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Personal Training, Orgies & Questions . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, July 10, 2006

"The only thing that can break up an orgy is daylight
or a bigger orgy down the street," - Unknown man at Gold's Gym

{Editor's Note: This picture is supposed to represent a turn-of-the-century orgy. I'm not sure if I buy it}

I was a personal trainer for nearly 5 years before recently hanging up my old work attire of shorts and a tank top for an office job.

The training gig started as a lark, but then I began to really enjoy it and ended up managing a personal training studio before moving onto a women's only gym for my last two years of service.

Gyms can be microcosms of life and quotes like the intro to this post are commonplace as I experienced numerous strange and hilarious statements during my time in the trenches.

I still recall the horror of one particular man who was squatty, sweaty and hairy and boasted the awful habit of wanting to talk to me in the locker room while standing buck naked.


He never actually used the towel that was always draped casually on his shoulder or on the bench beside him, and I rarely heard a word he said because I would try to tune him out and escape to a happy place in my mind which didn't involve a hairy naked man talking about how "me and my son really moved some furniture around this weekend."

It didn't stop there as there was always something interesting or impossibly stupid being uttered in the gym.

Here's just a few of the ones that I still remember:

"If I do 2 sets of 15 reps then can I just do one set of 25 reps?" - Not by my math.

"Can I lower my body fat and still eat a few Krispy Kremes everyday?" - Unlikely.

"How much does the 15 lb. bar weigh," - Would you believe me if I told you 15 lbs.

"Can you not mention my extra training to my wife because I want to show her ass up at the 4th of July picnic this year?" - I suppose.

"Do you think my wife would notice if I hired a dancer from The Lodge (Dallas strip club) to watch our kids sometimes?" - This is likely a bad idea for a number of reasons.

I'm sure there are others, but I'm out of time and need to get back to my present job and living in the past is a dangerous proposition when there's work to do.

And if I'm lucky the asinine questions will be kept to a bare minimum.

-BDS

7 comments

  1. Dreamlover Says:
  2. Did you ever get it on with a girl who worked out at the gym?? ;0)

     
  3. Are you sure you're not scarred for life by the hairy naked guy? Lots of weird things go on in women's locker rooms too, including conversations about surgical procedures and the weird places hair grows on human bodies. Plus some women actually cut their toe nails in the locker room, which is so gross, because you know you can never find them all. Then this lady would sit there and take care of other personal business that I won't mention. Yuck!

     
  4. Grace Says:
  5. Ewww to sarcastic housewife #1's comment... that's so nasty. As is the naked hairy man. These are all reasons why I stay as far away as possible from gyms :D

     
  6. Miss Ash Says:
  7. My friend told me a funny story about this man who would always wear these awful spandex shorts and a tight tight Michelin Tires shirt. He was old and would follow my friend around, asking how much weight he was using and commenting that he could lift more. He would then stand and watch my friend workout while he tried to ignore him.

    I don't have any bad gym stories thankfully.

     
  8. Dreamlover - I generally prefer my clients to be female & a lot less furry than the hairy naked guy.

    Sarcastic - I still harbor a natural distrust for locker rooms, but I've always had that to a certain degree or another. The toenails thing, however, is also pretty nasty.

    Grace - I doubt that hairy naked men would end up in the women's locker room - at least not for long as the I'm sure the horrified screams would alert security.

    Miss Ash - That's just bizarre behavior, although I think it's hilarious that anyone would wear a Michelin tires t-shirt more than once.

    Jenni222 - The gym is all about competition and if I could afford and had room for a full-scale gym at home I would do it too.

     
  9. julia Says:
  10. the gym is about competition and that's why i go! if i'm not pushing myself against someone else (yeah, i don't care if it's a 45 year old overweight man), i'm probably not pushing that hard. which reminds me, i really need to go to the gym.

    my roommate the summer after my sophomore year was someone i didn't really know at all - we were both subleasing. she knew i was on the rowing team and therefore in good shape, and once she noticed i had bought potato bread and said, "so, like, is potato bread healthier? is that why you eat it?" "it was on sale," i said.

     
  11. I'm in the gym about 5 times a week and some of my best workouts are when there's someone else in there that I want to show who's the boss - at least in my mind.

    As for your roommate, they can be as competitive as people in the gym, but it's worse because you live them.

     

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