2 Dollar Productions

Everyone has their own habits when they drink a little too much. And they are powerful habits. Some people absolutely have to go to Taco Cabana or Whataburger. Some people have to hear a certain song or band on the stereo. Some people have to place Viking horns on their head and take a bath. Hey, to each their own.

Personally, I like to sit on my balcony, smoke a cigarette, listen to Jazz and wax philosphical about any number of inane topics. I call it my "Mingus-Induced Solving the World's Minute Problems" time, but my lady friend calls it my "Being a Creepy Old Man" time. Either way, without further ado:

Let's talk about martinis that are shaken versus those that are stirred. I know two fun facts about James Bond...and I use the word 'fun' loosely. One, a martini that is shaken is just a very weak martini. Two, the reason that James Bond is famous is because a certain, semi-famous President let it be known that in his leasure time he liked to read spy novels written by a certain writer, Ian Flemming. (Appreciation points will be given to those who can tell me the President)

I have found a lot of to do being made about the latest installment of the James Bond movie franchise on the ole' interweb. It seems that there are more than a few sites that have dedicated themselves to an unfounded and irrational hatred toward Daniel Craig for being chosen as the next incarnation of 007.



Now, I'm no stranger to irrational hatred when it comes to beloved characters from novels being casted for the silver screen. I could not get on board with Robert Urich playing Spenser in the fantastic 80's television drama 'Spenser for Hire', nor could I agree with any of the choices of actors for Travis McGee after I had engulfed the entire John McDonald series in one lady-free, whiskey-laden holiday vacation in college. Also, I absolutely, fucking hate the new, non Richard Harris, Dumbledore in the last two Harry Potter movies.

However, the hatred of Daniel Craig seems unfounded to me. The most damning charges I've read are the fact that he's blonde and that he can't seem to properly operate a stick shift Ashton Martin. The second accusation seems the most ridiculous to me. It's as if the people leveling the charges are upset because the actor can't actually do what the character can.

Well. I've got news for you people and it may be shocking, but you need to hear it anyway. Anne Heche doesn't actually like men. And Neil Patick Harris...he wasn't a fucking doctor at the age of 16. And every actor who played James Bond, does not actually thwart plots of global domination and wear suits worth more than my life while scripting catchy one liners to entice hot women into a rousing game of "Where are my Knickers?" Sorry to disappoint.



Personally, I like to say that the whole James Bond mystique is a bit lost on me. The Sean Connery, Roger Moore-era movies are fun because of their inherint camp value now. The Dalton and Lazenbee flicks were dreck and the Bronsnan pictures were alright but had far too many special effects to illicit any sort of attachment to the story. That all being said, I saw every single film and enjoyed them all while I watched them.



The character of James Bond is 100% iconic and I feel a stong desire to see the new film in order to review it and refute the silliness put forth by the Bond purists and malcontents.

If nothing else, I can say that I loved the irreverance of this line from the Casino Royale Trailer:

Unkwnown Guy Playing a Bartender: "Would you like your martini shaken or stirred."

Bond: "Do I look like I give a damn?"

Well done James. I like your moxie and as such I'm up for the next re-invention of 007...even if Moneypenny isn't there this time around.

--JWS

(Our Review will be posted on Sunday after we see Casino Royal. Here's to hoping that Britain's greatest secret agent can complete the mission impossible and give new life to a wonderful franchise like Chistopher Nolan and Christian Bale gave to Batman. Although, to my own credit, I doubt that even a successful James Bond could create such a butchered comparison between 3 distinctly different franchises, like I just did. Yeaaahh Screwdrivers!)