Blog Archive

Running On Empty . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, September 30, 2009 12 comments

It’s only 2 days until the Austin City Limits music festival starts again, and I’ll be roaming the grass at Zilker Park this weekend, much like I have for the past four years running.

The schedules have been set for weeks, and I plan to hear acts such: Kings of Leon, Dave Matthews Band, Todd Snider, The Scabs, Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears, Pearl Jam, Reckless Kelly, Mos Def, and Flogging Molly.

I might catch up with the Arctic Monkeys, Thievery Corporation, Ben Harper and Relentless 7, Ghostland Observatory, the Decemberists, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs because I’ve heard of these bands even if I’ve never actually heard their music. The rest of the acts are a mystery to me as I get less and less involved with popular music with each passing year.

The weather is even supposed to cooperate as it will be in the mid-80s versus the typical 100 degree heat of past years. I only wish I were more excited about the whole thing, but mainly, I’m getting tired of having things to do on the weekends as I’m in the middle of a six-week long run of scheduled events and even if most have been enjoyable, I still prefer to space out obligatory weekend gobblers versus having them run consecutively.

This irritation might put me in the minority, however, I tend to go out of my way to avoid back-to-back weekends with planned events much less six week’s worth of filler. It’s hard to bitch when those have been consumed with baseball and football games, visits from friends and family and now an ACL show that will be definitely be fun, although I am already looking forward to the middle of October when I can find a weekend with absolutely no obligations except the ones I impose on myself.


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Information Overload . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, September 28, 2009 12 comments

I spent the weekend traveling, and when I finally got home on Sunday, put my stuff away, started laundry and paid the bills, I sat down on the couch where I stared uneasily at the pile of information which sat on the coffee table.

It was too much. The stack was intimidating, and in my tired traveling state of mind, it appeared to be plotting against me. The sheer size of the pile was staggering. The information inside sat glibly waiting for me to devour it before it devoured me. But I didn’t even know where to begin.

The problem was that I had been busy the past few weeks at work, and then on the weekends, it had been even more hectic, which meant the pile had grown to its present threatening level. It’s easy to accumulate subscriptions – at least I’ve found it to be so. If you read anything 3 times a year or more, then it’s cheaper to just buy a year subscription versus paying for one-offs at a newsstand or bookstore.

Consequently, I currently subscribe to:

• Newsweek
• US Weekly
• GQ
• Details
• New York Times Sunday Edition
• Esquire
• Men’s Fitness
• Entertainment Weekly
• Wine Spectator
• Playboy
• Maxim
• Austin American Statesman
• Sherman’s Travel
• Travel and Leisure
• Consumer Reports
• Money
• Texas Monthly
• Dwell

This is a full enough list as it stands, but I wouldn’t mind adding Rolling Stone, Men’s Health, and Time to it. Maybe it’s an addiction, like those people who start with one tattoo and then end up with dozens. The pain of the needle might be worse, but I felt pretty lousy while I looked at the periodical pile which had sprung up on me when I wasn’t looking.

The only reasonable thing to do would be to start with the lightest thing available – undoubtably US Weekly or Maxim – and start chipping away, but in the end, I turned on the football game instead and felt guilty because it’s a sad state of affairs when your brain is too lazy to comprehend the esoteric knowledge carried inside US Weekly.


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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, September 25, 2009 16 comments

“Don't get saucy with me, Bearnaise!” – Harvey Korman, “History of the World Part 1”

There are far funnier things in ‘History,’ but I always love a good (or bad) pun, and somehow Korman pulls this one off in the film. I am pulling out of work especially early today to drive north to attend a baseball game tomorrow night and visit family. So, before I hit the door by noon to avoid rush hour traffic on the back-end, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

David Hasselhoff was taken by ambulance to a hospital this past week due to either alcohol poisoning or due to an ear infection, the latter according to the Hoff.

The Hoff was taken from his home to an Encino, CA hospital Sunday afternoon after 911 was called. According to, Hasselhoff had been drinking vodka for more than a day when the ambulance was called. Hasselhoff later claimed that his daughter – Hayley – called 911 after finding him collapsed with dizziness caused by a combination of drugs used to treat an ear infection.

Unfortunately, the "prescription drugs" for the ear infection were produced by Skyy, Smirnoff and Grey Goose. Seriously, Kitt needs to find his old friend and drive his ass straight to rehab.

Actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi were arrested on Thursday in Texas following a complaint that they skipped out on a $10,000.00 in California, according to U.S. authorities.

The Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Department said the complaint was made in early September by a hotel in California and warrants for burglary, defrauding an innkeeper and conspiracy were issued as part of a criminal investigation. The 58-year-old actor and his former model wife were both reported to have posted their $20,000 bail.

This is what happens when you turn Cousin Eddie loose in the big city.

The daughter of the Mamas & The Papas singer John Phillips said this week that she allegedly engaged in a 10-year sexual relationship with him.

Mackenzie Phillips revealed details about the alleged relationship – which she says started in 1979, when she was 19 – in a television interview on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” and has written about it in her autobiography, 'High On Arrival.'

Phillips, who has a history of drug abuse, reportedly writes that her first sexual encounter with her father took place the night before she was due to marry Jeff Sesler, a member of Rolling Stones’ entourage.

"I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father," she writes in the book.

This whole story is pretty distasteful, and while I hope it is not true, it definitely makes the band’s name a poor, poor choice in hindsight.

Gisele Bundchen announced a new role this week: United Nations goodwill ambassador for the environment.

"I'm really honored to have received a call from the UN to spread the message about climate change in the world," the supermodel, 29, told reporters during an appearance in Manhattan's Washington Square.

I’m no expert on global warming, but Gisele is hot enough that she’s probably responsible for raising the planet’s temperature all by herself, so it’s probably good karma that she’s attempting to cool it back off.

Heather Locklear is reprising her signature role as Amanda Woodward on the CW’s updated version of "Melrose Place," the network announced Tuesday.

Locklear will make her debut appearance Nov. 17 on the prime-time soap where she will join other original members of the show such as Daphne Zungia, Laura Laura Leighton and Thomas Calabro.

Somewhere in a darkened apartment, Andrew Shue is crying out: Why is Hollywood blackballing me?

Khloe Kardashian – the Kardashian sister without the giant ass and not the one who’s pregnant out of wedlock - confirmed she is set to wed basketball player Lamar Odom this weekend.

The ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ reality star posted a message on her blog confirming the rumors: She wrote: "Hi dolls, I'm thrilled to finally be able to tell you that the news is true... Lamar and I are getting married on Sunday!!!"

They will be getting divorced during the next season of ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ or the start of the NBA season, whichever comes first.

Kevin Federline – Britney Spears’ ex-husband known as K-Fed – confirmed this week that he will be joining the cast of the next installment of VH1’s “Celebrity Fit Club.”

He’s hoping to lose enough weight to return his nickname to K-Fed from K-Fat.

Actress Lindsay Lohan will host three days of concerts featuring Beyonce Knowles and Black Eyed Peas to coincide with Sunday night's Singapore Grand Prix.

Lohan, 23, was a last-minute replacement after Pussy Cat Doll Nicole Scherzinger dropped out earlier this month. Lohan said she was honored because she is also a Formula One racing fan. "I like to drive. I like cars. I like fast cars," she said.

Lohan added: I like to talk very fast. I like to repeat myself. I like cocaine.

Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. welcomed a baby girl this past weekend named Charlotte Grace Prinze.

Meanwhile, somewhere inside a very expensive crib, Sparrow James Midnight Madden is crying and beating his fists in even more anger about his unfortunate name.

As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:

It’s been raining a lot this week in Austin, although I have yet to see anyone take to the streets like this. Regardless, enjoy singing or stripping in the rain, never refuse a hitchhiker without a shirt (where is she going to hide the knife to gut you?) and . . . Happy Friday!


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Thoughts on 'The Informant!' . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, September 21, 2009 12 comments

Worth Full-Price, Matinee or Rental: Matinee. This film, loosely based on a true story, is an enjoyable ride with many solid laughs even if I never felt like I was having quite as much fun as the filmmakers.

Will I Own It On DVD: No. It's worth watching one more time for Damon's performance, but that doesn't justify the cost of owning the DVD.

Overrall Grade: B-

1) 'The Informant!' is a different kind of corpoate whistle-blower saga. The exclamation point in the title should be a tip-off, and this project is tilted towards comedy versus the traditional dramatic arc of previous films such as 'The Insider,' which treads similar thematic ground. This absurdity is a refreshing take on the genre, and the choice allows for easy laughs throughout even as the situations in the film become increasily grim for the participants.

2) Director Steven Soderbargh ('Ocean's Eleven') delivers his mainstream directing style with this project instead of his thread-bare independent mannerisms when he toils in smaller films. I wasn't wild about the look of this movie, which takes place laregly under a soft glow of lightbulbs throughout the running time, and consequently, everyone seems a bit fuzzy and diluted. But the pacing of the film is top-notch as it moves along well even when working through many scenes dense with exposition.

3) Matt Damon makes this movie. This was a vanity-free project for him as the actor added 30 lbs, sports a porn-star mustache and tops it off with a buffoant haircut as the somewhat delusional biochemist working with the FBI as well as with his own agenda, a course which is constantly flip-flopping. Damon totally commits to his role and disappears inside a character which could have easily been played for cheap laughs, however, Damon finds the bizarrely realistic center where his corporate spy is coming from and delivers a much more robust performance for it. His interior monologues were the highlight of the movie for me.

4) The supporting cast is also uniformly excellent. It was especially fun to see Scott Bakula back onscreen as an FBI agent who develops a complicated relationship with Damon. Joel McHale (The Soup), Tony Hale (Arrested Development) and many others are equally good.

5) With its upbeat musical score and oddly compelling dorky whistle-blower at the center, 'The Informant!' accomplishes its goal of turing this familiar plot on its head. It's hard to believe any of this ever happened in real life, but the concept of truth drives most of the characters and the plot in this film which is made by Damon's most anti-Jason Bourne role to date.


Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, September 18, 2009 22 comments

“I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.” – Harvey Korman, “Blazing Saddles”

I want a personal chef, a bartender, an absentee boss, a masseuse and a soft place to fall, but I think I’ll settle for a couple of breakfast tacos and a quick yet efficient day at the office. So, before I hit the road by 3 p.m. for greener pastures, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

Taylor Swift was relishing her win for best female video at the MTV Video Music Awards this past Sunday when Kanye West grabbed the microphone from her to announce that Beyonce, who was also nominated, should have won because her "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" was "one of the best videos of all time."

A stunned Swift didn't get to finish her acceptance speech. The crowd booed West, who shortly after was asked to leave the show and left the building.

"I was standing on the stage and I was really excited because I had just won the award," Swift said after Sunday's show at Radio City Music Hall. "And then I was really excited because Kanye West was on the stage. And then I wasn't so excited anymore after that."

I’ve got no line for this one other than a plea for someone to kick West’s ass onstage at some future awards show because he’s simply an incredible, incurable douchebag.

Jessica Simpson’s year keeps getting worse as she announced Monday evening that her dog was taken and eaten by a coyote. Seriously.

“My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes,” Jessica Tweeted on Monday evening. “HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!” The Simpson family made a poster in an attempt to get their dog back with a picture of the star’s beloved malti-poo and a request to email in any information on the dog’s whereabouts.

The dog’s whereabouts are in the stomach of the coyote – now where do I apply for the reward?

Singer Whitney Houston told Oprah Winfrey on her show Monday that life with former husband Bobby Brown descended into a nightmare of drugs and fights, and that at one point he painted "evil" eyes on the walls of their home.

Houston, 46, also told Winfrey that her and Brown's drug-of-choice was marijuana mixed with cocaine. Houston said that during the couple's narcotics-filled days, Brown would break glass objects in their home, and at one point he began painting eyes in their bedroom.

"Evil eyes that were looking at every point in the room," Houston said. She added that Brown would paint on rugs, walls and closet doors, and that he used spray-paint.

When reached for comment, Brown declared that “it’s My Perogative if I want to paint evil eyes in my own damn house. Now, do you got any weed or not?”

Under the heading of yet another Jon and Kate Gosselin story, a former nanny - Stephanie Santoro – told In Touch magazine this week that she had sex with Jon nine times.

Santoro, 23, told the magazine that Jon’s seduction began with a request of: "Can you rub my shoulders? Now, can I rub yours?" which led to a hot-tub seduction. On their first night together, Jon allegedly told Santoro: "Whatever you do, don't fall in love with me, because it's going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you."

Santoro later said about Jon’s sexual prowess: "he wasn't terrible, but it wasn't the best I ever had."

If Jon Gosselin is the best that anyone has ever had, then I feel very, very sorry for that person.

County music star Toby Keith was voted songwriter/artist of the decade by the Nashville Songwriters Association International this week.

Keith will be honored Oct. 18 for his hits "Courtesy of the Red, White And Blue (The Angry American)," "Who's Your Daddy?," "As Good As I Once Was" and "God Love Her."

Keith was obviously competing against nobody else in winning this award.

Soon-to-be-divorced Sean Penn made several public appearances in New York recently with Jessica White, a 25-year-old Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.

The pair were spotted getting intimate at dinner, according to the Daily News. "They were holding hands," an unnamed witness said "They seemed really into each other. She was laying on him. She was laying on his shoulder. He seemed really into her."

Penn and actress Robin Wright Penn filed for divorce in August after 13 years of marriage. Robin Wright filed divorce papers in Marin County, Calif., citing "irreconcilable differences."

I’d say their “ irreconcilable differences” were rooted in Penn’s desire to sleep with swimsuit models, although that is merely a guess as I have no legal background.

Burt Reynolds has been released from a drug rehabilitation center where he was being treated for an addiction to painkillers, his manager said Wednesday.

The star of "Smokey and the Bandit," "Deliverance" and "Boogie Nights" began struggling after recent back surgery and "realized that he was in the prison of prescription pain pills," his manager Erik Kritzer said in a statement.

His manager, meanwhile, is locked in the asylum for aloof alliteration.

Harrison Ford, 67, said this week that ready for Indiana Jones’s next cinematic adventure, and that the next chapter is already being scripted.

"The story for the new 'Indiana Jones' is in the process of taking form," Ford told France's Le Figaro. "Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I'll be very happy to put the costume on again."

If the script is bad, they will simply remake “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”

As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:

I’m all for taking a nap or strolling through the fields, whether alone or with friends. So, whether you are taking it easy or exercising, fully clothed or half naked . . . . Happy Friday!


{Editor’s Note: R.I.P. Patrick Swayze}

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Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, September 15, 2009 19 comments

{This is the 30th entry in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits. Last night, I wallowed in Dos Equis and Shiner Bock for football which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}

• You can never fully trust built-in underwear lining.

• If your actions cause a female to call you a pussy, then there’s a 97.2% chance that she has made an accurate assessment.

• If you cry during the conversation, the percentage raises to 100%.

• Everyone should be able to make themselves vomit because the occasion will present itself when this skill is required.

• Only buy a hot dog at a ballpark or sports stadium

• Never step into a deserted elevator alone when it smells like farts or cloying perfume or both.

• Taco Bell has only 4 total ingredients in each store which are turned into 78 different foods and all of them will give you gas.

• You should cease to perform any kind of elaborate hand-shakes by the time you turn 30 years old.

• Never eat a banana in public.

• Talk to small children, old people and pets like adults and they will be better off for it and you will sound like an adult yourself.

• Never order the special at a restaurant when they fail to mention the price

“Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure” – Ambrose Bierce

Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, September 11, 2009 17 comments

“Maybe it was a dream then, you know... a very weird... bizarre... vivid... erotic... wet... detailed dream. Maybe we had malaria” – Anthony Michael Hall, ‘Weird Science’

I had a dream that I don’t have in-laws visiting this weekend, but somehow, I can’t seem to wake up. Oh well, these things happen and before I leave the office to hide any incriminating evidence at my loft, let’s look at the hard stories of the short week such as:

Fox announced Wednesday that Ellen DeGeneres will become the new fourth judge on ‘American Idol’ this coming season, replacing Paula Abdul who left ‘Idol’ over the summer due to a salary dispute.

DeGeneres simultaneously announced the news on her Twitter feed and during a taping of her daytime talk show.

"This is so exciting for me," DeGeneres said. "We've been dealing with this for the last couple of weeks and I've been dying to tell everyone. It's just been so hard to keep it a secret and we just finally got the OK, and I'm so excited. It is going to be so much fun," she added. "I don't know how it happened myself but I have not missed one episode of that show. I've watched every single thing. I love everything about it and I love music, as you know."

When reached for her response, Abdul said “As you know, I love Ellen and the show and pistachios and wish that raisons were more readily available . . . I’ve got a new show myself. What was the question again?”

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden added a baby boy to their family Wednesday.

The couple named their newborn son Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Sparrow is the second child for Richie and Madden. Their daughter, Harlow, will be 2 in January.

You know what they say, birds of a feather . . . give their kids really stupid names.

Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner filed for divorce this week from the estranged wife – Kimberly Conrad – as the pair have been legally married since 1989, although separated since January 1998.

Hefner, 83, filed court documents seeking to end his marriage to former Playmate Conrad, 47, citing irreconcilable differences.

Conrad also cited the fact that Hefner continually slept with a revolving line-up of 20-year-old blondes and then taped the encounters for a TV show as reason for the final split.

Tyra Banks showed her real hair on the season debut of her TV talk show on Tuesday.
On the fifth-season premiere of ‘The Tyra Banks Show,” the former supermodel went on-camera with as Banks put it, "no wigs, extensions, no nothing" for the show where she also interviewed women with insecurities about their own hair.

Unfortunately for the other women, Banks only asked them foropinions about Bank’s own hair and the show ended before Tyra could ask about anyone except herself.

Jon Gosselin upped the verbal ante with Kate Gosselin this week when he told ‘Good Morning America’ that he despises his estranged wife and believes that she stole his wedding ring.

Jon told ABC News' Chris Cuomo on the GMA that his evidence for the theft is that he set down his ring one day and it vanished. He says no one else could have taken it. He also accuses Kate of verbally abusing him and beating him down during their marriage.

I wish more people would follow Kate’s example and continue to beat Jon down – physically if possible – as that is one reality show I might actually watch.

Lindsay Lohan has a new role as an artistic adviser to the French fashion house Emanuel Ungaro.

Ungaro is paring the actress with new designer Estrella Archs as the beginning of what it calls a new consumer-led business model. Ungaro CEO and president Mounir Moufarrige said Lohan will give an "electric shock" to a label that has aged along with its customers.

The only ‘electric shocks’ that usually come from associating with Lohan is the Taser gun from police officers, so this will be a nice change of pace.

Megan Fox slammed the door to ever finding her in a leaked sex tape when she told MTV this week that the thought disgusted her.

The 23-year-old 'Jennifer's Body' starlet said: "Ugh, never!" ... That's the last thing I want to see -- what I look like having sex," Fox exclaimed. "It would take one shot of me not looking good and I would not be able to have sex ever again, because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex."

Personally, I would have sex with a hippo simply to watch a tape of Fox having sex, but that’s just me . . . {Editor’s Note: Or is it?}

As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:

I don’t worry with the three’s a crowd distinction as numbers are often meaningless when clothing is being shed. So, feel free to lend an extra hand or tie one behind somebody today, have fun regardless of the company you keep and . . . Happy Friday!


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Thoughts on 'Extract' . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, September 09, 2009 18 comments

Worth Full-Price, Matinee or Rental: Matinee. If you’re starved for comedy, then ‘Extract’ delivers a solid value at discount prices, however, it would probably work the best as a really enjoyable rental.

Will I Own It On DVD: No. I would be fine watching it on a lazy Sunday one more time, but it’s not funny enough to own.

Overrall Grade: B-

1) ‘Extract’ is the new comedy from Mike Judge, and it provides a steady stream of solid laughs – though only a few hilarious moments – in a shaggy dog work comedy that returns Judge to the corporate world where he made his name with the cult success of ‘Office Space.’ ‘Extract’ serves as a completion to that theme as it takes on the business world not from the cubicle viewpoint of ‘Space,’ but rather from the headaches and tribulations that a boss must endure when forced to manage a group of people with their own eccentricities and competing agendas.

2) But the corporate world of ‘Extract’ is only part of the battle as the other war is being waged by Jason Bateman with his wife (Kristin Wiig) as she no longer wants to sleep with him and instead, starts wearing sweatpants earlier and earlier each day to ward off his advances. Under the influence of drugs and questionable advice from his bartender friend (an excellent Ben Affleck), Bateman decides to hire a dim-witted gigolo to seduce his wife so he can feel better about potentially cheating on her with a new factory temporary worker (Mila Kunis).

3) The cast of ‘Extract’ elevates the material, and pulls more laughs than the writing often deserves. Jason Bateman is an adept everyman character as the head of the extract company, and his reactions to the increasingly odd situations are funny and also help ground the absurd into some semblance of reality. But everyone in the cast is good even though Kunis and Wiig deserved more richly conceived characters to work with as both roles are a bit lacking in depth. Affleck fares much better as a bartender. Hidden behind a beard and long stringy hair, Affleck gives a very funny and relaxed performance and it is to the movie’s detriment that he disappears during the second half of the running time (and it’s been a long time since audiences were probably wishing for more of Affleck).

4) I generally find Mike Judge movies to be better to quote among your friends than to watch repeatedly and enjoy as full-fledged projects. I’ve never found anyone who can actually remember what happens during the last 1/3 rd of ‘Office Space’ yet most people like the film. ‘Extract’ also suffers from a last act paralysis as it doesn’t follow ‘Space’ into the abyss, but neither does it rise much above serviceable in wrapping things up.

5) Overall, ‘Extract’ is a solid comedy. It has an appealing cast, and you could do far worse for an end of summer project than this film.


Quick Hit Early Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Thursday, September 03, 2009 20 comments

“Think about it Josh, you're in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day.” – Sean William Scott, ‘Road Trip’

This was not a particularly good movie, but I’ve got college on the brain right now as I’ve got several old friends coming into town tomorrow, some of which I haven’t seen since college which is approaching 10 years ago. Couple that with some client meetings in the morning and I figured I’d get a jump on the long weekend so QHF wasn’t entirely doomed.

With that in mind, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:

"Rachael Ray" won the top “entertainment” talk show prize at the Daytime Emmy Awards this week.

In other categories, the women of "The View" ended Ellen DeGeneres' four-year reign as best talk show host and “The Tyra Banks Show” won the “informative” prize.

If I were Rachel Ray, I wouldn’t be too excited because any show that rewards Tyra Banks as “informative” immediately loses all its credibility.

Reality TV star Audrina Patridge announced she was leaving the reality show ‘The Hills’ this week to focus on her acting career.

The 24-year-old, who is developing her own reality series, has been a regular on the hit MTV show since its inception in 2006.

Said Patridge: "I'm almost done with 'The Hills.' We're in the middle of finishing these episodes, and I'll be leaving then. It feels like I'm graduating. I'm taking the next step and growing up and maturing and moving on in my life."

Patridge will undoubtedly be “graduating” to the pages of ‘Playboy’ magazine soon enough where she can join fellow cast mate Heidi Montag.

Speaking of Playboy, it was reported this week that their editors are desperately trying to convince Lindsay Lohan to strip nude for the magazine and have made a new offer of $900,000.00 to convince her to agree.

Lohan has yet to respond to the offer.

She will respond 'Yes' to the offer once she returns from her summer vacation to Columbia and Bolivia for “research.”

Jon Gosselin gave an interview to “Good Morning America” this week to talk about his problematic marriage.

Gosselin says he was the one taking "a lot of abuse" from estranged wife Kate Gosselin.

"She'll call me like, almost like a lame fish,” he claimed. "Like I wasn't going anywhere."

I have absolutely no idea why Kate would feel that way.

Paula Abdul said that she plans to host her own talk show in the future now that she is no longer on “American Idol.”

Said Abdul: “I definitely want to do a talk show because it would be different,” she says. “It would be a lot of fun variety with a ton of unexpected stuff and tributes to everyday people getting their big chance.”

The first step in a successful talk show would be for Abdul to learn how to speak consistently in complete and coherent sentences.

Whitney Houston made her comeback to television Wednesday with a four-song concert in Central Park broadcast on Good Morning America.

"I'm overwhelmed," Houston said after performing her opening number, "Million Dollar Bill." "I love you all saying hello to me. I never left, I never left."

Houston later explained that she meant that she never left the house when she was doing drugs for all those years.

Demi Moore told the French edition of Marie Claire magazine that she has never undergone cosmetic surgery to enhance her looks, insisting she is a natural beauty.

The 47-year-old actress has long been subjected to rumors she underwent a body overhaul in 2004, allegedly spending $308,000 on a head-to-toe surgical makeover.

She said: "It's completely false. I've never had it done. But I would never judge those who have. If it's the best thing for them, then I don't see a problem. I don't like the idea of having an operation to hold up the aging process -- it's a way to combat your neurosis. The scalpel won't make you happy."

She later added: “But lying about going under the scalpel and believing you have everyone fooled feels great.”

As always, let’s end with a gold image or three since it’s a long weekend:

It’s always nice to have a friend around even if you don’t plan anything this exotic. Regardless, let the good times reign down, feel free to discipline those who break the rules and . . . Happy Early Friday and Happy Labor Day Weekend!


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