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Bathing With The Drunken Viking . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, March 26, 2008

{This is the Eighteenth in a recurring series that will only happen when I have consumed far too many spirits with my brother. Last night, a few pitchers of Bass were consumed which triggered strange thoughts, candid insights and pure horseshit. Selah.}



* Assume the worst at highway gas station restrooms

* Always cheat at Monopoly


* Early morning sunlight is the best way to tell if a woman still looks good

* Never have sex wearing socks - you look ridiculous


{Editor's Note: This is NOT me pictured.}

* Sleeping with your friend's sister is OK.

* Brush your teeth at least twice a day, shower the same amount

* Don't ever personally discover that a Cleveland Steamer can be performed outside of Ohio


* Crying at television commercials is a warning sign of an unbalanced life

* Always threaten people verbally so the evidence cannot be used against you in a court of law

* Comb-overs only lead to embarrassment for the wearer, and breed animosity or laughter for the general public


* "An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." - Dylan Thomas

-BDS

21 comments

  1. Heff Says:
  2. I admit, I agree with MOST of those. I wish I had known about the "Sleeping with your friend's sister is ok" deal. I would've aquired Donna at least 10 years earlier...

     
  3. Miss Ash Says:
  4. Bah, I laughed so hard at the Editor's Note, nice touch!!

    And dare I ask, what is a Cleveland Steamer??

     
  5. Miss Ash, I'll show ya sometime what a cleveland steamer is... no actually, I won't. I'm not that guy.

    And having sex with a sock on is definetely not recommended. Condoms can prevent the spread of STDs much better than socks.

     
  6. Heff - If only . . . I'm not quite sure on that one honestly as it depends on a lot of factors. Obviously, it worked out for you, which is all that counts.

    Miss Ash - I want no mistaken identities around here as I take credit when I put myself up on display. Ha. And you don't want to know about the Steamer. All I will say is that it involves a lot of what I found at that highway restroom.

    WhatIgot - I wish you would have explained the Steamer to Miss Ash, but wise choice in not showing it. And yes, you're right about the condom/sock scenario, although some socks are very thick and absorbent, so maybe it's closer than you think.

     
  7. JLee Says:
  8. I don't know about the Monopoly one. I could not respect myself. Ok, now I realize why I lose all the time...

     
  9. BostonPobble Says:
  10. Thank You Thank You Thank You for the admonition against socks! It just looks so damn silly.

     
  11. Grace Says:
  12. All very good advice... although I must admit I was clueless about the Cleveland Steamer. Got a pretty good idea about it now though.

     
  13. Jlee - That's your problem Jlee, everybody you play with is cheating - it's just a matter of how much. Ha. At least now you can keep a close eye on them, and call them on it.

    Bostonpobble - No problem. This is a personal pet peeve of mine, and I am rigorous (sp?) about inforcement as I have demanded they be taken off in the past. I will continue to do so in the future.

    Grace - Some things are better off not knowing. Ha. But at least now you will NEVER be fooled by that one. Small favors.

     
  14. So that's how my brother always won at Monopoly. Bastard.

    This is such a "boy" post, but I always love peering inside the male brain.

    Guys who shower too much kinda make me think they're a little like Howard Hughes. Just sayin'.....

     
  15. nobich Says:
  16. Well Dylan Thomas is so right. I actually have that quote written down on my desk @ work.

     
  17. Anonymous Boxer - The male brain trip is a perilioius journey, especialy w/ alcohol involved. Ha. And I always shower twice a day, although I never pee in jars or grow my fingernails long like Hughes. At least not yet.

    Nobich - I like this quote too. I've seen it before, and finally decided to include it here.

     
  18. Anonymous Boxer Redux - You're right - I just read this post again and it is particularly male-driven this time. I usually try to spread the wealth, but not so much this time.

     
  19. cats Says:
  20. stupid me, i googled a cleveland steamer... there are just some things i wish i didn't know.

    crying at tv comercials is also a sign of pregnancy.

    and i honestly prefer warm socks to cold feet during the act

     
  21. Claire Says:
  22. Sex in socks = the awful. Good call, sir!

    Cxx

     
  23. Cats - I should have posted a disclaimer about the Steamer. Ha. Some things are fine without knowing, eh? And I know you might be tempted to leave socks on in the winter, but if you move quickly enough or stick your feet under the blanket, you can work around it.

    Claire - Thanks. It's just not sexy in the least, and a precursor to even worse things.

     
  24. H.Wood Says:
  25. St. Louis not only named a soccer team "Steamers," they did it twice. I don't care if that's not Cleveland, it's still shitty.

     
  26. vivavavoom Says:
  27. back up....tell how the sleeping with the friends sister is ok?
    and yes.....the socks need to come off!!

     
  28. Gypsy Says:
  29. Thanks for confirming that me and my life are unbalanced. I cry often at commercials especially any that involve cruelty to animals and then I read Cat's comments.....now I'm REALLY horrified.

    You could make it up to your female readers for the male driven post by posting a scrumptious male for us to look at at the end of Quick Hit Friday. Have I mentioned this before? Hey I'm nothing if not persistent...

     
  30. H. Wood - Ha. I didn't know that, but I've known a few softball teams that go by the Steamers. Shitty, but popular.

    Vivavavoom - Socks - definitely. Sister - possibly. Generally, this is not the best idea, but overrall, it can be done. The trick is not bruising any feelings. Ha.

    Gypsy - Persistent is a good trait in my book. That being said, I can't make any promises about the picture. Ha. And I think TV shows, movies, and songs are fine to cry during, however, I think that misting up at commercials might mean that you've got a lot going on in real life. At least that's my theory, which is decidly unscientific.

     
  31. Melissa Says:
  32. You read Figleaf?

     
  33. Not all of it . . . but let's keep that amongst ourselves, eh? Ha.

     

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