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SPATS - What Are They Good For . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Thursday, January 18, 2007

"In all of my relationships with women, I had always done everything possible to avoid a spat. I hated spats almost as much as I hated infantile editors. I would lie, cheat, and steal to avoid a spat and justify it on the grounds that spats were bad for my work. Shouting, cursing, and lecturing went along with the spats I had known, and I didn't agree with the theory that spats were healthy because they let you get the anger out of your system. Spats never solved anything that I knew of, but maybe I had never been a part of a good one.

Another thing about spats. There was never a good time or a good place to have them. A person was either eating, drinking, working, thinking or sleeping, and why would you want to interrupt any of those things for a spat?"
- Dan Jenkins, "You Gotta Play Hurt"

I couldn't agree more with Jenkins.

A good spat is something I can't recall, however, I can remember vividly many nasty ones that served to upset my stomach and generally ruin whatever I had been trying to accomplish prior to the disruption.

This attempted avoidance often leads to glossing over certain things and leaving out others entirely because they have the potential to lead to a spat.

Ironically, it's this same deception that usually makes the spat even worse when it does occur as spats are like cockroaches or Jim Belushi - they never really disappear; they just hide for awhile and then come back stronger than ever.

But what are they really good for? That is the real question.

Perhaps I'm not qualified to answer as I come down firmly on the side of avoidance, so if anyone can explain the justification, I'm all ears as I hate to discount something without giving it some proper consideration.

If not, I still side with Jenkins who offered:

"I ordered another coffee and sat there awhile and tried to think of any men I knew who enjoyed spats. I couldn't think of any."




  1. Anonymous Says:
  2. then dont do the shit that pisses us (women)off. duh

  3. Anonymous Says:
  4. I don't recall ever having a good spat with anyone either. Sure men have done things to piss me off and i've called them on it but they were more like discussions than anything else.

  5. locomocos Says:
  6. so you'd lie, cheat and steal to avoid a spat?

    wouldn't that change the 'spat' into a full blown fight?

    I would rather have a 'spat' than a big fight about lying, cheating and stealing.

    A 'spat' always made me think along the lines of 'lover's quarrel'. Like you are bickering but it's really lightweight.

    that guy sounds like he forgoes spats to end up on the Jerry Springer show....

    but hey, i don't like them either.

  7. nobich Says:
  8. I love a good fight!!! But not on Jerry Springer

  9. Anonymous - Fair enough.

    Miss Ash - Sometimes they turn into "discussions," but in my expereience they usually lapse into spats rather quickly.

    Locomocos - That's a good point, and the definition of a spat likely varies from person to person. But I've never had one bad enough to land me on Springer - yet. Ha.

    Nobich - Maybe you should get out the boxing gloves and spar a little for the fight. Actually, I would greatly prefer that to verbal jabbing.

  10. Melissa Says:
  11. Fighting is good. No name calling (especially about your mothers) but dig in, hold your position and have at it. I don't think you fully know a person until you've had a fight with them. Attitudes and emotions come out of people when they are letting it fly that you would normally NEVER see, and these attitudes and emotions are important.

    Besides, if you don't fight you can't have make-up sex. And make-up sex is AWESOME!

  12. slopmaster Says:
  13. Miss Ash.. YOU may have called them discussions, but they were spats.

    No spats for me, just make up sex.

  14. Anonymous Says:
  15. To Anonymous, I'd say that it's not possible to avoid the shit that pisses women off.

    I'm definitly on the spat-avoidance team.

  16. Anonymous Says:
  17. You are asking the Queen of Avoidance about spats? Other than airing the air, I can't think of a single use for one...

  18. Melissa - I won't argue that make-up sex is awesome, but I still don't know if it's always worth the spat that precedes it was there's got to be other ways to achieve the same end.

    Slopmaster - Good point. If you could skip right to the sex part and bypass the spat then you're onto something.

    Robert - I'll sign you up for the team as it is virtually impossible to be on your guard at all times.

    Symplyamused - An avoider yourself, eh? I love the "airing the air" part. I'll have to file that one away for later use. Ha.

  19. Anonymous Says:
  20. Spats serve no purpose other than usually making one person (who starts it) even madder and the other person mad and sick and unable to accomplish anything. You ask if there is a man who would enjoy a good spat, I would there probably isn't one, but a girlie-man just might. My daughter has a friend named Skylar and he picks a fight just to cause drama. It's just no one I know considers him a real man.

  21. Joelle Says:
  22. if you are going to have a spat, you might as well have the full blown argurment that will follow it a month later, go big or go home. sure fights suck, and are simultaneously healthy for a relationship .. but honestly i hate hostile confrontation (as well as any other emotionally climactic confrontation for that matter) and i am with you 100%. sad but true.

  23. Sarcastic - That's funny about Skylar as I have a low tolerance for anyone, male or female, who starts drama for its own sake.

    Joelle - The problem with spats is that they typically fall into "hostile confrontation" rather easily, which is another reason why I try to avoid them like the plague.


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