"Hey honey, you wanna make $14 bucks the hard way?" - Rodney Dangerfield, "Caddyshack"
It's been alternating between light rains and torrential downpours in Austin this week, a strange June occurrence that makes me feel like I've moved to the Northwest without my knowledge. Such a move would take me closer to Hollywood where this week:
Paris Hilton was released from jail, and then spoke to Larry King about the ordeal saying that she doesn't have a drinking problem, has never taken drugs and doesn't believe she deserved to be behind bars.
"I think the crime did not fit the punishment," Hilton said. 
And I think Hilton lied like a rug on Larry King, so we've all got our opinions I suppose.
Eddie Murphy has been confirmed as the father of Mel B's daughter as sources say the DNA tests have refuted Murphy's denials about fathering the three-month-old Angel Iris.
Shocking. Truly shocking as I thought Larry Birkhead was the father for sure.
But Mel B or Scary Spice won't have to depend on Murphy's child support for money as all five Spice Girls appeared in public together this week for the first time in years to announce a 25-date world tour. 
The tour will be entitled "Spice Girls: Because Our Careers Stalled."
John Stamos has apologized after making an eyebrow-raising appearance on the Australian chat show "Mornings With Kerri-Anne." The actor wandered around the set of the show, read host Kerri-Anne Kennerley's lines from the teleprompter and made lewd gestures in front of her.
Stamos blamed his disturbing behavior on "jet lag," but failed to acknowledge why he tied Kennerley to a chair for 12 hours and forced her to watch "Full House" re-runs.
Cameron Diaz apologized Sunday for carrying a bag with a political slogan that evoked painful memories in Peru after she visited the Incan city of Machu Picchu carrying an olive green bag emblazoned with a red star and the words "Serve the People" printed in Chinese.
The bags are marketed as fashion accessories in some world capitals, but in Peru the slogan evokes memories of the Maoist Shining Path insurgency that fought the government in the 1980s and early 1990s in a bloody conflict.
Diaz giggled and punctuated the apology with a belch and a request to know of Justin Timberlake's whereabouts.
A biopic about Playboy founder Hugh Hefner has been confirmed for production after he gave his final approval. The project will be directed by Brett Ratner - who hailed Hefner as the "godfather of the sexual revolution" and made his first visit to the Playboy mansion to confirm the deal.
Ratner later claimed that his next 42 trips to the Mansion were strictly for "research."
CNN newswoman Nancy Grace is four months pregnant with twins, and she told "Access Hollywood," "I always said I wanted a family. I grew up in a happy, loving family and I wanted it, too."
If Grace grew up in such a positive and healthy environment and turned out the way she did then I truly fear for her children because the odds are already stacked against them.
"Hey Paula," a new reality series which follows Abdul as she displays her bizarre life from one event to another debuted and found Abdul moaning that people don't appreciate "the gift" she is to the world.
The 'American Idol' judge breaks down and weeps in the first episode, and whines that "I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am. The way I've been treated is like a piece of dog s**t."
I don't think that Abdul is dog shit, although I could make the argument that pile of dog shit is quite possibly more stable than Abdul, who seems to be on the edge of hysterics and shame at any given moment.
But let's end with crazy antics and shit. I prefer an image like this:
I am a big fan of multi-tasking, and I excel at the skill, so I can admire this woman's body of work. But we can always improve, and with that mind, let things flow freely today for everyone and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
I'm surprised God didn't send a bolt of lightening straight through Larry's studio to zap Paris for the big whoppers she told. However, I'm certain the recording angel has made note. Just as cheaters never prosper, liars are never believed.
Where did she find a Moosehead Beer tap? She must be Canadian. If someone could magicalactically produce beer, who would choose Moosehead and Budweiser? There has to be more options!
A friend who's kinda in the "Biz" says Stamos is a known alcoholic and that's why his wife left him. Sad, 'cuz he's so pretty.
And, you started with a classic (Caddyshack) and ended with one (for you.)
Happy Friday 2 Bucks! Stay Dry.
Have you ever seen anyone more disgusted to be somewhere than Victoria Beckham is in that picture?
I saw Stamos once in person and the word that comes to mind is "petite." I know he's supposed to be some kind of stud, but he's just so freakin' dainty. Bleah.
If she's "a gift" can we return her?
Happy Friday!!!
I'd hate to see what her babies would be like after a week or two of breastfeeding.
On the other hand, I'll take a pint or two.
"I think the crime did not fit the punishment"
And here I thought she was dropping the dumb blonde act? ha
Man, I'm hungover today. I feel like a big pile o' Paula!
Have a good weekend :)
Sarcastic - Now I would have tuned in if that happened for sure. I wish the cheating thing were more true, but the liar/belief one is without a doubt.
Getoffmylawn - Must be. Ha. But I agree with you as I wouldn't drink either of those unless they were my only two choices (or they were pouring off a woman's breasts as in the picture).
Anonymous Boxer - Interesting. Uncle Jesse on the sauce is a sad state of affairs. And Caddyshack is classic. Happy Friday right back to you.
Bostonpobble - Ha. I noticed that same thing as you can tell she thinks she's about 12 rungs better than the rest of them.
Wendy - Petite indeed. And I love the word dainty in this context. Now that's funny.
Nobich - Return to sender. Good idea. And Happy Friday!
WhatIgot - Agreed. Besides, we need to sample the goods for quality control.
Jlee - If you're hungover than the last picture probably doesn't look so good to you. Ha. Feel better & have a good weekend.
I heard Larry King moved Michael Moore for Paris Hilton. Shame on him!! you may not care for Michael Moore's films.....if you read my blog you know I think he is genius....but really Paris is a waste of space and airtime....what exactly has this girl done with her life besides party and suck dick on video that ....oops...somehow got stolen ala Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson.
Poor John Stamos.....,I smell a rehab visit coming.
Spice Girls???? Do they actually have enough fans to have one reunion concert?
I was going to rant about that dumb as* Larry King, but when I found out Paris bumped Michael Moore all was right. Don't get me wrong, they are both unworthy of our atention, I just love the irony! Looks like this is the week of pompus, wealthy blowhards who need to pipe down .... ahhhh summer. I feel better now, *exhale* HAPPY FRIDAY !!
Linda-if bringing to light how busted our healthcare system (and GW is) is pompous...than I am all for it. try inhaling too. Happy Friday :)))
Vivavavoom - I don't have a clue who's going to go to these Spice Girls shows, but I am not one of them. And I am far too tired of Hilton to comment. Ha.
Linda - I really wouldn't have listened to either or them, and didn't despite the lack of good summer TV.
As for Michael Moore, here is my quick opinion: I am not a huge fan of him personally (a bit too self-aggrandizing (sp?) for me), although I do think he raises and makes some decent points/arguments that I agree with a healthy amount of the time. But he still annoys me a little.
I think Moore's films raise important topics, I just don't like his methods.
Some of his ambush tactics are questionable.