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Doctor Good Doctor . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I visited my Doctor yesterday for my annual physical, a habit I re-started last year and yet I still question why as the experience is never fun.

My arm hurts from an unexpected Tetnus shot. My veins throb from giving blood. And my pride is in woeful shape after doing it all while wearing a paisly-patterned table-cloth that ties around the neck and leaves your entire backside exposed like yesterday's salmon.

It's my belief that doctors and medical staff in general force this "clothing" on you to sap your will and drain your self-respect, thus giving them an even greater advantage when making judgements about your health.

I mean is there anything that you can wear that would leave a person feeling more vulnerable?

It's possible that I didn't feel as vulnerable as this poor woman, who found herself at the hands of a passion-starved Panda Bear, but I still felt vulnerable nonetheless.

The situation only got bleaker as we reached the conclusion as I received the standard check which forced me to let the doctor grab my balls, turn my head to the side and cough.


I always want to say "Hell doc, I'll hack up a furball if you'll kindly let go of my two best friends." But I never do.

It's just the icing on the cake of an experience that with any luck at all only happens once a year. Small favors.



  1. That chick's gettin' rode bear-backed.

    Who comes up this stuff? A chick getting doubled by two carnival prize bears. What about the guy who had to toss the ring around the peg a couple thousand times to win those bears. Doesn't he deserve a little something? Sheesh!

  2. A little something for the effort - definitely. People have too much time on their hands.

  3. I thought that's what that was!
    2 for the price of one!! Woo hooo!
    That's one disturbing picture!
    I think someone deserves a little somethin'!!!!

  4. Always with the pictures, you!

    Yeah, they love to spring the Tetnus shot, dont they. I got one too. Oy.

  5. Girlbehind - That is a disturbing image - yet I can't look away. I'm not sure what that says about me, but . . .

    Anonymous Boxer - Sometimes you have to draw them in with a visual. Ha. And I'm still irritated that I was so easily fooled about the shot.

  6. JLee Says:
  7. You should have asked if you could wear the gown the other way around. I always do ;)

    Bear porn. I like it.

  8. SymplyAmused Says:
  9. I'm allergic to Tetanus. I'll let you take another one, this time for me! : )

  10. BostonPobble Says:
  11. Tetnus shot. Icky.

    You do realize, don't you, that at least some of your female readers (myself included, I admit) are laughing and have No sympathy for "Turn your head and cough." Two words: Cold Scapula.


  12. Melissa Says:
  13. Hey, at least there wasn't a prostate exam. You'd be singing a whole new tune.

  14. Jlee - Bear porn is a burgeoning industry that I might look into - we all have to make a buck.

    Symplyamused - Lucky you. I'll have to remember that excuse the next time this happens. OUch.

    Bostonpobble - Come on, a little sympathy has to be in order - cold scapula or not (although that doesn't sound good at all).

    Melissa - I wouldn't be singing anything except the blues in that case. Again, small favors.

  15. locomocos Says:
  16. i'm sure i'll have to get a tetnus shot soon enough - is it really as bad as i've heard?

  17. J7 L7+ Says:
  18. See, that's the problem. I think physical exams were started by a foundation of creepy, gay doctors. If you can't test yourself for a hernia, or if you don't know that you have a hernia, maybe having a physical isn't your biggest problem.

    Wait until you hit 40. Then the old prostate starts getting poked.

  19. Locomocos - They are far from fun. The worst part is actually the second day as I couldn't sleep comfortably on it. Nasty business.

    Ja717 - Yeah, I can't say I'm looking forward to the prostrate exam (who does?). But I think that your theory on the medical association sounds like a strong possibility.

  20. vivavavoom Says:
  21. I think the theory is wrong...I think it was started by a bunch of 'straight' docs who are bicurious and want to keep it under the radar..or gaydar.
    And I am confused because the coughing ball touching exam is for your prostate, so congrats,you had it done.

  22. I remember having the ol' nads checked last year. I thought it was odd how the doc elected not to wear any gloves while manipulating them in his hand like they were Chinese Stress/Health balls.

  23. Vivavavoom - That seems entirely possible as well, and a little more disturbing. But the ball in the hand trick checks for a hernia if I'm not mistaken. I hope I'm not.

    Idig - That's not hygenic or ethical in my book. At least my Dr. threw on some gloves as a little barrier is good in my book.


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