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Quick Hit Friday . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Friday, March 07, 2008

"You are one ugly motherfucker," - Arnold Schwarzenegger, "Predator"

The weather is shaping up nicely for the weekend, which is stellar because I've got friends coming in town to stay with me. In general, I'm not wild about houseguests, but I do enjoy seeing people I like, so sometimes sacrifices must be made.

But before I start playing tour guide around Austin, let's take a look at the important stories of the week such as:

Four upcoming stops on Van Halen's reunion tour have been postponed due to an unidentified illness currently afflicting frontman Eddie Van Halen, concert promoter Live Nation announced Monday.

According to Eddie's physician, "he is undergoing a battery of comprehensive medical tests to determine a defined diagnosis and recommended medical procedures."

His physician later added that he wasn't optimistic for a Van Halen recovery because "there's no medicine available for dealing with an egomaniacal jackass like David Lee Roth."

Producers announced that David Hernandez will remain on "American Idol," despite his past as a male stripper at Dick's Cabaret in Phoenix.

"We've had strippers on the show before," executive producer Ken Warwick was quoted on Tuesday as telling the Web site "We're never judgmental about people who do things like that. If it were some sort of heavy porn, then maybe we'd have to take action. But certainly not on this."

Paula Abdul made a personal plea for Hernandez to stay in the competition, and he is currently greased and tied to her bedpost when he's not on camera as his part of the bargain.

Lou Pearlman, the music mogul who launched the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync, has agreed to plead guilty and make restitution to victims swindled out of an estimated $300 million in phony bank and investment schemes, U.S. prosecutors said on Tuesday.

The charges carry a maximum of 25 years in prison and a $1 million fine.

In my opinion, Pearlman should be fined $10 million alone for bringing the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync into existence.

Lindsay Lohan's mom, Dina Lohan, announced that she will headline her own reality show on the E! network this week.

The new program - "Living Lohan" - will give viewers the chance to watch Dina shepherd Ali Lohan, 14, into a show business career as the show will "follow Dina as she works double duty as mom and manager to help Ali try to follow in her big sister's famous footsteps."

In preparation, Dina Lohan has already bought Ali a case of Greg Goose Vodka as well as a backstage pass to clubs around town. Ali will also have no curfew.

Kate Beckinsale revealed this week that her best attribute is known as "Pharaoh's Tomb" - a self-described monikor for her nether regions.

Beckinsale says, "My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I'm told it is spectacular. But you can't really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?"

I'd love to get Beckinsale in a room, and put "Walk Like An Egyptian" by the Bangles on repeat until the Tomb was revealed.

Britney Spears' father will retain control over the troubled pop star's personal and business affairs until July 31, a court spokesman said on Thursday.

Jamie Spears will be paid a sum of $2,500 a week to manage Britney's affairs.

It must be nice to get paid good money to act like a Father.

As always, let's end with a pleasing image:

Suddenly, my chair at work seems less comfortable and far less sexy. So, upgrade what you sit on, don't get your ass stuck on any amount of leather and . . . Happy Friday!



  1. Gypsy Says:
  2. Oh how I look forward to Quick Hit Friday where I know I can rely on you to fill me in on the latest breaking news in Hollyweird.

    Ok, my street cred is about to go to hell in a hand basket but I actually love the Backstreet Boys and I applaud anyone who managed to bring JT to the public's attention. Man can that boy move in a way that makes me forget I'm 48 years old.

    I can't even bring myself to say a word about the Spears and Lohan clans. They call themselves parents? God help them all.

    On the pleasing image, ok she's hot! The chair would have looked better with a man with rippling biceps, six pack abs and a cute smile but I know I won't win that battle ;)

  3. Fined ten million? Pearlman should be exectued for those crimes against humanity.

  4. make that 'executed'

  5. Heff Says:
  6. I think Eddie Van Halen will be fine once they figure out a procedure to surgically remove his ass from his shoulders. Have a good one, 2 Dollar !

  7. What Ms. Beckinsale didn't mention was the Curse of the Pharoah's Tomb. The curse being the disease that afflicts all who enter the tomb.
    Oh, that was just wrong. So very wrong.

  8. Gypsy - Glad to help out with the important stories. Ha. I think street cred is overrated, but I'm sure you're not alone on the JT thing. And I'm glad you liked the last image as we're making progress (though I can't ever see myself putting your 6-pack on there - ha).

    Native Minnow - Crimes against humanity indeed. I think that was an ugly period where most people look back in shame.

    Heff - Ha. I wondered what your thoughts on Van Halen were as I thought about going to their show in San Antonio. Have a good Friday.

    WhatIgot - If that's wrong, then I don't want to be right. Wait, that doesn't quite make sense, but I would still like to get a more in-depth look to verify the curse's existence.

  9. nobich Says:
  10. Happy Friday Guys!!!

  11. Miss Ash Says:
  12. You'd think with all the money he swindled, Ron Pearlman could afford a nicer shirt.

    Happy Friday!! The weather here is getting worse...50cm apparently this weekend of the white shit...i'm not impressed.

  13. BostonPobble Says:
  14. Gotta love a society that, while on one hand is slamming Dina Lohan for not being a proper mother and taking care of her kid, is alternately giving her a television show to watch her screw up another one. *sigh*

    And, while I love seeing people, I'm not so keen on being a houseGUEST. Give me a hotel around the corner from my friends almost every time and I'm quite happy. I'll let you know if I'm ever in Austin. ;)

  15. Franki Says:
  16. I hope when I'm an old woman, I can engineer some way to get young men to come sing to me.

  17. Nobich - Happy Friday right back at you.

    Miss Ash - Ouch. I was hoping you'd get a slight improvement for your b-day weekend. I'd agree with your take on Pearlman, but then again, the guy looks somewhat creepy in nearly every picture I've ever seen.

    Bostonpobble - Ha. That's a great point about Lohan's mother as that sends a mixed signal for sure. I think it's more about the fact that TV execs will put absolutely anything on television and reward any kind of behavior if they can sell ads during it. And do let me know if you're in Austin I love guests even more who stay in neighboring hotels.

    Franki - I think you should build that into your retirement goals. I would think it could be had for free if you plan well enough in advance. Start early.

  18. I'm about done with reality TV and would rather jump into a swimming pool filled with double edged razor blades than watch one about the Lohans. Thank you Weird Al for the option.

  19. I think Eddie Van Halen is hiding out until his ex-wife's book stops selling.

    And I like the use of color in your last shot. Really, you are getting really, really, "arty" with your pictures. :-)

    Happy Saturday!

  20. cats Says:
  21. $2,500! i would do it for $500. honestly, these people need parenting classes.

  22. vivavavoom Says:
  23. I read that quote from Kate Beckinsale and thought it was genius. I mean, just saying her vajayjay is the best part and has been said to be "spectacular" made her stock rise considerably. Makes me wonder what makes an incredible vagina? I mean I can assume, and I know what makes a very nice penis....I sense a blog entry coming on!!

  24. Getoffmylawn - I agree completely, and enjoyed the Weird Al reference. I read the first sentence, and thought of Al as I have his box set of CDs sitting around somewhere.

    Anonymous Boxer - I wonder if Valerie's book is selling or not as I hadn't heard how it was doing. And I'm glad you like the art direction shift here at $2 as I was running out of choices in the other direction - for now. Ha.

    Cats - They do need weeks and months of classes, but unfortunately, I think it's probably too late and the damage has been done. I will admit that $2,500 a week does sound like good money.

    Vivavavoom - I know what you mean about Beckinsale. I always thought she was attractive, however, after reading that quote, her allure has shot up in my book. And that does sound like a good, if brief, entry. Ha.

  25. She's going to get chronic back problems if she continues to abuse it by sitting unergonomically in that chair!

  26. Someone must say this about Paula Abdul.....what the hell is that woman on? Was she drunk or what? Did you see the stupid hat she was wearing?

  27. Grace Says:
  28. Hey, don't be dissing the Backstreet Boys. I was one of those crazed girl fans who ran around screaming "BSB Rule!". I'm over it now though... mostly.

  29. Havingmycake - Did I mention that I'm an amateur masseuse (sp?) and a giver when it comes to helping out women who sit in unergonomically in chairs? Probably not. Ha.

    Upset Waitress - I missed the hat, but I think she is simply on some heavy-duty painkillers about 90% of the time. At least.

    Grace - Your secret is safe w/ me. Sort of. Ha. But you really should take the posters down now. It's best for everyone involved.

  30. Blogger Says:
  31. I have just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the hottest virtual strippers on my desktop.


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