My office building is 4 stories tall and boasts 3 different sections.
I usually walk around the various buildings quite frequently to use different bathrooms as I enjoy the exercise, and it gets me away from my desk for awhile.
But today the walks were absolute shit - literally. 
It must have been a hearty weekend around Austin because the odors emanating from nearly every bathroom I tried today were so foul that it would bring tears to your eyes.
I tried different levels, buildings and times, but nothing could deflect that smell of defeat and burritos that hung in the air.
Most of the time the actual culprit was gone, however, one sick bastard was talking on his cell phone while taking care of some dirty business.
"Yeah we're still on for tonight downtown."
"You betch your ass I'm gonna call her."
"Lots of paperwork today."
If lots of paperwork meant depositing what seemed like a large Frito pie and a six-pack of Shiner Boch into the toilet then maybe he was being truthful, but I didn't stick around to find out as I consider this form of multi-tasking to be flat-out ridiculous. 
Another guy was blowing up the toilet while humming.
This scared me more than the cell phone talker because there seemed to be a distinct rhythm to his voice. It was almost like he was meditating or offering some sort of musical prayer to the gods of feces.
And I was terrified that if the deity actually answered the call that the entire room might combust because the stench was horrible and smelled like an enchilada sampler gone terribly awry.
There were several other phantom shitters in other restrooms, and this was pretty much a microcosm of my day.
I kept thinking to myself that Mondays are bad enough without having to worry what might be lurking behind every bathroom door in the building.
Maybe next time I'll just take a leak in the fountain outside.
-BDS
BDS that is the frickin funniest post I've read in a very very long time!!!!
Thanks man, you made my week!!! Really needed that !!!!
WOOOOOOOO Hoooooooooo!!!!!!!
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!
Oh man, fish tacos from Chuy's and ice cold chiner. Hell yes.
my vote for you to do it in the fountain. (or the coffee pot)
Nancy Drew - Glad I could help because it didn't do me any favors at the time.
Luce - They weren't all old - at least judging from some of the shoes that were poking out from underneath the stalls.
Melissa - That does sound good, but the problem seemed to be the everyone over-indulged and then brought it to the office.
Jenni222 - That is a horrible picture, and it's amazing what kind of images are running around cyberspace.
Stiltwalker - If I didn't drink a lot of coffee I might consider the pot.
Ewe!! Actually another blogger was writing about the disgusting things people do at work. His list included talking on cell phones in the washroom and bringing in paperwork as well. Who does these types of things?? I can't believe there are people out there who would not be embarassed to do so.
HAAHAHAH
You have such a way with words! I will never eat Frito Pie again...Of course I witnessed such a person who exited the stall and promptly walked out of the bathroom, WITHOUT WASHING THEIR HANDS! ack
Do you think if you went to the loo with paperwork and *accidentally* got brown *stuff* on it, you could pass it off as chocolate by licking it in front of your co-workers?
Wow. That was incredibly Deep Thought-ish.
TGIT.
p.s.
LOVE this post!
haha that's kind of hilarious =P But then disgusting at the same time. I hate public washrooms... no matter how clean they are I can't stand them.. I only use then where I really really have to.
Mahalo,
Sahar.
Is there something in the stars? I was having a similar experience with number 2's next door neighbor number 1. I have been squirming all day because of the poor aim of my male coworkers in the office unisex bathrooms.
And the homeless guy on the bus (the bus for staff and students, not The Public?!?!) yesterday? Wow. What a shitty piss-poor cosmic convergence is this? I'm going to throw up. Just a little.
Miss Ash - I agree as it's just nasty all the way around. No call is that important.
JLee - The filthy habits of people around restrooms never ceases to amaze me.
Cassie D - I don't think I would try to sell this story hard enough to actually go through with the licking. Never say never I suppose.
Dr - Public restrooms are the worst, and I think your policy is a very sane one. Only Briteny Spears finds it reasonable to walk around them with no shoes on.
M - There must be some kind of karmic cosmic convergence of crap and other bodily fluids. I don't know how else to explain it.
My boss told me today of a stunt his brother pulled on his buddies....he put peanut butter on the side of his hands and came out of the washroom licking them....
Give me your address, I'm sending you a copy of "Everybody Poops."
tee hee hee
Nancy Drew - That's pretty nasty, but I would think you would need to add some chocolate sauce for an even better effect.
Julia - I realize that everybody poops, but not everybody should be doing so on a Monday EVERY time I just want to pee. That being said, if you're serious about the book, let me know because I am always interested in top-notch literature.