Based on U.S. Census Bureau calculations, the population of the United States surpassed the 300 million mark on Tuesday morning.
I don't know what I would do stop this progression, but it does seem like too many damn people wandering around Texas to Alaska to New York to Florida and to everywhere in-between.
This mass of people certainly explains why it takes half my day to mail anything at the post office. Or get through a grocery line in a sane amount of time. And it could possibly hold the key to why it takes 6 months to schedule a doctor, dental or dermatological appointment with any physician worth his/her salt.
300 million. It's a mind-boggling number any way you look at it. So many people, yet so few who actually took the time to watch "Arrested Development," which led to its untimely cancellation last year. Selah. 
Anyway, as I mentioned I don't have any solutions to this mass of human flesh, however, one option would be a crack team of special agents who swoop down in the night, roust certain "malcontents" or "people of questionable morals" and deposit them to colonize the North Pole or somewhere else remote.
This might seem far-fetched, but with the people currently running the show in this country, I feel that all bets are off when it comes to outlandish behavior that bends the Constitution so far over that it might just break.
But before it comes to a human lottery, I have a few suggestions of those individuals who should be at the top of the list:
1) Joe Simpson
2) Anyone associated with Fear Factor with Joe Rogan at the forefront:
3) Michael Jackson. Whoops. Too late
4) The inventor of the sweater vest. 
5) Mitch Albom - Let him write heart-warming tales powerful enough to melt the Antarctic wilderness.
6) Mimes 
7) People that yell "get in the hole" every time a golfer putts
8) Mark Foley
9) Producers of bad pornography
10) Yetis - They would just feel more naturally at home anyway. 
Any other suggestions?
-BDS
How about Paris? She can go be the "new Marilyn" at the North Pole.
I wouldn't mourn the loss.
Lets see,
All men who shop at Old Navy for capri pants.
The entire Polyphonic Spree.
Any girl who has ever thought teeth were a good idea during a BJ.
Anyone who bought the 'Creed Greatest Hits' album just for the bonus DVD.
The guy at the bar who makes private eyes with your date, like he's Scott Baio in Zap.
and Ice Cube (the actor, not the rapper).
They will need a good talk show host so let's send Rosie O'Donnell.
Kevin Federline (if he's wearing enough clothes he might not be able to procreate such a regular basis)
Maybe this is where D.B. Cooper is really hiding out.
Luce - Good call. I was going to include Paris for that Marilyn line alone, but I just didn't want to write about her. That's how sick of her I've become.
Tbone - Pretty damn funny as the Old Navy, P.I. and Creed should have easily been on the list. Easily.
Sarcastic - Rosie can go, and I don't know how I forgot about K-Fed (chalk it up to the Hilton disease mentioned above). And there's a good song by Todd Snider called "D.B. Cooper" just as an FYI.
God, we ran this story ad naseaum this morning. I can't believe since my birth, 100 million people have been added to the mix of this country.
"The lottery" reminds me of "The Island" that was just on cable last week. They're all "yaaay, I won the lotto" Lotto o' DOOM! Well, I hate to be un-PC, but we could start with illegal immigrants? You live in Texas, you understand...
Oh, and Carl Rove and Ken Star. I still hate Ken Star.
You know I hate Mimes and send them anywhere else but here!
Damn it! We have enough we don't want 300,000,000, even in the North Pole.
I say the bitch I had to bounce out of the store a few weeks ago is a good candidate, and the weird bastard that couldn't make up his mind tonight.
Clowns!!!
They frighten me
I'm all for the "Polyphonic Spree" one too...
The entire Democratic party. We know they won't put up a fight so it should be pretty easy.
Maybe obsessive Star Wars fans wouldn't be missed too much.
Jlee - I never saw the Island, but do know the basic story, which could be a similar premise for my solution. As for illegals, I still haven't decided where I come down on this my general reaction is to grandfather those already living here, and make it harder for anyone else to come. Pussy-footing around a bit I know, but . . .
Melissa - As you noted, there is some good functionality, and Ann Coulter should have been at the head of the class because she is a complete and utter waste of space and breath. I had vaguely forgotten that Ken Star existed.
Girlbehind - I'm glad someone else shares my view of mimes, and I wonder what the guy couldn't decide about?
Nobich - I thought about clowns for that very reason, but ultimately decided on mimes.
Jlee - Tbone had a hell of a list.
Wit & Humor - Are you certain about this? Or did you just read it in Discovery magazine? They write a lot of propoganda I hear.
Robert - I thought there might be a Republican lurking out there somewhere, and for some sort of balance, I suppose that's a good thing.
Samurifrog - Probably not, and they'd have each other to act out scenes from the opening of 'Empire' with all that snow around them.
Penguins only reside at the south pole. You'd have to import them.
Wit & Humor - Ha. $2 is what we advertise, and it's also all you can expect. Perhaps Discovery promises more, but I wouldn't trust them.
Robert - Import away as penguins were easily the animal of last year (or was that 2 yrs ago when they spiked in popularity)>