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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, May 11, 2007

Q: "Conan, what is best in life?"
A: "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentations of the women," - Arnold Schwarzenegger, "Conan the Barbarian"

The weather continues to be gray and overcast in Austin, which could drive a man to drinking, brooding or both. Or in the case of Lindsay Lohan to excessive cocaine use . . .

As this week, a Lohan acquaintance sold pictures to a British tabloid that show the actress reportedly snorting coke inside the bathrooms of Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel. The source also said that Lohan has been partying all night since leaving rehab, and brags about all the actors she's slept with including Jared Leto, Benecio Del Toro and Jude Law.

The Lohan train is bound to derail in a blaze of glory very soon, but I have to admit that I would love to sift through the wreckage which would include enough blow and condoms to stock 37 orgies to the gills.

Gordon Gekko is back as Michael Douglas has agreed to reprise his excellent role in "Wall Street" for a forthcoming sequel titled "Money Never Sleeps."

The original title was "Money Never Sleeps (And neither do I because I'm 75-years-old), but was shortened for the sake of brevity.

Former carpenter Ty Pennington, the star of the ABC reality show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," was arrested over the weekend on suspicion of drunk driving.

I've always found Pennington to be vaguely annoying, and his show, while good-hearted, to be akin to emotional pornography, but I do respect the fact that after his arrest, he simply apologized and accepted blame and didn't flee to rehab like the rest of Hollywood.

Paris Hilton is backing an online campaign asking California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to issue a pardon following her 45-day prison sentence for driving on a suspended license.

Hilton has admitted that she is not "above the law," but also added that she has no problems going "under the desk" to facilitate a pardon.

David Hassehoff's visitation rights to his children were suspended this week following the release of a video showcasing "The Hoff" sprawled out drunkenly on the floor while trying in vain to maniuplate a hamburger. His daughter recorded the video.

Ignoring the obvious concerns around parental responsibility, my main question was why can't The Hoff afford to have any furniture in his house? You're a lot less pathetic when eating a table while drunk and stupid.

A nearly $10 million eBay bid for a car made famous by "The Dukes of Hazzard" seems to have vanished after the Ebay auction, and The General Lee's owner — actor John Schneider - is upset that the $9,900,500 winning bid appears to be a hoax.

I would have been suspicious from the start because if you show me somebody with $10 million to throw down on an bright-Orange Charger with a giant Confederate flag residing on top of the vehicle, and I'll show you a dope with too much money. And I used to love that show as a kid.

Melanie Griffith did nothing noteworthy this week except step out in public with lower legs like this:

I don't even know what to say except that Griffith needs to NEVER wear shorts again or seek medical help immediately - possibly both.

But let's end with something a little more exciting for the weekend:

So, everybody try to shower safely, and if you get yourself tied up and wet, feel free to call me and . . . Happy Friday!



  1. Wendy Says:
  2. I hate my legs. But I feel a little better about them now. Thanks!

  3. JLee Says:
  4. "emotional pornography" haha
    That is exactly what that show is! Good ol' Ty. Hope he bounces back ok from that.

    I think Paris should suck it up, go to jail, and parlay it into some bad girlie prison movie, making her more millions on top of her millions. Why not?

    That Hoff video is just sad..just plain sad. Let's hope my weekend doesn't turn out similar. haha

    Have a good weekend!

  5. Wendy - I'm glad it helped, but after that I don't feel that good about legs in general - mine or anyone else's. A little scary.

    Jlee - That's a good idea for Hilton. Hell, going to jail might be the best career move she could have done. Regardless, I would like to see some of the video. Have a good weekend.

  6. The Huff in a speedo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Must not look at screen. Must not.

  7. Try as hard as you can - but you'll cave in the end.

  8. nobich Says:
  9. Just how old is Melanie??? yikes!! What the fuck has she been doing to herself??? I'm pretty sure she's my age & oh oh oh
    Ok i'm over it so Happy Friday!!

  10. Poor Melanie. See, that's what happens when you have too many face lifts. The pulled skin has to go somewhere and by the looks of it, the surgeon had to pull it down to her knees. There's a 'sode of Nip/Tuck I wouldn't wanna see.

  11. Melissa Says:
  12. The Lohan is going to end up like the Pheonix kid, dead of an OD outside the Viper Room.

    And I pray every night now before I go to sleep that god will let Paris Hilton go to Jail in LA.

  13. Nobich - I don't know her exact age, but the rough age of her legs appears to be 180 years old.

    WhatIgot - That's a good theory, and most episodes of Nip/Tuck I don't want to see - at least some of the surgeries. That being said, something needs to happen for the sake of the viewing public.

    Melissa - I think you will get your wish if I was a betting man. But keep up the praying just in case.

  14. Linda Says:
  15. That photo of The Hoff is a tad disturbing. Not sure if it's the outfit or the smile .... or both!!! Yikes!
    Happy Friday!!!

  16. Miss Ash Says:
  17. Hmmm the pic of Lohan in the lower right hand corner flashing the finger whilst half naked is classy.

    And I agree with Wendy, I LOVE my legs after seeing that photo.

    As for the Hoff, good lord have mercy LMAO, sooooooo sooooo wrong. Happy Friday.

  18. Linda - Just a tad? Ha. I think it's the entire package (so to speak) that makes is so awful.

    Miss Ash - See above comment on The Hoff, who looks terrifying in that picture. Everybody should love their legs & themselves a bit more after some of the photos in today's post as there were many too horrible to ponder. Ha.

  19. SymplyAmused Says:
  20. I really could of done without looking at those legs! I'm sick of hearing about Paris Hilton. So she is rich! So she is beautiful (sic)! So...OMG..I'm talking about her now... see what you made me do!!! Happy TGIF!

  21. Those legs are downright scary. I would block them from home, just like the commerical that blocks kids out of certain TV shows. OH MY!!!

  22. Oh, god, Melanie WHY? WHY?

    Also: re: Lohan: I'd totally hit that.

  23. Symplyamused - Happy Friday & you see how hard it is NOT to talk about Hilton. Damn near impossible someimes.

    Sarcastic - I don't know . . . I think she should keep them indoors & not subject them to the general public at all. But I'm probably being selfish.

    Malnurtured - You wouldn't be the first (or the last) in the Lohan lineup of men, which is long, but distinguished.


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