches to hard-core pornography. Or maybe not.

Nicole Richie announced this week that she is engaged to Joel Madden, the father of her two children, Harlow and Sparrow.

Richie broke the news on the ‘The David Letterman Show.’ The couple have been together for three years.

Nicole said her father, Lionel Richie, was so excited by the news that he has been Dancing on the Ceiling ever since the announcement.

Charlie Sheen's wife Brooke Mueller checked into a rehab center for substance abuse this week.

Mueller, 32, checked into The Canyon rehab facility in Malibu, according to Mueller's lawyer, Yale Galanter, told PEOPLE he was not prepared to comment on the report. But one source confirmed to PEOPLE, "Brooke is in rehab."

Earlier this year, Mueller checked into a North Carolina “wellness program” for “rest” rather than rehab, according to her lawyer.

Not surprisingly, her lawyer is a liar, and Brooke Mueller is on drugs – you could have blown me over with a feather on both accounts.

Gary Coleman unleashed a foul-mouthed tirade this week during an interview on "The Insider," a show Coleman had agreed to appear on to set the record straight about his recent domestic violence arrest.

The 'Diff'rent Strokes' star quickly became angry with the show's guest lawyer, Lisa Bloom, who asked him whether he attacked his wife.

He shouted, "She's (Bloom) pushing my buttons and I don't like her now, the next thing I'm going to do is leave, (expletive) you all." He stormed out of the studio, cursing all the way to his car.

Coleman continued: "She's pushing my buttons, just like my wife did and you see how that turned out." But seriously, Coleman needs help because he's got some big anger issues for such a little body.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or three:

Sometimes the best things come in pairs, whether they be upright, cascading or just hanging out. So, swing loose and free today, enjoy the laws of gravity and . . . Happy Friday!


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Thoughts on 'The Book of Eli' . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, February 17, 2010 15 comments

Worth Full-Price, Matinee or Rental: Possibly a matinee ticket, but then again, a rental would be just fine.

Will I Own It On DVD: No. One time was enough for this one . . .

Overrall Grade: C+

1) I'm just plain tired of post-apocalyptic movies. Earth is always a wasteland, a colorless, perilious world where the lucky ones have already died and everyone else is struggling to get by as evidenced in 'Terminator: Salvation,' 'The Road' and now 'Book of Eli.' Why I've seen all these movies is another matter entirely . . .

2) 'Eli' features the afore-mentioned wasteland, and boasts Denzel Washington as the lead character, a man wandering alone carrying the only edition of the King James Bible left in the world. In this brave new world, reading is a luxury as most of the population has never learned how except for the older citizens, who still recongize the power of the written word.

Gary Oldman is one of those people. He runs a small desert town, and devotes his focus entirely to finding the rumored Bible because he believes the words inside will give him even greater power over the people left in the world.

3) The cast is what elevates 'Eli' into a project worth watching. Washington is as good as he always is as the loner who must carry the Bible west because that's what a voice told him to do. Oldman is also a worthy antagonist, although I prefer my Oldman acting in his gonzo, bat-shit crazy mode of 'The Professional,' and here, he is a bit more restrained.

4) The cinematography in the film is the other interesting aspect as the Hughes Brothers ('From Hell,'Menace 2 Society') give it a gray and washed-out appearance that makes great use of the desert landscape where most of the action occurs. There are also a couple of nicely choregraphed fight scenes as well.

5) Overrall, 'Eli'is a solid film that is elevated by its cast, notably Washington in the lead role. But at the end of the day, it doesn't add anything new to this post-apocalyptic genre, and so the decision to see it should be largely based on whether that depressed world sounds appealing to you.


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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, February 12, 2010 17 comments

“The first thing they shoulda told you at your hooker classes is that you shouldn't ask so many fucking questions.” – Alec Baldwin, “Miami Blues”

‘Blues’ was a weird, off-beat little movie that came out long before Alec Baldwin got fat and funny, and was an interesting project. I plan to be extremely un-interesting this weekend as I am staying away from Valentine’s Day weekend price fix menus and angry chefs and instead will focus my attention inside the confines of my loft.

So, before I leave the office by 3 p.m. to pick up flowers and bring out the other items I’ve already purchased, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

Jamie Lynn Spears and boyfriend Casey Aldridge have split, according to sources close to the couple, and the former Nickelodeon star is supposedly moving on in a new relationship with businessman James Watson.

"She's going through a lot of changes," says a Spears family friend. "It has been painful. She's a young mother and struggling in a lot of areas."

Spears moved out of the Liberty, Miss., house she shared Aldridge and their 19-month-old daughter, Maddie, about six weeks ago and is now living with her mother, Lynne, according to sources. The teenagers had originally planned to marry after Spears, then 16, became pregnant.

Then again, the teenagers originally planned to have sex and not get pregnant, so the best laid plans of the Spears’ clan haven’t exactly worked out all that well from the beginning.

Howard Stern confirmed this week that he is considering leaving Sirius -- and radio altogether -- to become a judge on ‘American Idol’ and replace Simon Cowell when Cowell’s contract expires at the end of this season.

"There's not a better job on the planet than judging that [bleeping] karaoke contest," Stern said.

But Stern did state that he would only join ‘Idol’ if they allowed him to bring his lesbian strippers, stuttering midgets and Robin Quivers along with him.

John Mayer told ‘Playboy’ magazine in an interview for the new issue that he was sexually addicted to Jessica Simpson.

"That girl, for me, is a drug," Mayer, 32, told Playboy. "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me."
"Sexually it was crazy," he says. "That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm."

Even when Mayer is funny you still want him to just shut the fuck up once in awhile.

As a follow-on story, Mayer reportedly broke down during a concert Wednesday, the same day the Playboy interview was made public.

"I quit the media game. I'm out. I'm done," a choked-up Mayer told the audience at Nashville, Tenn.'s Sommet Center, according to E! News. "I just want to play my guitar."

If Mayer would just play his guitar, and take the above advice, he would probably be just fine.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt sued Britain's News of the World tabloid this week over allegations it published about their relationship, their London lawyers said on Monday.

The weekly newspaper had previously reported that the couple planned to separate imminently and had agreed on how they would divide their assets and custody of their children. Keith Schilling of Schillings law firm said the News of the World failed to meet the couple's "reasonable demands" for a retraction of the story and apology.

Their “reasonable demands” included provisions for the newspaper to adopt multiple children from different countries, and for entire editorial staff to receive a ritual flogging from Jolie, neither of which they consented to take part in.

Charlie Sheen was charged with felony menacing Monday in an Aspen court, but the judge also lifted a portion of a protection order that prohibits him from having contact with his wife.

Sheen and his wife, Brooke Mueller Sheen, left the courthouse together following the verdict. It was Sheen's first court appearance since he was jailed Christmas Day in Aspen on domestic violence allegations, and Prosecutor Arnold Mordkin also filed two misdemeanor charges, third-degree assault and criminal mischief, against Sheen, 44.

The felony menacing count stems from allegations that Sheen held his wife at knife point and told her, “You better be in fear. If you tell anybody, I'll kill you. Your mother's money means nothing. I have ex-police I can hire who know how to get the job done and they won't leave any trace.”

That sounds like a parody of some bad Charlie Sheen movie, and it would be even funnier if I didn’t think that Sheen actually believed the words that he threatened Mueller with.

Alex Rodriguez partied with Cameron Diaz in Miami this week during Super Bowl weekend leading to speculation that the two hooked up.

“They were having a great time,” a partygoer told OK! magazine. And this wasn’t a one-night thing, according to the snitch. “A-Rod and Cameron have been totally hooking up.”

I guess Rodriguez showed Diaz a Squeeze Play back in his hotel room after she Stole his heart on the dance floor with her Single-girl out on the town persona, and I just hope they used a Safe word if things turned kinky.

Tom Cruise announced this week that he will produce and star in “Mission: Impossible IV,” Paramount Studios confirmed on Tuesday.

“Tom and J.J. are great talents and we are excited to be working with them to re-launch this legendary franchise,” Paramount Pictures Chairman and CEO Brad Grey said in a statement on Tuesday. The film will be released on Memorial Day weekend 2011.

The impossible mission here will be to actually make a 4th installment that people want to watch.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or three:

My brain feels fuzzy today so I’ll just let these images speak for themselves. So, don’t worry if you’re at a loss for words today, put your best (ass)ets forward and . . . Happy Friday!


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February Sucks . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, February 09, 2010 16 comments

February sucks.

As far as I’m concerned this month is about as useful to me as non-alcoholic beer, soft-core pornography and intelligent animals that still lack opposable thumbs all put together. I think it was the recent run of gray and rainy and cool days that served to remind me of the genuine awful nature of February. Quite simply, there is nothing to look forward to except that the month is mercifully short.

Otherwise, you are forced to deal with a month that boasts no real holidays, only the most cloying and annoying one of them all – Valentine’s Day. And usually these 28 day prison sentences are spent surrounded by patches of the worst weather imaginable. The sky is gray and angry, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli, and constantly threatens the best of intentions.

What else?

Oh yeah, this is also the time of year where they dump the worst movies on the general public as only the real turkeys and debacles and misfires are released. Television is a minor respite. Sports, however, concludes in February with the Super Bowl, which should be a good thing, but in actuality, only provides an upset stomach from eating too much greasy food and a hangover the next day and the sudden realization that football season really is over for a long while.

This unrelenting assault from the February seasonal forces tends to make me extremely grumpy, and I’ve noticed that I have an even shorter fuse than usual when dealing with morons, buffoons, numbskulls, dipshits, shit-heads, Fuller Brush salesman, fuck-knuckles and telemarketers. It’s a vicious cycle indeed.

I think the only reasonable way to deal with this month is to sleep as much as possible, with the hope that one day when you open your eyes, the calendar will read March 1st.


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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, February 05, 2010 18 comments

“Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? Where the fuck are the God damn Twinkies?” – Woody Harrelson, ‘Zombieland’

Harrelson was pretty damn good in this entertaining flick, and since he was just nominated for a Best Supporting Oscar this week for ‘The Messenger’ I figured that I would pay my respects. Personally, I haven’t eaten a Twinkie in years, but that movie made me want to find those indestructible little yellow snack cakes and have a few.

Anyway, before I hit the office doors by 3 p.m., let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

Actor Rip Torn was released on bail on Monday and was headed for rehab after police said they found him drunk and armed with a loaded gun in a closed Connecticut bank last week.

Torn 78, was charged in court with burglary, criminal trespass and weapons offenses but did not enter a plea. He was released on $100,000 bond, a court spokeswoman said.
Torn's lawyer said the actor was disoriented and believed he was at home at the time of his arrest. He was fond on Friday inside a bank in his home town of Salisbury, Connecticut.

Mr Torn believed he was at home," his lawyer told Reuters. "Based upon that belief he would not have the necessary intent to commit a crime."

The redundantly named actor also hopes to avoid being ripped or torn when he goes to jail. Ouch.

“Jersey Shore” star Snooki denied rumors this week that a sex tape featuring the starlet was making the rounds and up for sale.

Radar Online reported that Snooki was featured in nude photos and video, which were being shopped around to various media outlets. Snooki took to her Twitter page to deny it, writing, ““Like i said before about my supposed ‘sex tape’…There are no nude pictures nor will there ever be. the tabloids just love snook gossip.”

This is one case where I really hope the celebrity is telling the truth, and that a flesh-baring video of Snooki never, ever surfaces.

Rap mogul Sean 'Diddy' Combs said this week that he plans to launch a business school in the New York area.

He told CNN, "I want to have an academy that's known for building leaders. I feel that's one of the things I can have an impact on."

Class choices will include: ‘The Art of Cristal Pouring,’ ‘How to wear sunglasses at night,’ and feature an advanced curriculum concerning ‘The best way to give yourself multiple names.’

Taylor Swift’s duet with Stevie Nicks at the Grammy awards this past week generated a bit of controversy as many bloggers accused Swift of being out of tune.

On Wednesday, the CEO of her record label went on the offensive to defend her performance and blames a technical issue for the problem. "This is not American Idol. This is not a competition of getting up and seeing who can sing the highest note," Big Machine Records CEO Scott Borchetta told The Associated Press. "This is about a true artist and writer and communicator. It's not about a technically perfect performance."

Maybe, but for some people, it was Swift's technically imperfect performance that seems to be drawing the criticism.

Mel Gibson called a reporter an ‘asshole’ this week during an interview to promote his new film ‘Edge of Darkness.’

Gibson was on an early morning satellite interview with Chicago's WGN-TV when reporter Dean Richards asked him, "Do you think the public will perceive you any differently after all that's been in the news about you?"

"That's almost four years ago, dude," Gibson said. "I've done all the necessary mea culpas. Let's move on." At the end of the interview, Gibson was heard muttering ‘asshole’ under his breath before the satellite feed went off the air.

The only real news here is that Gibson didn't use the word Jewish in front of the insult, so maybe he did learn something from his arrest four years ago.

Heidi Montag filmed a reunion with her mother this week for the reality show ‘The Hills,’ their first meeting since Heidi underwent 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day and the meeting didn’t go so well.

"I was nervous, but also excited … I never thought in my wildest dreams she was going to react the way she did," Montag, 23, told PEOPLE. "She was looking at me almost like a zoo animal. It wasn't like I was her daughter anymore. She was looking at me like I was a circus freak."

Meanwhile, a group of circus freaks are silently fuming, and telling anyone who will listen that they don’t look nearly as bad as Heidi.

As always, let's end with a gold image or three:

Sometimes it top-down and other times it's bottoms-up, and both are fine in my book. So, embrace duality today, try to remember up from down and . . . Happy Friday!


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