Evil Empire: 1 - Me:0

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Saturday, November 20, 2004 2 comments

Well, unfortunately I finally caved. I have made it a point of personal pride that over the last 2 years I never gave any money to SBC and/or Time Warner. However, I have found it to be increasingly difficult to maintain this site as well as work and take classes without an internet connection at my apartment. When I lay out my reasons for giving in, I feel they build a cogent argument, which will allow me to live a more productive and efficient life...yet, there is still a more cynical side of me that feels I merely sold a piece of my soul so I can check movie times and download porn.


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Raincoats & The Polar Express in 3D

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, November 17, 2004 0 comments

I was sitting inside the IMAX theatre with about 5 minutes to showtime when I thought "Perhaps I shouldn't have worn this raincoat today." It had been raining steadily all day and was still coming down in sheets as I drove to the theatre, so I hadn't thought twice when I grabbed my coat on the way out the door.

It was a Wednesday afternoon and I hoped that the theatre audience for "The Polar Express" in IMAX 3D would consist of old retired couples and me. I was wrong. I knew that I was in trouble when I wheeled into the parking lot and saw the school buses parked outside. Since when did going to Xmas movie count as schoolwork anyway?

I had just sat down and was enjoying my contraband Chick Fil-a sandwich which I'd smuggled in my jacket when the kids started pouring in the theatre. It's hard to describe how ridiculous you feel when you're an "adult" in a "kids" movie in the middle of the day in the middle of the week, sitting all alone, eating a chicken sandwich and wearing a raincoat.

Let's just say I got some odd looks from the teachers as they escorted the kids to their seats.

The film itself was decent enough, but the 3D experience was very cool when coupled with IMAX's giant screen. I'd heard that the animation in the movie was a little creepy and I can say that's not a rumor.

The main little boy in the film is menaced throughout his journey by other creepy little kids, a crusty train conductor, a hobo, clowns, a gazillion elfs and even Santa himself is a little scary. I heard one small child remark about 1/2 through the film that "he wanted to leave now."

Well, he might have been scared but I wasn't and despite my poor choice of wardrobe I would recommend checking it out if you've got any kind of holiday spirit and an IMAX 3D screen in your area. Just leave the raincoat at home . . .


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Ponytails, Puns and Harry Potter Impersonators in the Sunshine State

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, November 09, 2004 4 comments

So, I have recently returned from a much deserved vacation to see some old friends out in the Tampa area, and I believe three stories stand out the most in my mind. This is impressive that I can actually remember three, given the fact that my mind was raped and pillaged by a band of miniature Visigoths, who attacked in the name of the God of Hops so as to bring the whole landscape of my skull under the dominion of their Overlord, King Drunkor....but I digress.

First Ponytails:

While at a local bar where shockingly there was an older gentleman covering Jimmy Buffet tunes, my friend Peyton and I decided to do some good ol' 2-steppin' for a bit. Being the only ones on the dance floor, the singer decided to poll our opinion of his performance:

Singer: "So how do you guys like the set."
Me: " It's fine."
Peyton: "All I know is, your ponytail makes your mustache very, very sexy."

Next Puns:

Peyton decided that our friend Grant and I should take a picture in front of a statue that was shaped like a lion.

Peyton: "No, take a picture with the statue."
Me: "But if do that, when I tell people I went to Florida, they'll say I'm lyin'
Grant: "That joke really hurt my pride."
Me: "I knew that would be your main objection to the joke."
Peyton: "Would you guys calm down. It's not a real lion. Only a simba-lized version."

At this point we all began to lose it and I began to wonder how in the hell any one of us convinced even the homeliest of people to sleep with us.

And finally Harry Potter:

During the trip, Grant and I were staying at Peyton's Mother's apartment, which is very much like a half-way house for Peyton and her mother's friends. So, when Grant and I concluded the night's festivities, we were forced to sleep on the living room. After I laid down for what seemed like 5, maybe 6, seconds, I awake to some girl/boy, in glasses, standing over me, speaking to some gentlemen on the coach.

Girl/Boy: "Yeah, I'm telling you this guy looks like Clay Aiken."
I blink eyes blearily for a moment in order to help my mind process that this is actually happening

Girl/Boy: "Yep. Definately looks like Clay, but I think Clay could probably kick his ass."
I blink again to make absolutely sure that I have been awakened by a total stranger who is equating me with some no-talent ass-clown from some worthless reality show.
So I turn to the gentlemen on the couch because he seems to know this curiously irritating person.

Me: "Ummm, why is Harry Potter here and ummm why is he insulting me?"
At this point, what turned out to a SHE, told me what I could go do with myself and stormed out of the apartment.

Me: "Wow, that little wizard sure has a temper."

The End:

The trip gave me some much needed relaxation to be sure and it also helped to remind me that there are humorous things all around us...I just hope that I can find a few in the script once we get done with it.


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What is Funny?

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Saturday, November 06, 2004 0 comments

Since returning from my recent European vacation, I just wasn't feeling well and couldn't shake my pervasive sense of discomfort. After a careful analysis, however, it seemed that a lack of decent food in Ireland combined with a massive consumption of Guinness (to alleviate the food problem of course) was to blame for my condition. Guinness is good for you or so I'd read, but almost anything when carried to extremes is bad for the body, mind and soul.

A few days ago I decided that a thorough purging was the only way to cleanse my body and de-toxify my system. The only question was how?

The system I developed would probably work for anyone with a similar malady, but I would only recommend this course of action for dedicated masochists or the physically and spiritually strong among us.

While I was on vacation, my Tivo had remained active and by active I mean that it had decided to record shows it felt I should view upon my return. As luck would have it, I came back to find multiple episodes of "According to Jim" saved on my Tivo.

Just as a I was about to delete them to make room for watchable shows like "Arrested Development," I realized I had found a source for my much needed purging. So, instead of sending them to the garbage, I cued up the first episode and soldiered through 2 1/2 shows before succombing to the barrage.

I saw Jim get shirtless far too much and even more disturbing was trying to watch poor Courtney Thorne Smith try and look smitten with Jim's mental and physical charms.

I won't say this course of action was easy, but it was simple and that was the beauty of the plan. If there's one thing I learned in Vietnam was that once a plan gets too complicated . . .

Anyway, after surviving this voluntary project I not only felt better physically, but I also felt better about our screenplay. "According to Jim" has been on the air for years now, which means that obviously several people find it amusing and entertaining on a weekly basis.

I figure that if there's room for Jim out there in the comedy universe, then there's room for us. And that is an encouraging thought when you're still facing a sizable re-write on a script you've read so many times that you're not even sure what's funny anymore.

I guess we'll find out soon enough.


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