"He said 'Baby, up your butt with a coconut.' I think he was prepared to do it. But I saw no coconut. There was no coconut to my knowledge." - Bill Murray - Quick Change 
It's Friday again, and since my birthday is looming on Monday, it is also a celebratory weekend. But before anything interesting can begin, there is work to do and news to dissect, so let's jump right in with:
Leonardo DiCaprio told Newsweek that he almost gave up acting after feeling like "a piece of meat following the international success of Titanic in 1997.
Personally, I treat my meat extremely well and I think there are far worse things to be construed as, but I think what might have made me want to quit was when James Cameron told me I'd have to stand at the front of the ship and yell "I'm the king of the world."
Paris Hilton was sentenced to three years' probation this week after pleading no contest to alcohol-related reckless driving. 
From now on, Paris will be driven around by Nicole Richie. Bad idea. Perhaps Lindsey Lohan? Even worse idea. If the judge was in my pocket, I think a sentence of 3 years making Paris take the bus would have been much more appropriate.
Keira Knightley sued Britain's Daily Mail for insinuating that she was dangerously thin, and that she might have an eating disorder. 
Yeah, she looks about as healthy as 90-year-old woman on a feeding tube.
Jennifer Aniston will play a lesbian in her guest stint of FX's Dirt and share a kiss with former "Friends" co-star Courteney Cox. The former Friends co-stars, who are best friends in real life, play bitter enemies and rival tabloid editors on the March 27 season finale.
I guess that would make them "Friends" with benefits, eh? Those are always the best kind.
Last week on Quick Hit Friday, I speculated whether "Grey's Anatomy" star Isaiah Washington would go to rehab or be fired first - and the winner is . . . Rehab as the actor has started counseling as "a necessary step towards understanding why I did what I did . . . "
I am so sick and tired of people doing insanely stupid things, and then using rehab as a get-out-of-jail free pass. Washington is merely the latest example.
Tyra Banks has always emphasized the importance of body confidence, but told People magazine that it stung when tabloids ran pictures of her in a swimsuit under headlines like , "America's Next Top Waddle" and "Tyra Porkchop."
Banks said it was "such a strange meanness. . . . It was really hurtful."
{Editor's Note: This is not the swimsuit shot in question}
She's likely right about it being flat-out mean, but weight issues aside, Tyra seems more than a little crazy and extremely egocentric from nearly every clip I've ever seen of "America's Next Top Model" or her talk show. So, I guess there are some subjects that even Tyra doesn't want to discuss about herself.
As always, let's end with a gold image that makes me want to purr like a leopard:
And with that in mind, I hope everyone indulges their animal instincts this weekend, so . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
Great post! Witty and informative (tabloid-style..(informative not tabloid-style witty- its witty witty) ok. now that that is settled- happy friday and happy b-day :)
Hope you have a Birthday extravaganza weekend!!!!
and a Happy Friday to you too!!
I'm sick of everyone going to rehab after doing something dumb. Why not just say "hey, I was an asshole... sorry" and move on? Some publicist came up with that rehab junk.
We're celebrating my friend J's birthday this weekend (his is Monday as well) so it should be a hootenanny. Maybe some Bingo and Luby's cafeteria. Have a great birthday weekend of fun and be careful!
My animal instincts are currently on a logging job in WA state. May I request that you indulge a bit for me? Seriously, the sacrifice would be for me. You're a giver, I know, so hopefully this won't be too much of a hardship. >:)
I think Leo said he was "cute" meat. Well, duh. That's how he got into the business. The only movie I liked him in was "The Quick and the Dead," and that's because Gene Hackman shoots him.
Have a nice birthday weekend. It's my anniversary weekend. You were probably about six when I got married. I feel old, but, what the hell, I'm still married. And to a great guy.
It would be nice if the rest of us could just go to rehab rather than be fired or go to jail.
P.S. I'm not sure what Sean Connery movie you are thinking of, but he did do some odd ones in the 80s.
Anonymous - Thank you as I try to rise slightly, ever so slightly, above it. Sometimes it works. Ha.
Nobich - I appreciate both & happy Friday to you.
Jlee - Exactly on the rehab thing. And since I go to Luby's & Bingo nearly every week anyway, I think I'll try something different for my b-day. Regardless, have fun.
Bostonpobble - I am a humanitarian, and despite the enormous favor you're asking, I will try my best. Sorry about your missing logger, but those trips can't last forever.
Wendy - I hope you have a good anniversery as being married for so long and to someone you actually want to be married to is quite a stellar situation. And I remember liking the Quick and the Dead as well despite how silly a lot of it was.
Sarcastic - Wouldn't it be nice if we had that fail-safe clause too? And I'm going to find the Connery movie I"m thinking of this weekend. I promise.
Happy almost birthday!!! You you have a gonzotastic one.
I wish I could make Keira eat. :( I like her. Her lack of consumption makes me all teary eyed. Kinda.
Though she looks fit, I really want to bring Keira a big sandwich and some cake ... perhaps birthday cake! Happy Friday and Happy Birthday!!
Wit & Humor - I do get it. Now it all makes sense to me.
Dr - Thanks as I will try & I feel the same way about Keira as I generally like her, but wish she would eat.
Lshortman - I think Keira has crossed over from lean/fit to closer to scary-skinny & thanks for the b-day wishes.
Oh my gosh, Tyra Banks IS the most egocentric person on earth. She uses every opportunity possible to talk about herself. She's so self-absorbed it makes me sick... and since I'm pretty self-abrobed myself I have a high tolerance for it. (see!! I managed to talk about myself!)
That's exactly how I feel about Tyra, although it is hard to not talk about yourself sometimes (witness yr. comment. Ha).
Keira is super-fit, but would it kill her to put on a small layer of fat? That is just way to thin.
Jennifer Aniston's outfit is hot, I want it.
Tyra is a little scary in that photo, but her boobies are still working it.
Agreed on all fronts. Except for Anniston's outfit, which I am more than happy to recommend to any females out there as a good idea - even Tyra. Ha.