2 Dollar Productions

"I don't speak very much Arabic, but I'm pretty sure I heard the word for gang-bang," - Demi Moore, "St. Elmo's Fire"


It's been a dreary, rainy week in Austin, a marked contrast to the sun and the beach, but enough about that as you cannot live in the past and time marches on with stories to discuss like:

This week a judge in Nassau, Bahamas ordered DNA samples from Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, Dannielynn, Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead for testing.


It's about damn time as this test should easily solve the "Who's Your Daddy" mystery, although it might just turn the whole thing on its head when my DNA comes up as a match. That's right, I'm ready to throw my hat in the ring too.

Dina Lohan said recently that her daughter Lindsay isn't an alcoholic and that people are wrong to assume that she's a club-hopping "party mom." "Oh, the party mom, the party mom, the party mom!" Lohan says. "Whoever said that, my ex-husband or whatever, I'm not the party mom!"


She went onto add, "I'm hardly a mom at all. I'm more like a big sister - who gets paid by my little sister, who drinks like a fish." Dina then giggled uncontrollably and went back to her cell phone call.

Hollywood actress Uma Thurman and her partner, businessman Andre Balazs have reportedly broken up after a three-year relationship and just days after US reports claimed the two would get married this summer on a secluded West Indies island.


This is just another affirmation to me that nearly 96% of relationships where the woman is more than 4 inches taller than the man are doomed to failure (witness: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman for example).

And speaking of Tom Cruise, the actor signed up this week to star in an untitled thriller based on an attempt to assassinate Adolf Hitler at the height of World War II and will be directed by Bryan Singer.


I think this is a good career move for Cruise because if there's one person who's popularity is even lower than Tom's has plummeted lately, it's Adolph Hitler.

It took a couple of false starts, not to mention a shaved head, but Britney Spears now "successfully completed" her stay in rehab. The pop star checked out of the Promises Malibu Alcohol and Drug Rehab Treatment Facility on Tuesday, her manager, Larry Rudolph, said in a statement released by Jive Records.


I might have stayed in rehab longer if I knew I would likely have to pay K-Fed $20 million for a divorce (as it is rumored) upon my return home.

Nicole Richie, The Simple Life star, who took ill on the set of her E! reality show this month, has been diagnosed with hypoglycemia, or low-blood sugar, her rep confirmed Wednesday.


Richie will control this disorder by continuing to not eat sugar or anything else besides lettuce and hot tea.

Oscar winner Cate Blanchett has joined the cast of the long anticipated 4th 'Indiana Jones' film due to start filming in Los Angeles in June.


I guess "Babel" and "Notes on a Scandal" will net you nominations and awards, but it won't pay the bills.

Former Desperate Housewives lawn boy Jesse Metcalfe has entered rehab for an alcohol problem, and the 28-year-old star’s publicist issued a statement Wednesday asking the media to respect his privacy.


That should be easy as it's not hard to respect privacy when nobody gives a damn.

But I do give a damn about images like these outtakes from Virgin Gorda:




I'm not sure how that last one got in there, but regardless, everyone enjoy your time in the sun or the rain, make sure to minimize tan lines at all costs and . . . Happy Friday!

-BDS