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Blaine Is A Pain In My Ass . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I didn't watch David Blaine's attempt to set a world record for holding his breath last night for several reasons.

1) I hate that Blaine is referred to as a magician because his stunts involve little "magic." If standing in one place for an extended period of time qualifies one as a magician than I pass dozens and dozens of amateur illusionists everyday at bus stops around Austin.

2) I don't see how you can make a 2 hour special about a record that would finish in 9 minutes if Blaine was successful.

3) I knew if he really did drown that I would see about a thousand replays today on the television.



But Blaine didn't drown as he was pulled by divers from his glass aquarium when he started to black out after staying under water for 7 minutes and 8 seconds.

Blaine, who had spent a week in the tank in full public view, was attempting to break the record of eight minutes and 58 seconds while simultaneously freeing himself from chains and handcuffs.

Blaine was encouraged by his trainer Kirk Krack, who was likely forced to answer the question that yes Kirk Krack is indeed his real name multiple times throughout the evening.

After being given oxygen and enduring laughter for excessive shrinkage, Blaine addressed the crowd that had assembled to watch him.

"I am humbled so much by the support of everyone from New York City and from all over the world," he said. "This was a very difficult week, but you all made it fly by with your strong support and your energy. Thank you so much, everybody. ... I love you all."

One spectator, David Linker, said Blaine symbolized "man’s strength to go beyond what normal people can do."

My feeling is that Blaine symbolizes man's need to endure masochistic boredom while pursuing esoteric records and accomplishments.

Dr Murat Gunel, an associate professor of neurosurgery at Yale University School of Medicine who heads Blaine's medical team, said the challenge had taken a toll on the magician’s body, including liver damage, the sensation of pins and needles in his feet and hands, some loss of sensation elsewhere, and rashes all over his body.

Presumably, Blaine was already partially brain-dead before the experiment as Gunel failed to mention any intellectual symptoms in his report.

-BDS

5 comments

  1. Anonymous Says:
  2. You know what, its so true.

     
  3. I'm glad there are others out there who feel Blaine is simply a waste of space.

     
  4. julia Says:
  5. what happened to the whole "he will drown" thing? he's certainly shown he's not a man of his word, and just as afraid of death as the rest of us.

    puss.

     
  6. Blaine is annoying. I don't know why anybody wastes that much time on him. I definitely agree, he is not a magician so much as a shister (sp?).

     
  7. Just let the Blaine haters keep rolling through because while I tire easily of the man himself, I never get tired of laughing at him.

    He's certainly a puss, shister and all-around putz in my book.

     

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