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Singing The Airplane Blues . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, January 03, 2007

I can't seem to get over the subject of travel lately, and the fact that I'm working through a cold doesn't help matters.

Although I have no definitive proof, I would bet at least $2 that my sickness was due to the multiple airplanes I rode in last week as those things are just flying germ boxes and about as sanitary as Lindsay Lohan after a 3-day bender.

Even if I feel perfectly fine before boarding, I almost always leave feeling sick. The fact that people are coughing, vomiting, farting, blowing their nose, and putting their hands on my seat makes it virtually impossible to make it to your destination with a clear system.

It doesn't help matters that you can't drink the water onboard and they frequently run out of bottled water for no good reason. I could handle this hydration issue with a more giving spirit if the airline personnel had better attitudes or were better-looking or both. The days of good-looking stewardess has gone the way of the dodo as I haven't seen one in years that I might take home after a cocktail or three.

They certainly don't look like Britney Spears in her "Toxic" video.

Of course, Britney Spears doesn't even look like Britney Spears these days but that's another matter entirely.

Besides being parched and half-sick, the odds of getting food is also low unless you bring it on yourself. It takes a lot of arm-twisting to get a second bag of peanut these days, which doesn't seem like a particularly difficult request as most people have to eat.

Jessica Alba doesn't seem to be one of them, however, as she recently showed up looking gaunt somewhere around New Years.

Ouch. She must be hanging out with Kate Bosworth and discussing ways to not eat as her curves (which are the main thing she has going for her as her acting chops are suspect) are long gone.

I think this post is wandering due to my fever so I'm going back to bed. I've got work to catch up on, blogs to read and medicine to take, but sometimes a nap will suffice.

For now, it will have to do until I can win the lotto and buy my own plane to charter me around the country complete with clean air and the Swedish Bikini Team to look after customer satisfaction.

Dare to Dream.



  1. Melissa Says:
  2. Slow down, bubba, that lotto is mine. It's going to finish paying for my flying lessons.

    And no Swedish bikini team on Air-Mel either. I want the U. of Michigan swim team. I'm just sayin...

  3. nobich Says:
  4. Welcome back & Happy New Year kiddo!!

  5. Anonymous Says:
  6. It's not often one hears the word "parched" i love it.

    I always bring a gigantor bottle of water with me when i fly as they certainly do not come around nearly enough to quench my thirst. I was paranoid after the whole "no liquids" thing came into effect, however i was able to purchase a bottle after security and bring it with me.

    Miss Ash

  7. Melissa - There will be plenty of money to go around when I win the lotto, so I'll mark your flying lessons down on the list.

    Nobich - Thanks & Happy New Year right back.

    Miss Ash - I try to bring one as well, but sometimes if I'm late for a connection this goes by the wayside. And I'll try to keep the odd words coming in 2007 posts.

  8. Anonymous Says:
  9. Aww feel better!!! I hate airplanes, airplane food and anything associated with jet lag. Yuck.

  10. Anonymous Says:
  11. I woke up extremely sick New Year's Day (not from drinking, sadly) and spread the love to my fellow passengers the next day.

    You're welcome!

    hee hee happy new year

  12. Anonymous Says:
  13. aw, I'm sorry you're not feeling well! I am doing ok, despite feeling like someone has poked me in the eyes with an inkpen repeatedly. Maybe I exaggerate a bit ;) Eat your chicken soup, get your cuddly blankie and a good movie, and stay off those planes for a while!

  14. Anonymous Says:
  15. Planes and doctors offices are the worst. I got so sick once the doctor I went to almost didn't let me back on the plane to go home and what was worse I was sick in Vegas. He was an old air force air flight doctor and he told me what to do if I'm planning to fly and want to stay healthy. Bring your own bottled water cause they usually run out. Also an hour before the flight take 2 Sudafed or other antihistimine type stuff. Also an hour before snort up some 12 hour mositurizing nose drops. Both things together make it difficult for germs to take hold of your system. I've been doing it ever since and have luckily been just fine. He told me that was what keeps a lot of pilots going. I hope you feel better soon!

  16. Dr - You and me both and I'm on the road to recovery - I can feel it.

    Julia - I always knew you were a giver. But sometimes it's best to keep things to ourselves, eh? Appreciate the gift.

    Jlee - I'm off planes for awhile as I'll be driving next time, and I'm glad your eyes came through the surgery. And hopefully the procedure didn't solely consist of them jamming pens in your eyes.

    Sarcastic - Thanks for the tips, and you're completely right about Dr's office too. Those are the second worse place in my book as everyone is sick and miserable.


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