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Bathing With The Drunken Viking: Holiday Edition . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, December 30, 2008

{This is the 24th entry in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, we ran through the 2008 batch of Anchor's Christmas Ale which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}


* It's always best to start the New Year with a freshly shaved scrotum.

* Never wear a flashy piece of new Christmas clothing for at least one month following the holiday

* New Year's Eve is amateur night for drinkers - plan accordingly.


* If anyone ends a story about their baby or significant other with: "Isn't that cute," then the answer is always 'No'.

* The Lexus car commercials every Christmas never fail to annoy me.


* New Year's Eve should only be spent with your closest friends, or occasionally, a high-end escort.

* It is always a poor idea to try on a bathing suit during the winter.

* Candy Canes are for suckers.


* A large fire is the best company for a glass of whiskey.

* Don’t be the guy at the New Year's party wearing the stupid hat unless you want to kiss yourself at midnight.


{Editor's Note: I realize this is vaguely ironic given the Viking hat which kicks off this series}

* A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." Oscar Wilde

* Everyone have a safe, fun and wildly succesful New Year's celebration. $2 Dollar Productions will be back in 2009 for another run . . .

-BDS

25 comments

  1. Heff Says:
  2. Wow. An updated Viking pic to boot !

    I shaved my scrote, too !

    Party !

     
  3. I'm gonna need to change my razor blade. I'd hate to nick that sucker while shaving. Happy New Year!

     
  4. Heff - It's been a long time coming. Ha. Nice work on the scrote, and party hard. Ouch.

    Native Minnow - Definitely, and I might use an electric razor. Maybe. Sometimes it pays to be a daredevil. Sometimes it doesn't . . . Happy New Year regardless.

     
  5. Heff Says:
  6. FREE P.S.A. :

    Electric Razor NOT the way to go.

     
  7. JLee Says:
  8. I'm laughing because the Viking pic looks as though you woke up in a tub of ice with one of your kidneys missing. lol
    I agree about the bathing suit theory...
    Happy New Year!

     
  9. Boxer Says:
  10. LOVE the new picture! You've upgraded your bath tub I see from crappy 70's tile to spa tub.

    Have a very fun and happy New Year... I look forward to more drunken posts in 2009.

     
  11. Linda Says:
  12. The drunken Viking always reads best if I've had a few cocktails as well, Ha! I like the "high end escort" idea for New Year's company. If I lived in a more metropolitan area, I'd find some hansom local talent, around here, I'd probably get my neighbor's Uncle Ed *sigh* Have a safe, happy New Year, here's to 2009!

     
  13. HEff - Thanks for the public service announcement as I figured it might be good in theory. I guess it should stay that way, eh?

    Jlee - Close, but luckily, I have retained both my kidneys this Christmas. Ha. And yes, bathing suits don't look good on most people when you're stuffed and white - at least I've found that to be true.

    A.B. - Dammit, don't insult MY tub. That tile cost extra in my loft, and I won't have it sullied. The bigger tub belongs to my parents, which I plop myself into each and every time I make it home for the holidays. It is phenomenal every single time. Have a great New Year's celebration . . .

    Linda - A cocktail or two certainly couldn't hurt this series. Ha. And I had to laugh about Uncle Ed as it's true that high-end escorts can be very elusive. Regardless, have a great celebration to ring in 2009. I've got high hopes for the year.

     
  14. Almost nothing turns me on more that seeing you in that dam viking hat. Hahahaha

    Y are Candy Canes for suckers :-( I love them....

     
  15. Boxer Says:
  16. Settle down, upon closer look you are right... I guess it was just the hat and the beer that made me think THE REST OF THE PLACE was similar.

    :-)

     
  17. grace Says:
  18. lol, awesome post! And I agree with the others... love the updated viking pic.

    Happy New Year to you BDS!! :)

     
  19. TrinabeingTrina - What a coincidence as it turns me on as well. Ha. It's nothing to be ashamed of is what I tell myself. No big deal . . . Enjoy your candy canes and have a great New Year.

    Boxer - Ha. Apology accepted as I wasn't offended. But I appreciate the closer look by you. :)

    Grace - Glad you like it as it just felt like the time was right for an updated picture because the Viking hates to get stale. Have a stellar New Year's up north, and let's hope for only good things to happen in 2009.

     
  20. Heff Says:
  21. "crappy 70's tile", LMAO !!!

     
  22. Romany Angel Says:
  23. I'm sitting here highly amused at the conversation in the comment box about the best method of shaving a scrotum. I thought I'd wandered into the ladies room by mistake for a second.....


    Now what was I here for...oh yeah...Happy New year B and look forward to more witty posts and comments next year.

     
  24. TROLL Says:
  25. Do not carouse with drunkards and gluttons! A prostitute is a deep pit. Don't let the sparkle and smooth taste wine of wine deceive you. For in the end, it bites like a poisonous serpent.


    There aren't any proverbs that address scrotum-shaving specifically, unfortunately.

     
  26. Heff - You can keep laughing for the remainder of 2008, and then move on. Ha.

    Romany Angel - It's a highly delicate situation that requires a lot of foresight . . . Ha. Hopefully, it's been educational as we strive for that around here, especially with the Viking. Have a great New Year's (might already be over w/ time difference) and let's hope for a fine 2009 as well. Why not? Enjoy.

    TheTroll - I enjoyed them all despite their lack of addressing the highly contentious (sp?) scrotum-shaving issue. Ha. I especially liked the deep pit warning, but all should be kept in mind for 2008 & beyond. Happy New Year.

     
  27. But the viking hat is an awesome hat.

     
  28. Miss Ash Says:
  29. New Viking pic, nice touch!

    I also love the one of boozy pants with his ass in the air...I hope I don't resemble that man this evening.

    Happy New Year!

     
  30. WhatIgot - I concur, and thanks. I've had the hat since college & I refuse to give it up. Have a good New Years.

    Miss Ash - Thanks as I like them both as well. And with some good friends & a little bit of self-respect, you CAN avoid ending up like that guy in teh street tonight. Ha. Enjoy it & Happy New Year.

     
  31. vivavavoom Says:
  32. new bathtub...new year!
    that was a short list...must have been powerful stuff. and as a woman I agree with the scrotum shaving completely! the hubby uses the expensive razors for that...make a difference.

     
  33. BostonPobble Says:
  34. Oh my, the Viking has gotten very serious, hasn't he? Although the bathroom is much nicer there days. ;) Happy New Year, $$. May 2009 bring you everything you want and deserve.

     
  35. Wendy Says:
  36. I once did a story on cars that are given as gifts and I got to interview the lady who owns the company that makes the Lexus bows!

    OK, I admit that's not as exciting as a shaved scrotum. Happy New Year anyway!

     
  37. Mr. DNA Says:
  38. I don't shave. I have people that do that for me.

    Happy New Year!

     
  39. slopmaster Says:
  40. amateur night indeed. all that vomit!! what is wrong with you people. I know you rode it out in style though.

     
  41. Vivavavoom - Your husband must be a smart man as that makes sense about the razors (don't know why I hadn't considered it). And yes, there is only so much wisdom the Viking can dispense on some nights. Ha.

    Bostonpobble - Happy New Year to you, and I hope you get much of the same. Let's hope we all do, eh? And yes, it's a new bathtub as I only get to visit it on trips home to see my family, and it's always worth it.

    Wendy - Happy New Year to you, and while few things are as exciting as a shaved scrotum, I like that story. Ha. You have done some really interesting stories over the years, which is definitely a random and cool benefit of writing - at least I think so.

    Mr. DNA - Happy New Year out your way, and that is the wisest idea about the scrotum issue thus far. I need my own helpers, and might take out an ad this year for just such a thing. Ha.

    Slopmaster - Definitely. If I'm going to get sloppy drunk, I personally prefer a random Tuesday night in February versus New Years. But that's just me . . .

     

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