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Is It Really Cheating If . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, January 16, 2007

{This is the sixth in a recurring series which will explore the brutally complex concept of monogomy in increasingly outlandish scenarios. We hope these will be illuminating what-if scenarios, and that they will cultivate some intense philosophical discussions around what, if anything, really constitutes cheating.}

For a break from the intricate scenarios that have previously dominated this series, and also due to the fact that I'm getting a little stir crazy and delirious from being loft-bound for the past several days due to an ice storm, let's go with several brief but difficult tests to monogomy.

Is It Really Cheating If:

A) She tells you afterwards that you're the best she's ever had

B) You both climax at the exact same time

C) It occurs in a secluded cabin in Alaska where nobody sees you but her sled dog

In my mind, the mitigating circumstances include:

A) If you're the best at anything, maybe you should share the wealth and teach. Be a giver.
B) This precise timing cancels the act out entirely. Thus, not cheating.
C) A classic philosophical argument akin to if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound question. To wit, if you have sex with someone in the backwoods of Alaska and only an animal sees the animalistic act on display, maybe it doesn't count because who's the dog going to tell?

This logic may be suspect, but as I mentioned, I've been locked up eating ground turkey and brown rice for days, so my mind is a bit warped. Selah.



  1. Anonymous Says:
  2. Yes they are all cheating. Every scenerio you've done has been cheating....there's gotta be one out there there isn't. What if the significant other has been in a coma for 10 years?

  3. slopmaster Says:
  4. I like the best ever thing, but girls say that all the time, and almost never mean it.

  5. Anonymous Says:
  6. They are all cheating. Plus if someone tells you that you are the best, it is unlikely that you could keep it a secret. That being said, most people will agree that giving is good, the getting is better, and not sharing under those circumstances is the best.

  7. Miss Ash - You were undecided about the last plane scenario if I remember correctly. The coma thing is a good one, and I'll have to re-brand that one for future use if you don't mind.

    Slopmaster - True, but as long as you don't dwell on it too deeply then I think you're still in the clear. Take them at their word.

    Sarcastic - That's an excellent point as how could you not tell people if you were the "best ever?"
    There's also something to be said for not sharing too much.

  8. Anonymous Says:
  9. In my amazement your topic for your poll is always CHEATING. This kind of scenario bothers you a lot I think. When is your last confession to your priest? Are you married? If you are married and you had sexual intercourse with another person that's cheating.If its only in your mind and words alone that's a fantasy or imagination based on the kind of reasons. You don't know what human mind is capable of unless you can read what's inside their brain. OK? Now I'm yawning answering this topic. You are witty and funny to the extent that you want to dwelve in to the psyche of someone whom you probably know?

  10. Anonymous Says:
  11. Dude.

    For heaven's sake, eat a cheeseburger.


  12. Anonymous Says:
  13. I like Miss Ash's coma scenario. Just like on "Desperate Housewives"! haha I mean, they're asleep right? What do they care? Do people get a trophy for the best sex ever? Why do women say that but not men? Or maybe it's just me?...damn. Is that too many questions for one post?

  14. Anonymous - That's a lot of information/questions/etc, but let me sort through some of them: I'm not Catholic so no priests for me, happily married, a series called Is It Really Cheating will likely always be about cheating, and I think that this series was meant to be light-hearted and fun and not based on anyone that I personally know, so . . . maybe that's not happening. Ha.

    Wendy - If only I could. I would. But I can't. At least not until the end of February. There will be a forthcoming post detailing why.

    Jlee - People should get a trophy & I remember watching some of that DH episode (though not all of it). And there's never too many questions for a post in my book as my theory is that men like to hedge their bets & would never admit out loud that it was the best they ever had. Just a theory.

  15. Anonymous Says:
  16. are email relationships cheating? just wondering. And at one point does it become cheating if ever? and if not cheating, at what point does it become deceptive and dishonest and unfair to the significant other?

  17. Anonymous Says:
  18. BTW- yes, all scenarios presented are cheating. which I know you are aware of :)

  19. Anonymous Says:
  20. Be a giver.
    I like that!
    If an e-mail thing isn't really cheating?
    Who wants to get it on????

  21. Anonymous - Yes, I realize that all the scenarios listed are cheating. Ha. Just trying to see if there were any allowances out there, and that sounds like an entirely different post that I will have to concoct sometime when my brain is less fuzzy.

    Girlbehind - See that's the challenging part about email is that you can say anything, but what does it really mean because you can't get physical with a hard drive despite the name.

  22. Jackie Says:
  23. Definitely not cheating. Canceling out and in the forest? She's got to let it slide. I probably would. I'd be like... Ok, I don't like what you did but up top for your defense of it.

  24. Ahhh, it's about time I had someone hope the fence to the other side of the argument. Bravo.

    I'm glad my theories resonated elsewhere.

  25. Anonymous Says:
  26. Cheating! but I like the Alaska scenario... I stayed home with the kid today due to the ICE. ACK! Can't wait to go back to work tomorrow even if I have to take off at 3pm. Cheer up, it's only suppose to rain this weekend...hahaha

  27. You're right. It will ONLY be rain this weekend and into next week. I wanted some winter weather and now I'm sick and tired of it. Pitiful.


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