"It's so damn hot! Milk was a bad idea," - Will Ferrell, "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"
Luckily, this week has passed quickly, an occurrence that I badly needed after raking myself over the coals last weekend. South by Southwest has now descended on Austin, and that means that I will not be drinking margaritas at Guero's, eating Tex-Mex at Trudy's or having breakfast at Magnolia Café until the chaos dies down.
But before I can find any adequate substitutes, let's examine the hard news of the week such as:
Lisa Marie Presley's lawyers say they plan to sue British newspaper the Daily Mail after it published an article suggesting that the singer had developed an "unhealthy appetite" and "has gained weight like her father Elvis."
Presley, 40, revealed the real reason for her expanding waistline - she's pregnant - to PEOPLE on Thursday
Her lawyer, Simon Smith, said: "My client is deeply upset and offended by this article, especially as it was widely published just as she and her family were meant to be celebrating her happy news." 
Smith also said the Presley will be asking the Daily Mail to reimburse her for her mental suffering with 227 fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Heather Locklear is fine following a hoax suicide attempt alert at her California home on Saturday night, according to her representative.
A spokesperson for the star says, "(I) spoke with Heather and she is fine. She never requested medical assistance and did not place a 911 call. Nor did anyone from her house call 911 or place a call requesting medical assistance." 
To be safe, I have offered Locklear a clean, quiet stay at my loft in Austin for any rehabilitation she might need.
Dawn Wells, who played Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island," will be serving six months of unsupervised probation after allegedly being caught with marijuana in her car.
She was sentenced Feb. 29 to five days in jail, fined $410.50 and placed on probation after pleading guilty to one count of reckless driving.
In her defense, she claimed that she needed the dope to cope with "all those people who thought Ginger was hotter."
Britney Spears will reportedly guest star in a forthcoming episode of the CBS sitcom "How I Met Your Mother." The 26-year-old pop star will play a doctor's receptionist named Abby who becomes smitten with the main character, Ted. 
This role will be a marked departure from real life where people tell Spear's children that " I met your mother barefoot and buying cigarettes at a gas station" or "I met your mother when she ran over my foot outside of a Starbucks."
Michael Jackson reached an 11th-hour deal to refinance his troubled Neverland Ranch, his lawyer said Thursday, which will void the scheduled upcoming auction of the property.
Jackson attorney L. Londell McMillan told The Associated Press the pop star has worked out a "confidential" agreement with Fortress Investment Group LLC allowing him to retain ownership of the famed property in Los Olivos, Calif.
McMillian also said that Jackson "realizes he's been Bad, but that he's faced The Man in the Mirror, has decided - though won't disclose - whether he's Black or White and was excited that he was able to win back the property in a Thriller."
"Girls Gone Wild" video empire founder Joe Francis pleaded no contest to child abuse and prostitution charges Wednesday under an agreement allowing him to go free after nearly a year in jail.
Francis, 34, returned to Florida after posting a $1.5 million bond this week in Nevada, where he is awaiting trial for tax fraud. The hearing in Bay County state court resolved his 2003 criminal case involving the filming of underage girls during spring break on Panama City Beach.
"I have never committed any crime. I pleaded guilty just to get out of jail," said Francis. 
I'm no prison expert, but I imagine that Francis did a lot more than lift his shirt during his jail stint, which may or may not validate your views on Karma in this world.
Let's not end with any unpleasantness in the penal industry, and instead, focus on the positive like this: 
I generally loathe sweeping the stairs, but I might make an exception in this case. So, feel free to clean in odd areas today, be careful descending from steep places and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
Excellent Post. Mary Ann was hotter, no question. Have a righteous weekend 2Dollar, lol.
Now, that's my kind of woman. Sexy, half-naked, seductive pose and I can't even see her head.
I always thought Mary Ann was the hot one too. Ginger seemed too high maintenance.
And that last pic...the girl does still have a head right?
ok what's "south by southwest" mean?? why would that stop you from drinking?? well happy friday anyway!!
It looks as if she fell down the stairs in those killer heels and broke her neck...
Heff - Thanks on both accounts. I would agree with Mary Ann as well, altough a sample of both would be the only way to defnitely make a decision.
WhatIgot - Ha. Be careful about writing that down - they could use that in court if a bunch of headless people start turning up North. But I still love the shot.
Franki - Mary Ann would have my vote for that reason alone - Ginger would get too tiresome after about 48 hours. As for the pic, I assume so, however, I don't ask too many questions about art. Ha.
Nobich - It's a movie and music festival each March where Austin gets busy as hell with people attending the event. It doesn't mean I won't drink & eat - I just choose different places that won't be as crowded.
Havingmycake - Flew by you in Cyberspace. Those heels would be tricky to descend those stairs, but I think she's just resting and waiting. Ha.
Ha, Lemme tell ya something about Canadian justice. It's a joke. A walk down the street dragging a half dozen severed heads with dog leashes and get off, then successfully sue the government for wrongful prosecution.
Mary ann is even cuter stoned. you go girl! just get a ride next time. heard SXSW is crazy good. I will understand your dilemma when the DNC comes into my town this summer. No locals will be able to venture anywhere. have a great weekend
WhatIgot - That's good to know as I always like to have a safe haven in the back of my mind. You never know what might happen, eh?
Vivavavoom - SXSW is a good time, and I imagine the DNC will provide ample, if different, kinds of fireworks. I agree about Mary Ann too. Have a great weekend as I plan to navigate my way around the madness, to a degree.
Dawn Wells look pretty happy for a mug shot. She's was ALWAYS my favorite. Plus, can I just say that I love her moxie for toting around her tote at age 70.
Who knew that sweet "Mary Ann" was actually the bad girl?
Happy Friday 2$
Happy Friday!
Have you seen that tv show Pop Fiction yet? Where celebrities stage certain events and then voila they are in the tabloids 2 seconds later. IE the Paris/Shaman one.
Anonymous Boxer - Happy Friday yourself, and I agree about Mary Ann. I also like the word moxie quite a bit.
Miss Ash - I've never even heard of that show, but it doesn't surprise me even a little bit. I'll have to do a web search about it. Have a good Friday.
I have a friend who's at SXSW this year. He keeps sending texts to rub it in. I'm beginning to hate him.
Gotta cast my vote with Mary Ann too. So much hotter.
$410.50 fine!?!? What the hell's the 50 cents for? I'd love to see that fine schedule ...... Happy Friday!
Native Minnow - That bastard. It's been pretty good weather so far, so I assume he's having a good time. Regardless, he probably deserves a kidney punch upon his return.
Getoffmylawn - Agreed. She's cuter, and personality goes a long way too.
Linda - Ha. Good question. I can't even fathom what that 50 cents would go towards, but then again, tickets or fines rarely make much sense to me. Happy Friday.
40 and pregnant. she's crazy.
OMG ~ I LOVE the final picture! Magnificent.
Cats - It wouldn't be the ideal situation for me either. Defintely semi-crazy at the very least.
Upset Waitress - I don't know as I might bet you $10 that Jackson never got there despite their relationship. At least not in the traditional sense. Ha.
Bostonpobble - Thanks. I like the word magnificent, so we'll try to keep it up (although those pics are hard to find).