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No Rest For The Wicked . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, July 03, 2007

An heir of Romania's former royal family put ''Dracula's Castle'' in Transylvania up for sale yesterday, hoping to secure a buyer who will respect ''the property and its history.''

Bran Castle is a top tourist attraction because of its ties to Prince Vlad the Impaler, the warlord whose cruelty inspired Bram Stoker's 1897 novel, ''Dracula.

Personally, I wouldn't mind visiting the place, but have no urge to sleep there as that sounds like playing with fire. Why tempt fate and Dracula? I see no good reason. The asking price, which is in excess of $100 million, also doesn't help matters.

But it really boils down to the fact that I would never sleep well in the castle knowing that a midnight trip to the bathroom might end with my blood being drained, and that officials would find my naked body curled up in the lavatory. There are better ways to die.

There are also better places for rest as the only way I would get less sleep would be to spend the night in:

1) Rosie O'Donnell's bed sandwiched between her and her partner.

2) Dick Cheney's cabin on a hunting weekend. Or any other weekend.
3) A submarine filled with Elvis impersonators and transporting rotten cheese

4) A tent on a wild game reserve in Africa with raw steak tied to my waist
5) A clown car after leaving a Golden Corral buffet

I guess there really are worse things than having your blood drained while visiting the toilet.



  1. JLee Says:
  2. I don't know, I think having the blood drained from your neck would be a kinda sexy way to die...if it was a hot Dracula anyway, like in the movies. You'd be under a spell and wouldn't care! haha

  3. The only time in history I've ever wanted to be Keanu Reeves was that part in Dracula when the vampire harum starts ravaging him. I'd give up some blood for some of that.

    That's what the Red Cross has to do to increase blood donations. Have a bunch of naked and hot eastern European chicks suck the blood out.

  4. Jlee - True. But the after-effect of having people find you naked in the bathroom with a smile on your face would be weird. Just a little. Ha.

    WhatIgot - I thought of that scene too as it was a particularly good one. And I would overcome my own fear of giving blood if the Red Cross rolls out the hot blood-suckers.

  5. nobich Says:
  6. Happy 4th!!

  7. Miss Ash Says:
  8. Haha, I think that castle is stunning and would love love love to spend the rest of eternity there :)

    With a bodyguard of course.

  9. Nobich - Enjoy it yourself. I like this holiday a lot.

    Miss Ash - It looks "lovely" in the middle of the day with the sun shining onto it, but I bet you would feel differently when the sun went down - bodyguard or not. Ha.

  10. Wendy Says:
  11. I don't know what's scarier--vampires or clowns. But I still want a castle. With a moat. Filled with piranha. Is that too much to ask?

  12. vivavavoom Says:
  13. great visualizations you just gave me....especially the Elvis impersonators and rotten cheese...ewww.
    no desire to be in a castle unless it is in Sting's with him showing me some tantric yoga poses ;)

    forgot that keanu was in that vampire movie, but he likes the boys so I am sure that scene did nothing for him and with my luck JLee it would be a gay vampire like George Hamilton who would show up. forgot the name of that movie. I would take the Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt vampire sandwich with no scientology please.

    happy 4th

  14. Wendy - A moat with piranhah would be phenomenal, and when you get this established, let me know because I think it would be very cool.

    Vivavavoom - Interview with a Vampire would be far better than that Hamilton piece of crap, but I bet you would have a hard time keeping the Scientology out of play. You would likely be safe with Sting (though beaten down from his self-proclaimed endurance). Have a good Fourth.

  15. cats Says:
  16. i think i would take a vampire over a scientologist any day.

  17. Easily. No question about it in my mind either. Ha.


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