Blog Archive

Lunchtime Comings & Goings . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I went to lunch today with my boss and the Vice President above him at a local brew-pub, which makes good beer and also has excellent food. An older colleague of mine came too, and it was semi-comical to be a witness to his small debacle that unfolded during the course of the hour-long meal.

These kinds of outings are never fun. They are most definitely work, and although you receive a free meal from attending, a complimentary lunch is not worth the strain necessary to make such a meal politically successful. When the work is judged against the price of the entrée involved, it is a poor (yet necessary) decision to go.

But we went anyway, and as I made innocuous small talk about sports, the VPs golf game, his kids, etc., my colleague managed to:

1) Order a beer when nobody else was drinking
2) Spill marinara sauce on his white shirt
3) Touch on hot-button topics like the death penalty and racial profiling in airports.
4) Get into a long debate about company policy which he didn't agree with
5) Awkwardly hit on/banter with the waitress

It was really quite impressive just how unimpressive he was during the meal, and I kept thinking of the old line about "if you want to look thin, then hang out with fat people." I hate to be cavalier about this poor showing, however, my co-worker has been entrenched in my current position for many years before I arrived and is semi-arrogant about things.

Therefore, I had to laugh about the business lunch as I drove back to the office.



But speaking vaguely of eating establishments . . .

The Playboy Advisor question and answer section is always worthwhile as topics generally range from clothing to mixing drinks to sex. Obviously, there is a heavy emphasis on sex, and occasionally you get hilariously esoteric inquiries like this one from the recent issue:

My boyfriend loves to come on my face. A few weeks ago he said he waned to try something crazy: He wanted to film me going through the drive-through of a fast-food resaurant with come no my face. After a drink or two I said, "Okay, fuck it. Let's go." I knew he would love it, and honestly, it was a rush. Now he wants to do it again. My question is, are we doing anything illegal? We want to be daring but not so daring we end up with a police record. - M.S. Las Cruces, New Mexico

Advisor answer: There's nothing illegal about it beyond breaking the laws of good taste.

This letter starts out fairly normal, but then proceeds to turn into a mess - both literally and figuratively - as I found myself laughing like a hyena while watching the baseball play-offs last night at the visual imagery.

There are so many things disturbing about this situation, and in no particular order, I found them to be:

1) Who gets turned on by these kinds of drive-through shenanigans?
2) Even if you do get off on it, why would you feel the need to tape it?
3) Was the woman in question sitting around having "1 or 2 drinks" with come already on her face as she worked up the courage?
4) Who does this kind of thing?
5) What did they order at the fast food drive-through?

I loved the Advisor answer as well, which worked a nice pun into the mix and refrained from questioning the motives of the writer. It's best to take the high road I suppose.



  1. Heff Says:
  2. That's Funny as hell. First off, I could have easily been your colleague at lunch (sounded just like me) and secondly, I subscribe to Playboy, and read the advisor Q & A you're referring to. I had the same questions in mind about the drive-through ! She should have just gone to the drive through window and ordered Napkins !

  3. I had an old boss who liked to pick one of us to have lunch with him.. I think he just liked wanking the company credit card, but we would go if asked... If I knew he was looking for a lunch partner I often hid in the restroom until he left. There is just nothing fun about making stilted small talk and trying to figure out what I could order that wouldn't be hard to eat (the marinara sauce you mentioned) or too expensive. Alcohol never?

    Heff's comment about requesting napkins is FUNNY.

  4. Heff - The lunch was certainly entertaining, so I'm glad it happened. And I also have a subscription. And yes, napkins makes the most sense. Ha.

    Anonymous Boxer - Smart move on hiding as I have been "absent" myself on some occassions. Ha. I think alcohol is fine if your boss or more importantly, VP is drinking. Then, it is helpful to drink - for your career of course.

  5. H.Wood Says:
  6. Call me old fashioned, but I miss the days when people simply flashed at the drive through, or when Detroit Lions coaches showed up drunk and naked. The cum on the face is just too hard to swallow.

  7. My answers to your questions:
    1) stoned people
    2) so people can watch something while stoned
    3) so stoned she hasn't showered in a couple of days and therefore probably has multiple cumshots on her face with varying expiry dates
    4) stoned people, see a pattern yet?
    5) popcorn!

    But isn't nice to know the cum is on her face and not in her poon, therefore, no chance of this moron breeding.

  8. There are two types of people that would behave that way in front of a boss. The first type doesn't care what the boss thinks and does what he pleases. This is an admirable quality. the second is completely unaware of social graces and doesn't know he's making an ass of himself. Not admirable at all. I would guess this fellow is type 2.

  9. Grace Says:
  10. Hehe, I was thinking the same thing about her sitting around with cum on her face and deciding: "what the hell, let's do it". Funny stuff...

  11. Carmel Says:
  12. Too bad about the marinara sauce on the white shirt!!!
    Have a great weekend!

  13. H. Wood - Ha. Yeah, I forgot about that Detroit Lions story as that was bizarre and funny as hell. He just wanted to be comfortable, but this is something else entirely.

    WhatIgot - Maybe I'm obtuse, but I don't see your pattern here. Ha. But I wouldn't rule out breeding as scary as that prospect is. Finally, nobody has popcorn at a drive-through, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't order it anyway.

    Getoffmylawn - Yes, that is a good distinction, and admirable is a fine word for that person. However, this guy is more obtuse than anything else, so he falls on the other side of that pendulum.

    Grace - Ha. Yeah, there were a lot of strange and unanswered questions with that scenario. But I found most of them pretty damn funny.

    Carmel - Have a good weekend yourself, and he didn't get too much on the shirt, so he'll be OK. Ha.

  14. Ordering it anyway is my point. I've seen a lot of stoned people order popcorn at a McDonalds drivethrough.

  15. JLee Says:
  16. That's funny. My boss would be the one drinking/acting inappropriate at lunch! ha

    As far as the reader question, there is nothing sexy about a drive thru in my book and they answered quite nicely!

  17. WhatIgot - Yep, that's what I figured, and again, it just shows that when stoned, food is obviously of high importance (though lower brain waves about where to get it)>

    Jlee - If your boss is leading hte charge, then that's a whole different ballgame. It makes things somewhat easier. Ha. And yes, I like the Advisor's answer quite a bit.

  18. vivavavoom Says:
  19. both of those are hilarious.

    first off, your coworker sounds like he may have had a few prior to going to lunch. or he is looking for a way out of the job.

    on to the drive through. within a matter of a minute cum gets pretty crusty and freakin cold on the skin, and my guess is by the time they drove to and through the drive thru not much evidence is left.unless he has some real thick chode and needs a little less protein in that shake so to speak. I am guessing the boyfriend is just trying to figure out ways to make her keep letting him cum on her face and she is falling for it.
    Personally, after getting the clorox in my eye one too many times, necklaces are much better.

  20. That is a stellar analysis all the way around. The only point I would argue is my co-worker, who is looking for more money rather than a way out. Ha. But that's no way to get it. And who doesn't like necklaces?


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