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Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, July 25, 2007

{This is the Twelfth in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, a few pitchers of Sam Adams Summer Ale were consumed which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}

* Why do we all assume when reading a book or watching a movie about a disaster which wipes out 99% of the planet that we would definitely be one of the survivors?

* Vacationing in Europe is always worthwhile, but rarely relaxing.

* Never rub sunscreen on another man's shoulders - that's why spray-on sunscreen mists were invented.

* When handcuffs are involved always use a safe word.

* I think all guys have a deep-down desire to rob a bank in some elaborate way where nobody gets hurt, you don't go to jail and you still get rich.

* I would love to race ostrich's for a living if there was a market for the activity and I could curb their surly dispositions.

* A speech or toast overflowing with inside jokes at a mass wedding is a mistake, lazy and you sound like a buffoon.

* If you don't wear underwear be extremely careful with zippers on your pants.

* Never get a haircut from a guy with a Mohawk.

* Sea Monkeys make awful pets.

* "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut". ~Ernest Hemingway



  1. Okay Lenny, you pick out which ostrich you'd like and I'll punch it to death. ~ Homer Simpson

  2. JLee Says:
  3. Good points all. Although I don't think I'd want to ride an ostrich.
    That safe word thing reminded me of that movie "Flirting with Disaster" for some reason. I think there was something in it like that. haha

  4. Miss Ash Says:
  5. What is your safeword???

    (And I had Seamonkeys twice as a child...I loved them, but was disappointed when they did not resemble the cartoon monkeys on the cover)

  6. WhatIgot - Ha. That was funny, and I had forgotten about that line.

    Jlee - Flirting with Disaster was a really funny movie, and I own it on DVD> And yes, the Ostrich thing is likely better in theory than reality.

    Miss Ash - It's "For the love of all things holy, please stop." That's a long word I know. As for your Sea Monkeys, it's that disappointment between cartoons and reality that I was thinking about. ha.

  7. JLee Says:
  8. I had some seamonkeys too! lol
    I thought they were pretty cool though...

  9. I love the Drunken Viking Posts!

    Ahhh Seamonkeys, they are as fleeting as the mexican jumping beans I used to get as a kid.

    Whatigotsofar's quote made me spit coffee out.

  10. Jlee - You probably had them as a kid when everything seemed better and the cruel mask of disappointment hadn't yet set in. Ha. I just wish Sea Monkeys were as cool as the name.

    Anonymous Boxer - Great Simpson's quote from WhatIgot. And the Drunken Viking is all about the love.

  11. nobich Says:
  12. My safe word from now on will be sea monkey- ha!

  13. Love the Ernest Hemingway quote. How true, how true.

  14. Wendy Says:
  15. Hemingway also said, "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." So, like, that makes me the smartest drunk in the room. Right?

  16. angel, jr. Says:
  17. Always be careful of the zippers. I had sea monkeys when I was younger. I don't think they ever did anything.

  18. Nobich - A worthy choice. Ha.

    Wendy - Thanks for the reciporcation (sp?) on the quote as I like yours very much. And they're both spot-on accurate.

    Angel Jr. - I think Sea Monkeys are inherently lazy, but unlike zippers, they aren't very dangerous.

  19. cats Says:
  20. hemingway was smart

  21. BostonPobble Says:
  22. Funny, whenever I read books like that, I'm always grateful because I *know* I would be wiped out in the first wave! LOL There was a comedian who once talked about the fact that all men want to participate in a heist. Can I be the cool chick who is in on it? Pleeeeease?

  23. Cats - Smart and talented for sure. Great quote.

    Bostonpobble - Ha. Maybe I'm just an egotist when it comes to end of the world type scenarios. And of course a good robbery always has at least one cool woman involved in some way, shape or form.

  24. vivavavoom Says:
  25. that is a safeword sentence! never had the seamonkeys but felt very duped when I found out they were shrimp.

  26. I know what you mean about the Monkeys as it seems like false advertising to me.


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