It's officially been one month since I began my diet, and I recently sent some pictures of my results to my nutritionist for a progress report.
The feeling is vaguely like getting your report card in elementary school and knowing that you would have to show your parents that you received a poor mark in citizenship. 
Luckily, we both agreed that I was hovering around a solid B right now, and it was good to hear some validation because here's been my unofficial score card for the month:
- General anger with the world - 7 (out of 10)
- Specific anger towards commercials featuring food - 9 (out of 10)
- Number of alcoholic beverages consumed - 1
- Number of dairy or sugar products consumed - 0
- Average number of meals per day - 7
- Days of cardio activity - 27
- Days of weight-lifting - 23
- Need for a deep-tissue massage - 9.5 (out of 10)
- Sense of humor - Dropping like a stone
- Sexual activity and stamina (as told by my wife) - Roughly akin to a 3-Toed Sloth on tranquilizers
- Amount of time spent thinking about sex - Decrease of at least 20%
- Amount of time spent thinking about food - Increase of at least 20%
- Number of erections caused by Tex-Mex - 1 and I don't care to discuss it.
All I do know is that it's a sad state of affairs when you stop dreaming about getting laid, and start dreaming about food and drinks.
Call it a moral flaw or a sad preoccupation or a self-inflicted wound because all are correct, however, I'm determined to see this through for at least 4 more weeks because the Dean of the NYC agency will only accept an A or higher.
So it's back to the drawing board for now.
-BDS
Damn thee. All I can think of now is guacamole, hot flour tortillas and a Dos Equis or Negro Modelo.
Texx Mexxx....aaaahhh *drool*
Man, you're not helping my motivation, here! The pic looks pretty good to me. All you need is a speedo and you'll give Ahnold a run for his money.
Melissa - I'll take the whole bunch expect for the guac as I never liked it despite its fun appearance.
Jlee - A far cry from Arnold, but I have niether his genetics nor his steroids. A pity as it would have been fun to play Conan in the next movie.
Oh good Im not the only one that is getting aroused by food these days.
I feel your pain really I do.
Keep up the HARD(or lack of) WORK HAHA, sorry.
You had me laughing out loud with your progress report....your wife must really really love you LOL.
So how are you feeling now that you are a month into the diet? You look pretty good to me but what will happen once you reach your goal, then what will you eat.
Keep up the good work. Your wife is a saint for putting up with this.
Emma - I plan to keep it up for good or ill, and I am starting to believe that there is nothing wrong with food arousal. It worked for Mickey Rourke in "9 1/2 Weeks."
Miss Ash - The way I feel varies day-by-day, and I hope my wife loves me or that's just another problem to add to the list. Right now, I don't even want to think about what might happen after another month.
Sarcastic - I suppose that comparison is apt because it must be like living with a monk.
Jenni222 - We do what we can around here at 2 Dollar Productions, and unfortunately the working out is definitely needed but you also have to eat like a pauper instead of a King for the results to really follow. Selah.
food arousal worked for George Costanza too!
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
You should be happy with yourself just the way you are. If other people don't like it, they don't have to look at you! I am SURE you have a NICE personality! God doesn't make junk!
I am running out of positive statements.
"Number of dairy or sugar products consumed - 0" in a month?
Holy moly! I'm inspired. That's one of the most impressive stats I've seen in a while.
Miss Britt - That is indeed me in the picture, and I wish I could transplant you to New York and into the body of the agent I've been speaking/meeting with for the past year and a half.
Jlee - I had forgotten about that one, but that was a hilarious episode when he ends up going too far with a pastrami sandwich or something like that.
Girlbehind - That is more than enough positive statements, and I appreciate them all.
Luce - Thanks a lot. I'll be here all this month and next with my feats of amazing dietary grace.
I think you look great (as I have said many times before) , if not, a little to muscly for my liking.
What type of a model are you trying to be!?!?
An old *friend* of mine became a model. Before the fact, he used to play soccer, football and drank a lot of beer like the rest of us... he was healthy, he was so gorgeous. 10/10. Then, they told him to lose weight, he did, a LOT of weight, and I lost my attraction to him completely. Although he was still beautiful on the inside, he was product of someone elses opinion. And that was yuk.
There is a positive trend starting...not sure if it applies to males also, but we ran a story about some models who were rejected in Spain for being too thin! They're going for a more healthy look...hallelujah!
Friday - Thanks & unfortunately the muscles are needed as it would be fitness modeling with an eye towards commercials as well, which is where the real money lies. As for your friend, that is kind of yuk and it can be a tough trap when you're depending on someone else's opinion. The only reason I care about this guy in NYC's opinion is because he holds the key to getting me in front of the money people, however, it in no way is affecting my self-worth, which remains firmly intact.
Jlee - That's good news because I feel that if you saw most models on the street you would think they just look weird and sickly and you would want them to eat something very quickly.
All I can say is I hope all your torture and denial is worth it in the end for you. Congrats to your wife for loving you despite what you have to go through..ps..keep up the good work and you'll reach your goal!!
LOL, I like your list. And your wifes description of you lol.
Symplyamused - I don't know if it's worth it or not, but we'll know in another month or so and thanks for the good wishes.
Carmel - I might have put words in her mouth, however, the comparison is apt.
yummy! A+
Im going to say what we are all thinking..