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Halloween Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, October 31, 2007

{This is the fourteenth in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, a few pitchers of Fat Tire were consumed which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}

* Never use the word hump when you really mean fuck.

* In general, sarcasm, a keen sense of irony and a sharp wit will get you nowhere in the corporate world

* The person who came up with the expression concerning "taking candy from a baby" was a sick individual because you know it was based on personal experience.

* Be wary of going home with a woman who wins the bobbing for apples contest at the Halloween party - she bites down hard.

* Do go out of your way to go home with the female costume-wearer who can tie a firm cherry-stem knot with her tongue.

* Crocs should only be worn by small children, hygienists or possibly at the beach. That's it.

* Wearing Guess jeans when you are extremely large is a poor idea as the answer to the implied question is rarely good.

* If you find yourself using office jargon outside of work - slap yourself hard until you stop.

* Despite appearances, always remember that a Gorilla is never your friend .

* "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." --Humphrey Bogart



  1. I would avoid contact and communication with anybody wearing crocs. Crocs is the dealbreaker. Hot chick wanting to do me, if she's wearing crocs, its a no go. That's right. They are that repulsive and silly.

  2. Heff Says:
  3. I agree with you on all counts, especially about the Crocs and the cherry stem. "Fat tire" ? That sounds extremely....unhealthy.

  4. WhatIgot - I just can't abide by Crocs - never have and never will. And I know a lot of people love them. Your're also right about the deal breaker.

    Heff - The cherry stem is a trick that has always given me a great amount of pleasure. Ha. Fat Tire sounds worse than it is as it's a microbrewery out of Colorado (I think CO), and it's an amber-colored beer that is excellent when the weather cools down.

  5. Miss Ash Says:
  6. Ewe I despise the word "hump" in any sentence.

    As for the cherry stem...try as I might, I have yet to perfect that talent...i'll try harder!

  7. Hump is a poor word - either spoke or written - and keep up the good work on the cherry stem as that is a useful talent for life. Ha.

  8. JLee Says:
  9. Too funny. I agree on all counts and the pic of the candy/baby is hysterical! Crocs must dieeee!! haha

  10. JLee Says:
  11. ps
    This post just reminded me that the other night at the Halloween party I was at, there was a huge guy with blonde curly hair wearing a Viking helmet/outfit walking around shirtless! haha (perhaps your evil twin?)

  12. BostonPobble Says:
  13. Hump: Is only appropriate when discussing camels

    Apples and Cherries: I tend to win the apple bobbing contest AND can tie a cherry stem with my tongue. You do the math. >:)

    Crocs: TTG, I thought I was alone in abhoring these things.

    Office Jargon: To the point that if you cannot slap yourself hard enough to stop, have a friend do it for you.

    Happy Halloween!

  14. ha! I like the last one.

    I know I'm in the minority here but I think guys should never wear any sandal related footwear.

    Guys should also never eat a banana in public but thats another story.

  15. Oh, I've missed the Drunken Viking. Is that your Halloween Costume this year.

    Crocs - Boo! Won't wear them. I just wish I had invented them. I think that's why I really don't wear them... I'm just mad.

    Happy Halloween 2$.

  16. Jlee - I should sue for some sort of copyright infringement. Ha. And I liked that pic too as I was hoping to find something like that.

    Bostonpobble - I agree on all fronts, especially about Crocs & the camel. As for your cancelling out, that presents it's own dilema's I suppose. Ha. Happy Halloween.

    Idig - I tend to wear flip-flops around quite a bit, but sandals on guys are a tricky thing to pull off. As for the bananna thing, I've got a feeling I agree entirely.

    Anonymous Boxer - Happy Halloween back to you, and I'm glad most people seem to be againt Crocs because I thought I would catch a lot of shit from people about that one. But yes, I do wish I was reaping the profits.

  17. nobich Says:
  18. sandals on men are ok as long as their toe nails aren't really disgustingly long and gross ew or if they make the mistake of wearing socks with them.
    Happy Halloween!!

  19. vivavavoom Says:
  20. great viking entry!! TOTALLY agree with the Crocs thing! But what if the girl that can tie the cherry stem knot with her tongue also won the bobbing for apples contest? Do you take your chances? Happy Halloweeny indeed.

  21. Carmel Says:
  22. I hope that you had a great halloween, we did.
    I can't stand crocs, they are just like garden shoes.

  23. Nobich - Socks with sandals should be a deal killer. Ha. That is a horrible look for anybody or any gender.

    Vivavavoom - That would present an interesting dilmema indeed as somebody did mention that they could do both. I'm not sure which would win out, but I have an idea. Ha. But I'm biased.

    Carmel - I'm glad you had a good Halloween as mine turned out pretty well considering we celebrated this past weekend. And I agree on the Crocs.

  24. But the bobbing for apples woman is really good with her mouth. I'm sure she would know not to bite...

  25. cats Says:
  26. don't own crocs and can tie the cherry stem. (thank God for college.)

  27. Stephanie - You're probably right, however, I hate to take that chance. Ha. You never know when a disagreement might arise.

    Cats - Ha. That's just another thing that college provided which is useful for a lifetime.


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