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Show Me Your Weakness . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, May 14, 2007

I've been casually interviewing over the past month following a re-organization at my current company under the guise that's it always best to have a soft place to land if things go completely sideways.

I actually ended up with a promotion and raise following the change, however, sometimes it is a necessary evil to dust off your interviewing skills which can get rusty very quickly.

Casual interviewing is like casual sex in that both can be rewarding as a form of ego-stroking and skill sharpening, yet both can also be perilous adventures in buffoonery. Leaving aside the sexual aspect, interviewing is simply one big dog and pony show where you try to present yourself as the answer to all of a company's problems while minimizing any perceived weaknesses.

The most ridiculous part of the process is typically the initial screenings where organizations attempt to weed out the complete lunatics.

This is where you get the number of asinine questions reaches a zenith as there are too many to count, but my favorite (and by favorite I mean the one filled with the highest ratio of utter bullshit) is give me three weaknesses about yourself that could effect your job performance. Everyone knows this is a loaded question ripe for a moronic response.

The only question is how thick to lay it on with some derivation of:

A) I work too hard
B) Have a hard time finishing a project until everything is perfect
C) I care too much

And they are all bullshit. You know it. The screener knows it. Everybody knows it, yet this question nearly always arises.

I would love to find a job that I hated in an industry that I didn't care about burning bridges just so I could answer my three weaknesses with something like:

A) I like to club baby seals in my off-time, which sometimes means I bring that aggression with me into the office and attempt to flog the accountants into submission.


B) I sniff glue in the parking lot at lunch to save money on food and make the afternoon go faster.


C) I often troll for transsexual hookers very late at night, and consequently, any meetings that occur before 11 a.m. are often difficult for me to attend.


That would be a very satisfying interview.

-BDS

10 comments

  1. nobich Says:
  2. Ha!!

     
  3. I could see those "weaknesses" backfiring on you. What if the guy interviewing you said "Nobody gives head like a tranny hooker high on gluehuffing."

     
  4. Miss Ash Says:
  5. I love it. Mine would talk about my penchant for seistas that must be taken daily from noon until 3pm....NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

     
  6. So in your next job you'd be an attorney?

     
  7. Melissa Says:
  8. Excellent answers.

    I'd have to include something along the lines of "My only problem is fiscal irresponsibility with my corporate accounts. You see, I have this shoe addiction..."

     
  9. Nobich - It would be funny (at least to me).

    WhatIgot - The odds of that have to be pretty low. At least I hope so because if not, there are some terrifying hiring managers out there.

    Miss Ash - I like the no exceptions part. I'm sure the company would to as they would realize you have a strict adherence to schedules.

    Anonymous Boxer - Ha. Or work on Wall Street - one of the two.

    Melissa - I like it. I might add something to else shoe addiction like European pornography or something.

     
  10. SymplyAmused Says:
  11. Haha! Thanks, I truly needed a laugh today. Much appreciated!

     
  12. Glad to help a bit as I find the whole process amusing.

     
  13. vivavavoom Says:
  14. that was hilarious! thanks for the laugh. I prefer tape cleaner myself.

     
  15. Tape cleaner would work too - ha - I just prefer the sound of glue. For some reason it sounds funnier to me.

     

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