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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, May 18, 2007

Q: "What's your major?"
A: "Poetry" - Girl in tiny bikini
"Then maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow." - Rodney Dangerfield, "Back to School"

It seems like a slow week in Hollywood as there were no major arrests, drug scandals or general perversion that came to light. All of which means the news was generally slow and boring, which worked for me because the sun was out in Austin and patios and ice cold Shiners were calling my name, but this combination didn't make me nearly as happy as . . .

Paris Hilton must be as she will only serve about half of her 45-day jail sentence and will be separated from the general inmate population, authorities said Wednesday. Her sentence was shortened after jail officials gave her credit for good behavior.

I'm not sure what constitutes "good behavior" for Hilton, but she's set the bar so low in the past (sex tapes, arrests, generally poor grasp of reality) that I guess there's nowhere to go but up.

Actor Sylvester Stallone pleaded guilty Tuesday to bringing vials of a restricted muscle-building hormone into Australia after the actor was found with 48 vials of human growth hormone during a Feb. 16.

And all this time I thought the fact that Stallone seems to be getting more muscular after turning 60 years old was an entirely natural process. You could have blown me over with a feather when that illusion was shattered.

Kenny Chesney collected his third consecutive entertainer of the year trophy Tuesday as the Academy of Country Music awards.

During Chesney's 3-year domination, he has also managed to provide to provide zero entertainment value for $2 Dollar Productions unless you count the number of times we've laughed at a grown man who still wears a pukka-shell necklace.

Bruce Willis is furious his "yippe-ki-yay, motherf**ker" catchphrase has been cut from his upcoming film, "Live Free or Die Hard." He blamed the decision on the studio who wanted the movie to boast a PG-13 rating.

He said: "It does make it a little more difficult. They don't want to see a lot of blood squirting out of bad guys. You can still do a lot of horrific things - you just can't say the word 'f**k' more than twice."

The misplaced priorities of the ratings board is always disturbing because the rationale that decapitations and other violence is passable, but that the post-killing swearing will cause irreversible damage to today's youth is laughable and pathetic.

Speaking of the corruption of youth, R. Kelly said recently:

"My greatest competition is, well, me . . . I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now."

I don't care how self-aggrandizing you are R. Kelly, you still peed on and had sex with an underage girl and videotaped it, and you will never be great.

The actor who played Bud on Married…With Children, David Faustino, was busted for possession of marijuana this week in Florida.

Ignoring the obvious irony that Faustino (aka Bud Bundy) was arrested for carrying illegal Bud, a consider this arrest to be part of his career resurgence as getting arrested is not a bad thing in Hollywood and I've even seen him turn up in a few McDonald's ads recently - you're back Faustino.

Lindsay Lohan has beaten Eva Longoria to be named the world's hottest woman by Maxim magazine as Lohan topped the magazine's annual list of the 100 hottest women.

Personally, I think in the spirit of fair play Longoria and Lohan should oil wrestle for the crown - privately - with my input providing the entire basis for the winner. And let me just say that I'm morally flexibile in these type of scenarios.

But let's put an end to corruption, and end with a pleasing image:

Aren't we all rebels in some way, and even if you feel the need to conform and don't wear your heart on your ass . . . Happy Friday!



  1. SymplyAmused Says:
  2. Puka shell or not, Kenny is HOT! (despite those Gay rumors) Happy Friday!!

  3. Lohan > Longoria?
    Here's why. Longoria is getting married. Lohan is still whoring 'round town.

    And Kenny Chesney is lost without studio wizardy. Keith Urban's the man!

  4. Symplyamused - I'll have to respectfully disagree, but the heart wants what it wants, eh? Ha.

    WhatIgot - Lohan is whoring around a lot of towns & I can't honestly say I know much of anything about Urban except that he makes music & is married to Kidman.

  5. Wendy Says:
  6. Please tell me that R. Kelly didn't really say that and you just made it up. Or is he not only a pedophile, but a delusional pedophile? Whichever. He's icky.

  7. Sad, but true. He was quoted as saying it in some magazine article (that I didn't read, but noticed the quote on some other site).


  8. "Back to School" is a CLASSIC.

    And while I love the boxing, I find Sly's picture just a little disturbing. No, completely disturbing. And hot. Oh hell.

  9. BostonPobble Says:
  10. I feel I should comment because I always feel a wee bit guilty when I don't comment and yet...

    Wow. I got nothing.

    The one thing that struck me was the truly vacuous stares in every picture here. Faustino can be excused considering the nature of the picture but the rest. Hel-lo. Anyone home?

    Okay, so I had something afterall.

  11. nobich Says:
  12. How can you have a reduced sentence for good behavior when you haven't served anything yet??? Is this just not known in the east or is this normal in other places??

  13. nobich Says:
  14. oh & Happy what the fu Friday!!!!!

  15. Carmel Says:
  16. My husband bought the dvd of "Back to school" I watched it for the first time and thought it was hilarious.
    That's interesting about "Bud Bundy" too, I haven't seen him on tv or anywhere since I watched Married with Children about 9 years ago.
    Linday Lohan looks great in the picture, last time I saw a picture of her she was too skinny and obviously on drugs, she has either recovered well or there is some major airbrushing going on there!
    Have a nice weekend.

  17. Melissa Says:
  18. Ok, here it is. SHAME on Maxim. SHAME! She isn't a grown woman, she's a kid on coke, and they don't call her fire crotch for nothing.

  19. JLee Says:
  20. LOVE Back to School...HATE R. Kelly...LOVE Bud Bundy. Well, I guess I shouldn't say "hate". Oh why not...
    Happy Friday :)

  21. Anonmymous Boxer - Back to School is a classic that I own on DVD (The Triple Lendy - great dive). But your Stallone hot comment cancels out your good taste in movies. Ha.

    Bostonpobble - No need to feel guilty. Well, maybe a little bit, but as for the vacant stares, it's Paris, Lindsay and R. Kelly - not exactly MENSA members.

    Nobich - Exactly. Good behavior my ass. Happy Friday right back.

    Carmel - Have a good weekend yourself, and I have a soft-spot for Bud from that series as well. And I'd bet on airbrushing with Lohan. Finally, I'm glad you saw Back to School - it's worth it every single time.

    Melissa - Maxim has no shame. I know as I have a subcription. No shame at all.

    Jlee - Hate is fine. Loathe is fine. Whatever works, eh? And love is easily applicable to Back to School - "Mellon, we need you."

  22. D Says:
  23. I know this off the subject- but- Have you ever been to Ink Lake? I live in Houston- I know youre in Austin soo I thought I would ask. If not- Could you reccomend any cool camping spots near Austin?

  24. Linda Says:
  25. Die Hard PG-13, what the f**k?!?!?!?? The studio should be ashamed. How do you blow the shit out of things without swearing??? Feel bad for Willis, good thing he has a sense of humor. #@%&*#? BTW great pic, happy Friday!!!

  26. It was only a gram of weed!!!
    Oh and as for Kelly... isn't that how all the greats acted??? He is VERY Icky!!

  27. D - That's totally off-subject. Ha. Anyway, I'm not much into camping, but I'll check with a friend at work who is, and post an answer back here early next week.

    Linda - Thank you on the pic as I thought it was one of the best I've found. As for Die Hard, I'm right there with you as it makes me sick because if you're going to make a 4th film (which is typically a blatant money-grab) then at least stay true to the series.

    Girlbehind - Kelly is icky & you're right, that's not very much weed. My advice is don't get arrested for anything when you're carrying dope in your pocket.

  28. julia Says:
  29. i just don't understand how you could get a reduction for good behavior when you haven't even served time yet... maybe that's why i need to go to law school, to answer these burning questions.

  30. Julia - You should go to law school as I'm sure the bills of Hilton, Nicole Richie, etc. could pay your bills for a long time (although your soul is another matter entirely).

    D - On the camping front around Austin, it was suggested that you try:

    1) Pedernales State Park - Outside of Johnson City (45 mintues outside of Austin)

    2) McKinney Falls State Park - Close to Austin.

    Hope that helps.


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