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Is It Really Cheating If . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, July 31, 2007

{This is the Eleventh in a recurring series which will explore the brutally complex concept of monogomy in increasingly outlandish scenarios. We hope these will be illuminating what-if scenarios, and that they will cultivate some intense philosophical discussions around what, if anything, really constitutes cheating.}

Is It Really Cheating If:

You find yourself in Brazil during Carnival on business, but like any rational human being, you cannot ignore the craziness, dancing and half-naked women in the streets.

Finding yourself in a mass of people, you swill rum and are dancing with exuberance rather than skill when a dark-haired exotic woman spends an extended amount of time bumping and grinding with you to the beat of the drums.

After hours of this, you've worked yourself into a frenzy and are also quite parched, so you follow her back to her house to quench your thirst (and nothing else).

Upon entering, however, you hear a loud growl from an blind older man who holds a huge Jaguar on a leash as it lunges towards you. The old man says nothing, and barely holds it back.

"He likes to watch me have sex," the woman says as she leads you to the bedroom. The old man follows with the Jaguar who menacingly growls at you as they stand in the corner of the room.

You put on a show-stopping performance as she matches every move while the drums continue to wail away outside. The man never says a word and keeps the Jaguar away from you until you finish, and then run back to the festival and later your hotel.

The next day, you fly home to your girlfriend/fiancé/spouse, but don't say a word about the encounter. So, since you were fearful about being savaged by a rabid Jaguar and since the Jaguar was the only witness to the act . . . Is it really cheating?



  1. julia Says:
  2. you have some... interesting fantasies, BDS.

  3. Wow, you didn't say you were taking pain killers while you were sick... but those are good ones.

    Oh, and,


    Ahah- kidding.... YES, it's cheating.

  4. Julia - Interesting . . . and great? Ha.

    Anonymous Boxer - Seems like more of a Viking post, eh? But this seems like a perilious situation, and might nullify the cheating aspect.

  5. Its not cheating if the jaguar takes part in the act. Lets say it starts licking... something. Then it can be considered sexual assault with you as the victim. If the jaguar is just watching, its cheating.

    Now I'm off to Brazil.

  6. JLee Says:
  7. This happened to me once, only instead of a Brazilian it was an Italian and instead of a Jaquar it was just a cat. Ok, it was a stuffed cat, but it was quite menacing...

  8. JLee Says:
  9. ...what's a Jaquar? Distant cousin of the Jaguar.

  10. Tiara Girl Says:
  11. Not to ruin a re-occurring segment here, But just for the record - It's ALWAYS cheating if you have to start a sentence with : "Is It Really Cheating If . . . "

  12. WhatIgot - Dammit. I think the Jaguar could only be watching because if it was loose & licking I would be very nervous. Enjoy Brazil.

    Jlee - Ha. You can't start watering things down with stuffed cats & different locations. Then it just becomes ridiculous (because my example is extremely plausible).

    Tiara Girl - Very true, but as you noted that would just ruin the whole series. Ha. Generally speaking, if you have to ask the question, it probably is (but where's the fun in pure acceptance)?

  13. nobich Says:
  14. yes! yes! yes!

  15. It would have been very easy to say no once I saw the jaguar. Creepy! But, yes it is still cheating as she never said the jaguar would be unleashed if you didn't comply AND technically the guy heard everything.

  16. Nobich - Your answer seems ambigious (sp?) to me.

    Sarcastic - You didn't fall for the Jaguar bit, eh? Well, I think the Jaguar mauling was IMPLIED, so . . .

  17. Paula D. Says:
  18. Hell yeah it is cheating!

  19. so, you're telling me that some sweaty Brazilian chick is showing you her Brazilian wax job and a jaguar trying to help her out would make you nervous. If I was in that situation, there wouldn't be enough blood in my head to keep from going blind.

  20. Paula D - No wiggle room? Ha. There is a Jaguar involved let's not forget.

    WhatIgot - Man, it's still a live Jaguar loose in the room, and who knows how they behave when whipped into a lust frenzy? I bet they aren't too tame then (but it would be a hell of a story to partake in).

  21. Miss Ash Says:
  22. Cheating, cheating, cheating!!!

    Hmm what if the blindman got involved..poked you by "mistake?" That I would not consider cheating..he just tripped and you know "poked your bum". Get it...that would not be cheating.

  23. bravo. your best "is it really cheating" piece.

    And of course its not cheating. You'd only be cheating yourself if you didn't.

  24. Miss Ash - You're taking this in a horrible direction with this blind man poking stuff. You're forgetting about the man-eating Jaguar in the room that's the impetus for this act. How can you call that cheating?

    Idig - Thank you, and I'm glad someone chimed in with a firm "No" about cheating. And you are right as well that "you'd only be cheating yourself." Sometimes the story is worth it too.

  25. vivavavoom Says:
  26. guess is the jaguar is just a nice hallucination to make you believe you didn't cheat...very 'American Gigolo' scenario.

    good thing the jaguar didn't join in....then I would be very worried.

  27. I wasn't sure about this one so I channeled Hemmingway for some real wisdom. He said that there's only one scenario where this wouldn't be cheating. First, you'd have to be really drunk (I think you covered that part). Second, you'd have to scream your defiance, wrestle the jaguar and strangle it to death. Then, bloody and torn, you have the Brazillian women while the blind zookeeper weeps for his lost charge.
    Victory makes everything kosher. Thanks Ernie.

  28. J7 L7+ Says:
  29. Anytime a cheetah is involved in cheeting, they cancel themselves out, therefore making the act (whatever it is) o.k.

  30. Vivavavoom - American Gigolo indeed. And if the Jaguar was a participant then things would have taken a far darker turn. Ha.

    Getoffmylawn - Ernest is always good for insight like that, and that's the best analysis I've heard so far. Nice imagery.

    J717+ - That's an argument I never even considered, but should have. Thanks.


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