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Erotic Tailoring . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Thursday, October 05, 2006

Am I the only person who finds going to tailor vaguely erotic?

It's possible. I know Joey didn't like it one bit on "Friends" when his old man tailor measured a bit too high in the crotch area for his comfort level, and while I can't say that I blame him one bit, it might have been a different story if it was a female under 60 years old doing the job.

There's something about standing up on a pedestal and being pulled and measured and poked that says to me that something dirty could happen at any given moment.

It starts from the moment you walk in the door as they give you a fitting room and tell you to take off your pants. You replace them with the garments that need alteration, and then stroll up on a high-step for examination.

Then the inseam gets measured and I say "no cuffs on the bottom" before I'm asked if my jacket is pulling too much in the back. Small talk.

This is where all the mirrors come into play as you're surrounded by them, which shows you every conceivable angle of your body and then your mind starts to wander, and you suddenly forget that you owe the tailor an answer because a mental picture has formed of just how it would look be having sex from about 27 different angles.

One could argue that this is blatant narcissim exhibited in a more peculiar manner than Christian Bale in "American Psycho," but I refuse to look too deeply into the matter.

I prefer to keep my fantasy intact, and not get bogged down in details.

Besides, for how much they charge to work on virtually any piece of clothing, I think providing a bit of erotic imagery is the least they can do to soften the burden when the bill comes due.



  1. locomocos Says:
  2. just make sure they agree with you about Huey Lewis's album Sports - "The whole album has a clear, crisp sound and a new sheen of
    consummate professionalism that gives the songs a big boost."


  3. Miss Ash Says:
  4. My dressmaker is a woman. I'd imagine if it was a male he would be a 60 year old from Italy. Not so erotic...

  5. JLee Says:
  6. You dirty boy! I suppose you want the tailor to tie you up with the measuring tape too, eh? Yeah, I thought so...

  7. Melissa Says:
  8. Throw into the mix a bottle of champagne and someone speaking Italian... works for me.

  9. I've never quite had that image when I've gone to the tailor's. Of course, she was a short little woman who could be a little careless with her pins.

  10. Cassie D - I never like to think about Huey Lewis and eroticism anywhere close to each other - regardless of the power of love.

    Miss Ash - Not usally, and for me the tailor must be female and just atttractive enough to work the fantasy.

    Jlee - That's a new element, but I like where your heads at.

    Melissa - A little champagne and a breathy, Italian senorita (mixing ethnicities I know) and some pins to let you know if things get out of hand works for me.

    Saracastic - Unfortunately, this is far more common than the sexed-up tailor woman who takes expert care of herself. Sadly.

  11. I dunno about your tailor, but mine sometimes sticks his fingers down the top of my pants to see how the pants fit around my waist... at least thats what he tells me.

    Sounds like something Mark Foley can look into as his new vocation.

  12. JLee Says:
  13. oh yeah, by the way, "School for Scoundrels" was pretty damn funny. Off topic, I know...

  14. Idig - That sounds fishy to me, but I would still trust your tailor before I would Foley, who deserves to continue to be flogged in the press and shamed on a national stage.

    Jlee - I was waiting for your review of that, but I thought you went with Dahliah instead. Thanks.

  15. Dreamlover Says:
  16. Actually, I think that is a normal part of a sex-drive, I often think of ooh this would be a good place to get down and dirty, lol

  17. Almost anything is erotic to my dirty mind.

    But last time I got some alterations... it was by a 65 year old cross-dressing freak... so forgive me when I shudder with fright!

  18. Jackie Says:
  19. You should direct pornos.

    I'm a big proponent of the "doing it in public" fantasy. Like, standing in the back of an elevator with a short skirt... you get it.

    So now you know all the male celebrities I want to do, all the female celebrities I'd go les for and that I think public sex is hot. I officially dominate the TMI category.

  20. Dreamlover - Actually, most places are pretty good to do that kind of thing when you really think about it.

    Friday - Your shudders are well-earned, and I wish more tailors looked like they do inside my mind.

    Jackie - I think I could direct a mean porno, however, not while my grandparents and parents are still alive as I would hate for them to have to answer all the associated questions. And the elevator is also a good one because if you time it just right, it finishes just as you land.

  21. Carmel Says:
  22. you better hope the old man tailor isn't finding you erotic!

  23. I guess that would only be fair, but I really hope that isn't the case.


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