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Parenting 101 . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, October 09, 2006

As I settled into my seat to watch "The Departed" this weekend, my attention immediately shifted two rows ahead of me and to the left of the screen.

What drew my attention was a high-pitched wailing and then a bit of shrieking from two little girls who were roughly 8-years-old, and had obviously been taken to the movie by their mother, who sat passively in the next seat.

I can forgive the little girls for causing a commotion because they were 8-years-old and that's what little kids do; but the Mom should have been dragged outside by the ushers and escorted to a movie that was appropriate for small children or told to go home.

Nobody under ten years old should see almost any of Scorcese's films, especially "The Departed" which has more people getting their brains splattered against walls than I can remember. There are also gruesome beatings, the use of the word fuck as a noun, adjective and verb and some sex to round out the triumvirate.

I can only imagine this candidate for parent-of-the-year's debate in her head as she wondered whether to take her little girls to see the animated "Open Season," or "The Departed."

It was obvious that her own selfish instincts won out, and although I can't blame her for wanting to see the "The Departed," I don't have any small kids to consider and sometimes you have to suck it up and go animated - or hire a babysitter.

Celebrities can be just as bad if not worse as Andy Dick (I use celebrity loosely when it comes to AD) was promoting his new flick "Employee of the Month" on the talk show circuit last week.

When he wasn't getting slightly creepy in his praise for Jessica Simpson, Dick managed to jump the shark with this quote:

"He's really great (my son)," said Dick. "Every time I go anywhere with him, I immediately say, 'This is my son,' because it looks like we're lovers because he's so handsome." "I'm not going to try to control him. I can't say anything, because he's doing better than me. Who am I to slap his wrists? I learn from him."

That's what you want your Dad saying about you in public.

But Dick still has a mountain to climb if he ever wants to reach the summit of questionable parenting conduct as Papa Joe Simpson wears that crown proudly, and is so far ahead of the field that he could look back, make a crack about Jessica's boobs and still get Ashlee some plastic surgery without breaking stride.

Now that's talent.



  1. Don'tforget Joe Jackson, who beat his children into the trainwreck that family has become.

  2. Kayla Says:
  3. That mother is an idiot.
    I suppose next she'll buy the Dustin Diamond sex tape, sit the kids down on the couch and bring out the popcorn!
    Ewwww..Andy Dick is repulsive on a whole 'nother level after that comment.
    And papa Joe sounds like he's got the hots for his own daughters.
    Kinda makes me shudder!

  4. Wendy Says:
  5. My first response to this post was: Andy Dick has A SON?

    Nope. I checked He has TWO sons AND a daughter.

    I guess some of us aren't as weird as our children think we are.

    My second comment: People who take little kids to grown-up movies should be drawn, quartered, then sixteenthed.

  6. Melissa Says:
  7. Any woman that would actually have sex with Andy Dick should be steralized and lobotomized. Or just shot in the head. For god's sake he was the only man to get arrested at Coachella for smoking pot. That has got to take some serious dumbfuckery.

  8. Miss Ash Says:
  9. I also was unaware that AD had any children, although i pay absolutely no attention to the man whatsoever so why would i?

    As for the bad parenting, i'm surprised they let her in the theatre with the children at all. Sounds like the parents i see that let their kids watch the sopranos and the family guy...

  10. Anonymous Says:
  11. I went to see the Exorcist when it returned to theatre a couple years ago. A couple was sitting in the front row with their toddlers. About 15 minutes in, both the kids ran out of the theatre after their mom told them to "Shut up." The kids did not return and the parents NEVER got up to check on them.

    God I wish I had a syringe of depo to keep them from procreating for at least three months. Extreme? I used to think so.

    Honestly, what is wrong with people?

  12. JLee Says:
  13. This is a pet peeve of mine. When I saw "The Grudge" there was a little kid crying a couple of rows ahead of us. What is wrong with these people??! Do they want to scar their children for life?? Even in kid movies, when I went to see "Nanny McPhee" with my daughter, this woman was letting her daughter climb on some railing with those light up shoes that flash really bright. After about 20 minutes of this, I walked my timid self over, tapped her on the shoulder and asked her to kindly make her daughter sit down! The girl was not that young either, maybe 7 or 8. Sorry for going on, but this really chaps my ass. lol

  14. Tbone - I should not have overlooked Joe because all in all, he's probably slightly ahead of Simpson. Good call.

    Kayla - The mother is an idiot, Joe Simpson makes me want to vomit although I think that I would take my kids to see The Departed before the Screech sex tape. Maybe.

    Wendy - Who would have guessed that Dick had been allowed to procreate so much, and I am in complete agreement wiht your second comment.

    Melissa - Dick is by all accounts a flat-out oversexed moron. My question is who is giving it to him, but loved the serious dumbfuckery line. Very true.

    Miss Ash - This seems to be getting worse and worse and needs to be stopped by theatres because they just don't seem to care.

    M - It would take a long time to touch on what is wrong with people, but The Exorcist? Are you kidding? That's one of the worst movies I can think of to take a kid to, and then let run unsupervised around the theatre. And I'm not selling your solution about procreation short at all.

    Jlee - It chaps my ass too, and that is why I finally had to mention it because I've seen it too often lately. It's wrong for the kids and for the other people trying to watch the movie. I do wonder what happened when you asked the woman to reign her kids in? Most of the worst ones act like you're being rude by trying to get them to do their job and act responsible. And that really pisses me off.


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