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Corporate Etiquette 101 . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, October 10, 2007

{The workplace is a jungle filled with jackals, wineheads and bosses with mouths like a crocodile. There are also decent people, but I'm starting to question the percentages. This is the first in a series of corporate encounters which offer no easy resolutions.}

Earlier this week, I came back from lunch and went to speak with a co-worker.

I considered the trip to be a charitable and politically expedient visit as someone he worked closely with had just been fired. Feeling pretty damn magnanimous as I approached his desk, I had no idea of the ugliness which lay in wait.

The first thing I noticed was his socks. They were propped on his desk as my co-worker had removed his shoes, and was picking at his feet for reasons I chose to ignore. His feet being on prominent display was slightly strange, however, it was the stench emanating from his general vicinity that stopped me in my tracks.

It was obvious that prior to my unannounced arrival, my co-worker had been blissfully blowing farts into a semi-empty office as most people were at lunch, and now my presence in the middle of this gaseous vapor had left me speechless. It was simply brutal, and smelled like a 3-day-old rotting possum.

A road kill casualty mixed with some smelly French cheese to be more specific.

I didn't know how to react. The smell was so blatant and filthy that it was the elephant in the room throughout our brief conversation. To be more specific, it was the elephant in the room who was farting uncontrollably.

I offered my condolences on his working partner who was fired, talked about his new role and then got the hell away where I began coughing and my eyes watered like a schoolgirl who skinned her knee.

It was certainly awkward, and I'm sure it could have been handled differently. Then again, who wants to call attention to something like that?



  1. Unfortunate encounter. Make sure you draw this guy's name for the Christmas Secret Santa program. A nice air freshener for his office would make an excellent gift.

  2. JLee Says:
  3. EEEWWWW! That's a pretty bad Dutch Oven of sorts. That combo of smells you described made my nose wrinkle up. haha

  4. Getoffmylawn - That's a hell of a good idea. Those things are cheap & the benefit would be substantial.

    Jlee - Dutch oven indeed. You're just lucky you weren't actually there. Ha. Small favors.

  5. I am still baffled as to how something that smells and tastes so good going in the body can smell like a dead possum smothered in cheese when leaving the body. The mystery and magic of the digestive system...

  6. Miss Ash Says:
  7. I'm dying laughing over here, yucky!!!

    I would have waved my hand in the air and asked him he wanted some beano.

  8. cats Says:
  9. i remember working at the mall years ago during christmas when the store was full until this family walked in and cleared everybody out because they smelled so bad. i don't even think they bought anything, but they stayed in the sotre for a horrible amount of time. someone had to go buy air freshener and spray like crazy before people would start coming in to shop.

    oh and congrats on the initial good news on the script! i can't wait to see in in theatres!

  10. AHAHAHA - yes, what does one say? This happened at the gym the other, and whoever did it, did it right next to the FAN, so it was "shared" with everyone. Finally, someone said "hey, that's just wrong." But no one 'fessed up.

  11. WhatIgot - That is a true mystery, and if somebody could discover it, they could probably make a ton of dough. Baffling is a good word.

    Miss Ash - Of course. Ha. I would have liked to said "Man, you are killing it over here," but for the sake of discretion, I did not.

    Cats - Thank you, and yeah, it does seem that noxious and powerful odors never seem to repel the people who actually produce them. This is NOT a good thing at all. Ha.

    Anonymous Boxer - Oh yeah, I feel your pain as a gym or boxing arena are horrible for that kind of thing. The fan was a nice touch, and NOBODY ever admits to the deed. Never.

  12. Wendy Says:
  13. This is why I love working at home. My dog gladly takes the blame.

  14. nobich Says:
  15. oh no gross!!

  16. Wendy - Another point in favor of at-home work. Ha. But I've always wondered just how many dogs around the world have been inappropriately blamed for this offense. It has to be a lot.

    Nobich - Indeed. These were potent & awful. Above & beyond your normal ones. Ugly.

  17. Can I say just... I have one dog in particular that can put most men to shame. Truly. It's toxic.

  18. vivavavoom Says:
  19. I actually almost threw up in my mouth reading this. Goes along with the visualization/pet peeve of long toenails that makes me cringe. ughfuckinugh!!!! NO ONE needs to take off their shoes and pick out toejam while others are around. why not just take off your pants and dig for dingleberries while he is at it. ewwwwwwwwww

    and that combo of smells was amazingly descriptive....great description...made me a little sick, but great description! nonetheless.

  20. J7 L7+ Says:
  21. Man, I hate slobs. I hate people who bring their disgusting habits into the publich sphere. This is exactly why I carry hand sanitizer with me wherever I go. People make me sick, both literally and figuratively.

  22. H.Wood Says:
  23. Maybe you actually were smelling a dead possum. Does your co-worker like Richard Gere flicks?

  24. Anonymous Boxer - Ha. I guess he is the exception to the rule then because I find most dogs to be scapegoats in this charade.

    Vivavavoom - Thanks, I think as it was hard to truly capture the horrid smell. But at least he didn't have his pants off and digging because that would have taken things far over the edge.

    J717+ - I used to keep the sanitizer around when I worked at a gym, but now I wash my hands a lot because I like the walk since working in an office. But anyway, your larger point about people bringing their own nastiness into public is an increasing problem in my mind as it seems to more acceptable and people are just "expressing themselves" or something like that. I want no part of it.

    H. Wood - Actually, the guy is kind of a movie buff, so the Gere thing might not be too far off. I'll ask him the next time we talk as long as he doesn't give a repeate odor performance.

  25. That was so nasty!!!

  26. You better believe it. Ha.


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