Today was a better day at work as I only encountered one putrid stench that made me want to shove Kleenex up my nostrils and a giant cork into the ass of the poor beast who dropped his unholy load into the 3rd floor section B bathroom.
But enough shit talk as drugs were the order of the day. 
It's not how it sounds as this might be Austin, but it's not that liberal of a city.
Instead, it has to do with the rash of supplements I'm taking for my diet which have become so prolific that they now consume 1/8th of my desk. This wouldn't be such a bad thing if:
A) I didn't have them all in Ziploc baggies
B) The chocolate protein powder didn't look like heroin ("Heroin Frank heroin. That's a pretty tall order Nordberg, you'll have to give me a couple of days on that one.")
C) My glutamine powder didn't look like cocaine
I hadn't really considered how this might appear until the evening cleaning person came to empty my trash and gave me a knowing and secretive smile as he glanced at the stash on my desk.
Following his gaze, it suddenly occurred to me that this guy didn't think I was working late on business, but rather I was hanging around to sniff and/or snort my way to oblivion.
By the time this thought occurred to me the old man had shuffled off and I wasn’t going to chase him down and tell him urgently that he was wrong and that he better keep his mouth shut or I would find him and make him pay.
No.
This would have only made me look more guilty, and he might have called the cops thinking I'd already danced with the white devil. Besides, I try to keep my terrorizing of children and old people to a bare minimum and only when they really deserve it.
In the end, it was better that I simply went back to my work and I did - until I started thinking about drugs and their demographic usage groups.
I have no statistics to back this up, but here are my thoughts:
1) Pot - This spans a variety of people from college stoners to personal trainers to executives to suburbanites who like a little grass with their vodka tonics.
2) Cocaine - Power brokers and Hollywood actors and other people who don't care that it's edgy as hell and leaves you horny and egomaniacal and impotent which is a lethal combination
3) Heroin - Musicians, Young Hollywood and Europeans
4) Mushrooms - Hippies and old-time hippies who live in the desert
5) Booze - Runs the gamut and yes alcohol is a drug
6) E - Club kids who think the answer to life is house music and glow sticks and textures that feel good. Sooo good. 
7) Acid - People that still follow Grateful Dead cover bands 
8) Crack - Whitney Houston and city folk
9) Meth - Country folk
Again, this is a highly unscientific and I refuse to be quoted about it; especially because I've got to keep one eye on this cleaning person because I know he's watching me.
-BDS
So what is all that stuff for, BDS? You into body building?
have you TRIED snorting the chocolate protein powder? You might be onto something!
And here's a humdinger from Top 10 Quotes of All Time...
Whitney Houston - "Crack is whack."
Hint on the protein shakes - blend a batch of 4 or 5 and throw it in the ice cream freezer. Let it blend for like 20 or 30 minutes and portion it out in styrofoam cups. Next best thing to ice cream. Because sometimes a sister needs some Blue Bell.
Oh that's hilarious. The cleaning man probably sneaks back into your office everynight and snorts your protein powder. I also carry mine to work in baggies and feel that people are staring, i however keep it in my desk drawer.
The Glutamine, is that really important? I took it once cause i was told it helps repair your muscles or something...
I smoke cause it gives me knowledge!
Skip the Vodka Tonic.
I am a Martini girl!
Wow ~ I've missed this blog! I have to come up for air more often though as I have just spent an inordinate amount of time catching myself up. And while they are all comment worthy, I just have to add:
Husband as purse...? You know, I can carry my own lipstick if that's all you have to offer me.
Nancy Drew - I was a personal trainer for years, followed by some fitness modeling and now I'm dieting for a shot at more work in NYC as a side project. That and a horribly bland diet constitute my life right now.
Jlee - I have not as I tend to ingest it the old-fashioned way, and my co-workers might look at me a bit funny.
Melissa - I remember Houston making that comment on TV, and thanks for the shake info as I need something to change things up.
Miss Ash - I'm keeping an eye on the levels. As for the glutamine, it's good for the immune system and for recovery if you're training hard.
Stiltwalker - And appreciate really funny movies and eating - a lot.
Girl - Shaken not stirred? Martini's aren't my thing so much as I don't like gin because it tastes like aftershave to me.
Bostonpobble - You should know better than to be gone too long, but life intrudes on us all. The purse thing might be Kutcher's big contribution as well as looking pretty because it's probably not for deep conversation.
wow that diet sounds hard core, and it's great to have the discipline to stick to it. You will have to show us these fantastic results some day!
Oh you were a personal trainer? You would be a great next door neighbour!
I like eyuour breakdown of drugs. That was pretty funny. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
I would agree that Meth is pretty much a drug of choice for country folk. Heck, it is so easy to sidle up to the fertilizer truck and take a few gallons without anyone noticing.
Carmel - I think I make an excellent neighbor for a variety of reasons. Of course I'm inherently biased.
Palm - It's unscientific, but hopefully a little accurate.
Sarcastic - You're right as it takes nothing to make it, it's cheap as hell and I've heard extremely addictive. And there's always fertilizer around, eh?