2 Dollar Productions

I hold the Political Junkie title here at 2 Dollar Productions...which I guess means that my counterpart holds the Taking Pictures of Myself With No Shirt On title. But I digress.

Generally, I try not to subject people to my political ramblings under the assumption that Bar Conversation etiquette applies to this site. However, since we are upon the Midterm Elections, I have elected to help out in a small way by providing a handy summation of all the attack ads that have been flying around the country. Because honestly, who wants to be bored to death by reading summations of candidates views on isses?

So, without further ado, here is all the attack ad goodness boiled down to it's wonderful essence:

- Democrats

If you elect a Democrat they will only stay in office long enough to do the following things:

1) Raise your taxes by 100% so that every illegal immigrant in this country can go on well fare and get their teeth whitened twice a year.

2) Harvest millions of unborn babies so that a government sponsored project team can find a way to make thousands of Michael Moore and Nancy Pelosi clones.

3) Outlaw all marriage except gay marriage.

4) Encourage your children to have underage sex so they can have abortions.

This is all before they hand over the government to the terrorists and then dance around a bonfire of burning American flags.




- Republicans

If you elect a Republican, they will only stay in office long enough to do the following things:

1) Sign a law outlawing gay marriage while recieving gay, oral sex from a slighly-willing, slightly-drunk, very underage page.

2) Hire a vastly underqualified cronie or family member to run a vital government post.

3) Cut taxes for Oil Corporations and Paris Hilton.

4) Smoke a cigar and discuss feasible ways to deny every working American access to healthcare and insurance.

This is before they jet off to a lobbyist funded get away where they swill whiskey, pop viagra and discuss how awesome Karl Rove is.



So, go out and vote tomorrow. Vote for your favorite mistress choker, your favorite firefighter basher, your favorite cold hard cash freezer, your favorite racial slur hurler, or just your favorite bat-shit insane Florida senate candidate. Because remember, when you vote, it makes the politician that represents you not just AN asshat, it makes them YOUR asshat.

--JWS