Two years ago, I was lucky enough to spend St. Patty's Day in Ireland as my good friend had the foresight to schedule his wedding to overlap with the event. 
Both the wedding, and the holiday celebration were excellent as the Guinness flowed freely, people were generally in a good mood and many songs were sung which kept the crowds riled up. I was unsure of the exact lyrics as the pubs were loud and the accents strong, however, I stood with the masses pint after pint. 
In America, I still enjoy St. Patty's Day, although the holiday morphs into a good excuse to get drunk in the middle of the day and utilize embarrassing Irish accents. I plan to do neither today. It's raining in Austin today, and with the Easter holiday coming up later this week, I have work to do.
But in case it's possible to shirk or postpone your duties for a cold Guinness, here's some tips that I've learned over the years:
1) Never drink Green Beer.
2) I repeat - never drink Green Beer 
3) Don't let a female you're trying to pick up drink green beer as it looks horrible coming back up and is difficult to clean
4) Always have a professional make your Black and Tan for you
5) Don't pinch anyone at your office - especially females - who aren't wearing green unless you want to visit your HR department
6) Consider pinching people at bars who aren't wearing green, but keep it playful
7) Watch "Michael Collins"
8) Don't ask any short men you encounter about pots of gold or Lucky Charms - there's no humor there
9) Listen to the Clancy Brothers
10) Guinness does taste better in Ireland
Happy St. Patty's Day.
-BDS
I plan to stay safetly at home where I know what color the beer is in advance.
uhh, "safely". (I started early)
Heff - Safety first. Ha. And smart move on the quality control. Enjoy.
I don't know if this applies to Guiness, but it may explain why it tastes better in Ireland. I have known that imported beers in America taste different inside America because breweries make batches specifically for the American market. Those batches are less alcoholic than the normal brew. I know this is true with Heineken and I've been told it is true with other brands.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I celebrated last night after my vball game but stayed away from the green beer. Many were not so lucky and there was green dye all over the place. Apparently us Canucks like to stretch out St. Patty's Day :)
while i agree with all your rules. i would say #4 is essential.
guiness is my favorite. honestly if you don't need a fork and a knife to drink a beer then you are drinking really bad beer. and to make a perfect black and tan you have to mix it with yuengling lager, a lager that you can only find in the PA area. (alas, we have none of it where we live now.)
and as a side note: when i was pregnant with my first child all i craved was a guiness.
It's kinda "ruined" for you isn't it? Once you taste the real thing, the rest are cheap imitations. I get that.
I don't wear green, won't EVER drink green beer, but I will post pictures of Chihuahua's wearing a shamrock. I clearly, have no taste.
And you're soooo right about the pinching thing.
WhatIgot - That's interesting as I hadn't heard that story. I did like drinking Heineken better in Amsterdam, but there were other factors at work too. I will have to investigate this lessening of alcohol content further. Research is key. Enjoy St. Patricks Day up north.
Miss Ash - You do stretch it out as Sunday is the day of rest. Ha. Smart move avoiding the green beer, as you noted, the cleanup is horrible. Have a good continuing celebration.
Cats - Thanks for the tip. I've never heard of that mixer for a black and tan, but I'm all for improving things. It's good to hear a woman drinking Guinness and other dark brews as I always prefer something with some depth, altough I do like lighter when it's 100 degrees in the summer in Austin. But I still make sure it's got flavor (no Coors Light - ever - for instance). That must have been a tough pregnancy. Ha.
Anonymous Boxer - Unfortunately, it does take on a different light now. I still wouldn't trade the experience. I'll have to come over and look for the Chihuhua since you are pouring all your green onto him. Ha.
Happy St. Pat's
Rules to live by. And all I can say about the guy who got married in Ireland around St. Patty's Day: What a great friend.
So far, it's the best tasting beer I've ever had. Plus it's like drinking a meal. Another bonus is the sex is always better after only a couple.
Happy St. Patty's day BDS :)
I forgot to wear green today...the only one in the office to do so. But I did go get some lucky Charms cereal to make sure and celebrate my drunken american heritage!
Nobich - Happy St. Patty's to you. Hope you had a good one.
Native Minnow - Agreed on all counts. That's also likely why he's one of my best and oldest friends.
Upset Waitress - That's a great bonus because there's slippery slope that you enounter if you drink too much. A few beers can make things better and more adventureous (sp?), so I'm all for it. Happy St. Patty's Day back at you.
Vivavavoom - I forgot to wear green as well, but figured that nobody would pinch me due to the HR issue. Smart move on the Lucky CHarms as it's been far too long since I ate some (and the last time I barely remember because I was a bit sideways at the time).
Most American domestic beer has less alcohol content. Even imports are made specially with less alcohol. You'd know better than me but it is possible to get good 6% in America, it usually just costs a bit more.
I actually heard somewhere that good stout (Guiness in particular) doesn't travel well, subtly going through small chemical changes with the rigors of transoceanic shipping. I don't know if that's true but, like you say, research. Slante!
Getoffmylawn - I can believe both accounts as the stout doesn't travel particularly well, and most beers tend to be around 4% or so - I think. Again, like you mentioned, research needs to be conducted and it probably needs to be done over several years. I'll report back later.