Being a glutton for punishment, I decided to stop by Costco on my lunch break yesterday and although I'm not exactly sure what I expected, the reality far exceeded my imagination.
I have no problem with Costco on its own, however, it's the actual people shopping there that strain my nerves and force me to fantasize about mass destruction.
The real problem lies with people who have no awareness of their surroundings. This issue only gets magnified when you give these same bewildered beasts giant shopping carts that bulge with over-sized condiments and bunker-mentality quantities of beef jerky. 
I have never been inside a store where nearly everyone shopping seems to find it perfectly reasonable to:
1) Come to an abrupt stop in the middle of aisles/open areas with people right behind them
2) Meander down the middle of aisles, thus making it impossible to go around them
3) Navigate their monstrous carts full of stuff like a wrecking ball, and display no remorse if a loaf of French bread nearly sodomizes you as they pass by like water buffalo
The experience left me thinking dangerous and unhealthy thoughts with most of them revolving around using my cart like a battering ram and knocking everyone in my path around like a soul-fulfilling real-world example of the bumper car ride at the fair.
You stop in front of me, you get rear-ended and pinned between my cart and yours.
Go at a snails pace down the center of the aisle, I bang your cart and topple it over. I might even rub your nose in the 3 lbs of Ketchup that is now lying on the floor.
Oh how fun it would be, and every time I am forced to go to Costco the image floods my brain as soon as I walk through the door.
This is easily the best fantasy I have where my clothes stay on for the duration.
-BDS
dont forget the look they give you after you accidentally bump into them (after they've come to a sudden dead stop in the middle of the aisle). Like there is something wrong with YOU.
I've never been an advocate of possessing firearms, but another experience like the above and me and Charlton may become best friends.
Well the whole fun of going to these stores is running people down with your cart-I mean really otherwise why bother?
I love Costco because everything is bigger ;)
I know i should not shop at Walmart, but every so often i find myself in there wondering what the hell i am doing. Have you seen the clientele at Walmart??? Mullets, fanny packs, plaid, spandex oh i could go on and on. So bizzare...
hahah...stay away from the Costco! Man, I feel your pain. My thing is, even though I'm a pretty big girl, I must have a "run into me" bumper sticker because if I'm playing chicken with someone either with or without a cart, I'll be the one to move to the side. Just ONCE I wanna keep walking my course and if they don't move, WHAM!!! produce flying everywhere...lol Hey, maybe you're onto something? "Grocery cart bumper car night" Rent an old grocery store, sell beer, rent helmets/knee pads, and go to town! *you heard it here first*
Are they fat? I bet you they're fat.
For these very reasons I refuse to go to Wal-mart or shop of Black Friday. My stress level goes through the rough and I end up cussing someone out. I can't handle that kind of karma.
When I shopped at the Commisary we used to joke you didn't want to go on Tuesday mornings. All the retired people were there. They would stop in the middle of the aisle suddenly. Leave baskets in the aisle and wander off. Take your basket or better yet put stuff in your basket.
Idig - I forgot about "the look" which just makes things worse and that's one reason I don't own a gun because I wouldn't want to even have an option.
Nobich - Why bother indeed? I was asking myself that same question and I'm going to have to start testing this theory just a little bit very soon.
Miss Ash - Wal-Mart is even worse than Costco and I haven't set foot inside one for a few years and description of a large percentage of the shoppers was dead-on and hilarious.
Jlee - I'll be sure to give you a cut when the idea takes shape. In the meantime, hold firm and stay your ground and make them go around you. It's all about you at these superstores. Screw the rest.
Julia - Quite a few are as large as the boxes of cookies they are lugging in their carts, which obviously doens't help the situation.
Melissa - Wal-Mart is unrelentingly brutal and depraved and I ultimately went your route of yelling and that does affect my blood pressure and karma and I'm trying to keep both in check.
Sarcastic - Missed you in cyberspace, but if someone actually took my cart that would push me completely over the edge.
Rub their nose in the ketchup! haha
Years ago, I had a lady tell me I was on the wrong side of the shopping aisle, and if I was going to continue to shop here, I needed to learn the rules!
And she didn't smile when she said it..
I have simmilar thoughts during my road rage moments.
That's the piggy store!
Kayla - The real question is: Were you on the wrong side of the aisle? Let's get to the bottom of this, but the thought of someone taking the time to threaten expulsion from the store is pretty funny.
Carmel - Don't even get me started on road rage. That's a whole other post, and even thinking about it gets me riled up.
Dreamlover - By and large you're right (pun intended).
HAHAHAHAHA. Great post!!! The shopping cart-battering ram idea is just brilliant! Although I think we've all the temptation to indulge grocery store rampages of rage before...
I changed my mind. I don't want to do the "grocery cart bumper car night" because I'll get the "weird cart" inevitably...
haha..yes, I was on the wrong side!
I was young and naive in the ways of grocery store ethics
One time at this same store, I was staring at the veggies and a lady came over and stood directly in front of me, bent down to get something off the bottom shelf, and FARTED in my face!
No kidding.
This store is obviously hazardous to my health!
Lucy - Thanks and I think this is a universal plauge on our society. One day, a revolt might occurr and I will be thrilled.
Jlee - You will need to choose your weapon carefully to avoid this situation as some intricate research will be involved. You can do it.
Kayla - That is the worst story I've heard in a grocery store. I think something like that would cause me to flee immediately and just say that it wasn't my day to shop. That's definitely a sign.
TEARS! I'm in TEARS!
I hope they are tears of joy. Utter joy.
I think I need to start shopping at Kayla's store. It could be very entertaining...
As far as Wal-Mart goes, I'm convinced that when they build the new stores they truck in a bunch of 'Wal-Mart People'. How many times have you ever seen Wal-Mart People outside of the store?