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Personal Hell . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, July 02, 2007

It was a weekend filled with driving, food and fireworks for me as nearly $400 worth of explosives were ignited and I'm still eating leftover chicken and brisket and potato salad, which is almost better than the first time it goes down.

Despite an excellent time, however, it was the driving that raised my irritation point beyond its normal level thanks to an abundance of personalized license plates that ran the gamut from silly to the point of wishing physical harm upon some drivers.

I have always regarding personalized plates with a health amount of fear and loathing. At best, they are innocuous, but at their worst they can destroy a car and the person inside it. I have no problem with people placing their initials on the metal as that seems just fine to me.

But when crap like "My Toy" or "Spd Dmn" start showing up, it's time to reign people in before they hurt themselves - or I do it for them.

The one that sent me over the edge this weekend was a blue BMW 3-series that drove past me. Two guys were inside the vehicle, which bore a license plate reading "Pkg Man." Package Man - are you kidding?

I felt like pulling up next to the guy at the next stop light, dragging him from his vehicle and ramming his head into the plate until an imprint was left on his forehead. Was this too drastic? I think not.

Let the punishment fit the crime I always say. And if you're going to slap something that asinine on a BMW then whatever happens to you or your car is pretty much what you deserve.

I'm not saying that all people with personalized license plates are automatically a buffoon - but the likelihood is exponentially raised whenever the standard pattern of numbers and letters is broken.



  1. JLee Says:
  2. I've seen a few clever ones, but personalized plates are mostly dumb. As far as "package man", like you say about t-shirts, if you have to advertise...well, you know the rest.

  3. vivavavoom Says:
  4. LOL!!! I completely agree. I just saw one the other day that said


    (felt like madonna in the 80's all over again)

    But really how could you have a license that says pckg man and live up to that? That mans crotch must burn from everyone trying to check out the assets whenever he gets out of the car. that's a lot to live up to.

  5. nobich Says:
  6. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Kramer gets the lic. plate by mistake ("AssMan")pretty funny

  7. You have to wonder around if he drives around in nothing below the waist in case anybody wants to check or if he just wears a Speedo.

  8. Jlee - Excellent point. If you have to advertise it, it probably isn't very true.

    Vivavavoom - That's a tall order, and it's ripe for cheating and/or stuffing to make sure his junk is up to snuff. I call bullshit on the whole thing.

    Nobich - That was a hilarious episode, and I should have mentioned that in the post. Ass Man - ha.

    Sarcastic - He was dressed when he passed me by, but I didn't get details (nor did I want them). And a Speedo would have tipped things completely over the edge. Ha.

  9. JLee Says:
  10. "Ass Man" hahahah

    It occurred to me "package man" may work for UPS or FedEx or something? Or not.

  11. Linda Says:
  12. Your head would explode in RI! I've always thought this was the hometown of stupid (what we call) "vanity plates" ..... then I read your post! At first I thought you got lost, and were in town!

  13. I'd love to see someone with a sense of humour and a sports car put "smallballs" on their plate. They'd be my hero

  14. Jlee - That would make sense, but I doubt this joker was working for either. Just a hunch.

    Linda - I had no idea that your area boasted such a high percentage of VP. I tend to see them in waves, and this past weekend was like a tidal wave of bad ones.

    Idig - I'd love to see that on a Corvette or something similar. That would be great.

  15. Miss Ash Says:
  16. Ughhh Vanity plates bleh!!

    My irritation level was raised at the amount of people wearing fanny packs at the carnival. I don't frequent carnivals, have not been in many many years but gave it a go. It as like an outdoor Walmart....frightening.

  17. UR2 Funee

  18. Miss Ash - Fanny packs are right up there too. I give people with families a free pass if they have to load themselves down like pack mules - but they still look ridiculous.

    Anonymous Boxer - I like that one. Ha. But I still wouldn't put it on my license plate.


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