Everyone has terrifying vacation stories, but for the group of hedonistic backpackers in the new movie, “Turistas,” the usual problems of bad weather and lost luggage pale in comparison to their powerful desire to escape Brazil with their vital organs intact. 
This plunge into hell borrows heavily from a host of marginally better films such as “Saw,” “Hostel,” and “The Descent.” There’s even a strong bit of the urban legend about waking up in a hotel bathtub, covered in ice and minus a kidney thrown into the mix.
The best thing about “Tursitas” is that it wastes no time in placing the group into danger as it begins with a harrowing bus trip through the Brazilian countryside. The bus is navigated by a booger-picking, speed-driven native lunatic who inevitably rolls it off a cliff, but luckily everyone jumps to safety before it goes completely over the side.
Josh Duhamel (“Las Vegas”), Olivia Wilde (“The O.C.”) and Melissa George (“Alias”) are the main players in the vacationing group that also includes a couple of stereotypical Europeans and a blonde tramp whose role consists of saying very little while wearing even less clothing. 
Following the crash, the group finds a secluded beach-front bar which seems like paradise – until they are all drugged and have everything stolen from them during a nighttime party scene.
From this point onward, the group makes frequently poor decisions on how to cope with this dire situation.
One of the main problems with this genre of films is that the writers and directors forget that in order for an audience to care about the plight of its characters, the roles must be written to build compassion or empathy instead of the detachment and irritation that exists in “Turistas.”
Some of the group manages to survive the horrific experience, but precious few keep their dignity when being forced by the script to make baffling decisions concerning their personal safety. 
Through a series of these choices, the group finds themselves in a secluded jungle-front house that is being run by a crazed surgeon harvesting vital organs from tourists.
The doctor’s rationale for this butchery is murky at best, but from one meandering monologue it seems to have something to do with Brazilian nationalism and an utter contempt for foreigners.
Despite this rigid philosophy, the doctor employs an Indian, a gringo and a European nurse to assist him for reasons that are never properly explained.
As Duhamel and company fight for their lives, the movie climaxes with a poorly-lit and unexciting chase through a series of underwater caves. This is problematic due to several characters who look alike and so it’s difficult to tell who is winning and where the danger lurks. 
In “Turistas,” the danger lurks nearly everywhere in Brazil. Until the very end of its running time, the only Brazilians depicted in the film are crazed drivers, thieves, whores, thieving whores, organ-harvesting surgeons and menacing gangs of children.
It’s a given that “Tursistas” will never be shown to boost the tourism industry in Brazil.
For others who are merely trying to watch this vacation from hell, we think one character summed it up best early in the film when she wailed “I just wanna go home.”
We felt the same way about 20 minutes into this clunker of a movie.
- BDS & JWS
I did not read this post as i may go and see this movie, didn't want any spoilers. However, i'm also afraid it might freak me out and deter me from travelling LOL, so maybe i won't go and see it....
You should have said "with some Nip/Tuck episodes thrown in"! hehe
I think I'll wait for it to come to cable, which may not be too far off. Thanks for the warning...
Miss Ash - I can't say I recommend it - see review - but if so don't pay full price. That's just a tip. And I think you're way smarter thant the backpackers in the film.
Jlee - Some Nip/Tuck would have been a good reference, and cable might be reasonable if it was late at night and there was nothing better showing. Maybe.