"If you want a daddy, I'll give you a spanking," - Dan Ackroyd, "Grosse Pointe Blank"
It's getting pretty damn hot in Austin as summer is here. Maybe it was the heat that caused some lethargy with celebs this week or maybe it was due to Lindsay Lohan being in rehab, but it seemed fairly quiet.
That being said, Paris Hilton checked in early to her new accommodations Sunday as she surrendered to Los Angeles County Sheriff's deputies to begin serving a 23-day jail sentence on a probation violation. For some reason, Hilton was released 3 days into her sentence in a cloud of mystery.
The Simple Life star will be confined to her house and forced to wear an electronic monitoring device, police said at a press conference and cited "medical reasons" for her early release. 
There's no real mystery to me (forget highly questionable "medical reasons")as the rich and famous are largely above the law, but I was hoping for some kind of Hilton prison-sex video to come from the ordeal and now that dream is dead.
Jim Carrey has agreed to star in a new film based on a real-life case concerning a prison inmate who falls madly in love with his cellmate. His cellmate is eventually freed prompting Carrey's character to escape from jail four times, and the project was pitched to financiers as "Catch Me If You Can" meets "Brokeback Mountain." 
A more interesting take would have been Carrey's turn in "The Mask" meets "Gladiator" meets "Brokeback Mountain," but if you're going for a real-life story then you probably have to eliminate that plot.
Vanessa Minnillo has been identified as the other woman in a series of photos featuring herself and Lindsay Lohan playing with knives and posing provocatively, an event which garnered her the cover of this week's Us Weekly. 
If enjoying pictures of good-looking women partying and playing with sharp objects is wrong, then I don't want to be right (and I'm just glad I have a subscription to US Weekly as well).
On a similar note, Liv Tyler and Kate Bosworth met up this week after lunch, and embraced before going their separate ways. 
Nothing noteworthy happened - I just enjoyed the way they said goodbye to each other.
There are rumors that Nicole Richie might be pregnant after some photos made the rounds showing her with a distended stomach. 
I seriously doubt this is true, but let's hope not as Richie doesn't eat enough to sustain one person much less two.
In a sad turn of events, Bob Barker retired from "The Price is Right" on Thursday, a job that the silver-haired icon has held for the past 35 years.
Barker was always a daytime gentleman, and a rock in the face of prize hysteria and television is worse off for his departure. That being said, his finest moment is likely beating the hell out of Adam Sandler in "Happy Gilmore."
I hate to keep harping on R. Kelly because I honestly don't care that much about him, but I just saw some of the lyrics contained on his new album and I can't help myself as he raps:
"My rocket is full of fuel, baby . . . Girl, I promise this will be painless/We're gonna make a trip to planet Uranus."
Poetry. Pure poetry.
The Rock announced a split from his wife Dany Garcia Johnson this week in a statement released to the media.
The statement read: "While certain aspects of our relationship have changed, we are both vitally important to each other's lives. "We will continue to advance and manage our business interests, our philanthropic efforts and most importantly the raising of our child together as a loving team. We've been fortunate enough to spend the last 17 years together as a couple and look forward to spending the rest of our lives together as best friends and business partners."' 
Basically, this statement means that the Rock got famous long after they first got together and now wants to have sex with a lot of different women who are throwing themselves at him. Shocking.
And speaking of shocking images:
So watch out for scary drivers this weekend, always keep your eye on the road and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
Happy Friday, glad to hear Paris Hilton is now officially above the law. Now I know if I ever get rich and famous, I'm gonna start offing people.
If Nicole's stomach is distended, it probably means she has rickets.
I love Bob Barker...
WhatIgot - Right back at you, and even celebrity killers have a good shot at getting off, although I think Phil Spector might be in trouble.
Wendy - A more likely scenario than pregnancy.
Bostonpobble - Who doesn't? He is a man among men.
I love "Grosse Pointe Blank"!
Man, I come back from the woods and Paris is already out of jail! What gives??
When I read the R. Kelly lyrics, I started laughing so hard, then went into a coughing fit, thank you very much. ha
Happy Friday!
Scary driver alright!! Happy Friday to you too!!
It's always the LAST picture that causes the coffee to spit out.
Thanks and have a great weekend.
Jlee - Grosse Pointe Blank is a classic movie. And you go on vacation, you miss stuff. It's a good thing QHF exists. Ha.
Nobich - Right back at you. Be safe on the roads.
Anonymous Boxer - You have a good one yourself, hit the heavy bag and don't send any computer repair bills down here for the coffee leaks that cause it to short-circuit.
I'm with JLee on the R Kelly lyrics, they made me laugh out loud. Interesting errr ughh imagine to end with.
Paris is now back in jail...where she should be..there is some justice in the world. I hope Nicole Richie isn't pregnant.... I think the bump is from malnourishment. Either way...get that girl some food and a doctor!!!
Love Bob Barker. Everyone get your pet spayed and neutered in honor of him!!!
ps
I thought it was bad when my grandmother rested her breasts on the kitchen table when I was little but that last pic may be a traffic violation. obstruction of view!
I guess Paris Hilton is really above the law and it is truely sad.
You are so right about Nicole Ritchie not being able to feed 2 people let alone 1 person.
Bob Barker will always be the man in my book.
Speaking of "the man" I will always, no matter what, be a R. Kelly fan.
That's why i freakin' hate blogger!! I don't know who the hell ipaintu is, but that last comment was from me.
I still have difficulty believing Steve Tyler (perhaps the ugliest man in the world) had anything to do with the procreation of Liv.
Miss Ash - I try to go with a good ending always, and those lyrics have made me laugh out loud long and often.
Vivavavoom - Yes, Paris is back in the pokey in some kind of karmic justice. I'm just sick of seeing it on EVERY single news show. And at least your grandmother wasn't a danger to other drivers. Ha.
Trina - That's weird, but blogger is known to be a rotten bastard on occasion. As for Kelly, I would allow that some of his beats/arrangements can be catchy, but you have to admit that some of those lyrics are terrible.
J717+ - As I mentioned, it has to be some kind of karmic justice. Now, let's move onto some real news, eh?
Idig - I don't even like to think about nor consider that fact. Just enjoy Liv free of that man's influence.
I love Grosse Pointe Blank.
It's where I got my email address from.
Why is R. Kelly still around?
I'd do The Rock. Wait. What? Did I just say that?
That poor, poor girl. That photo causes me pain. How can she even move, breathe? OMG, that is shocking.
Sherry - R. Kelly is a total mystery to me, and I can't believe you have the good taste to make that your email address AND say that about the Rock. Such a paradox.
Gotta appreciate the poetic genius that is R. Kelly...
What a jackass!
Better not say that word within his earshot..might give him ideas...
then again, so might the word "earshot"
HA
KJ - Ha. Excellent points as you have to be very careful with Kelly AND I damn sure wouldn't turn my back on the guy.