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All-Day Drinking, Sex and Football . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, October 13, 2008

It can be a rather sleazy feeling to crack open your first Shiner Bock at 10:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

My coffee pot had yet to turn off, but the beer had been icing in an oversized tub for more than an hour and kick-off for the Texas - Oklahoma football game was only 30 minutes away. These things happen. And while drinking all day can lead to horrible things, this game occurs only once a year and there was a crowd of people at my loft to join in the festivities.

I won't recount the details of the game except to say that is was phenomenal - and Texas won 45 - 35.

Much like great sex, it was back and forth, up and down, fraught with wild momentum swings, and just when you thought it was over, another round was just waiting to begin. It was exhausting.

I can't imagine how it must have been for the actual players as I felt drained from eating barbecue brisket sandwiches and drinking beer while alternately yelling at Sooner players and accusing them of cheating, dirty play and inbreeding.

Hats were thrown in anger, and hands slapped in joy. The language ranged from guttural to slanderous and fuck was used as a noun, verb and adjective again and again with cocksucker taking a respectable second place.

It wasn't civilization at its finest moment, however, I would argue that it was a heavily cathartic activity because bottling up anger can lead to tooth decay and hemorrhoids. I swear I read that in a medical journal somewhere.

The only problem with drinking that early is that once the game ended around 2:30 p.m. I was ready to be sober, and you're locked into feeling sideways with a large portion of the day still to go.

My memory is slightly hazy from that point onward, but I do remember making it to a Greek place for dinner and being unable to comprehend the menu choices as the waiter had a fairly thick accent, although I did somehow refrain from shrugging my shoulders and saying "just bring me the special because it's all Greek to me." But I thought about it.

Anyway, I'm now feeling mostly human again on Monday morning, and although it was a fine day on Saturday, I'm glad it doesn't happen too often anymore unless scientists can get off their collective asses and mass market a hangover cure.



  1. JLee Says:
  2. I think I read that hemorrhoid thing too. It's a fact. If the TX/OU game was like good sex, the Cowboy game was like bad sex. You get all excited with a big letdown at the end. ha

  3. Heff Says:
  4. Congrats on having the balls to drink that early in the day. Even Heff has a 5pm rule.

  5. You can drink anytime of day you'd like. It's just you have to wait for the Sun to set before you can drink hard liquor.

  6. Jlee - Ha. Great analogy/parallel/etc. as I watched most of the Cowboy game as well and would agree 100%. At least the weather was good, eh?

    Heff - I generally adhere to Heff's rule as we all need them to conduct ourselves, but occasionally it's also a good idea to kick them to the curb - at least temporarily.

    WhatIgot - That seems reasonable to me. Hard liquore seems to belong later at night unless you're having a Bloody Mary at brunch to ward off a hangover.

  7. The Troll Says:
  8. Texas applied to join the SEC until they found out that tackling was allowed.

  9. A.B. Says:
  10. I have the best hangover cure.... don't drink?

    Right. Football and no beer, it isn't going to happen.

    My Huskies are biting so bad this year I've given up and worked in the yard instead.

  11. TheTroll - It's not hard to tackle when all the offenses are anemic. Ha. But this year, most everyone agrees that the SEC takes a backseat as the best conference to the Big 12. I'll take it.

    A.B. - Poor Huskies . . . and I like Ty Willingham, but he's going to be fired at the end of the year. I agree about the wisdom of not drinking, however, there are certain times when this just isn't possible. Ha. I just wish there were certain times when a hangover wasn't inevitable too.

  12. I couldn't watch it b/c I had to help my advisor move offices. I did get a free meal out of the deal, but that certainly doesn't substitute for a good football game.

  13. Miss Ash Says:
  14. Yikes! After a morning/afternoon of drinking like that I'm usually ready for my bed 3PM or not!!

  15. Linda Says:
  16. On Saturday, any time is a good time for a drink. Football is the best excuse. Worst hangover I ever had was after the Ohio State - Michigan game a few years ago. Jack & Coke, an Irish bartender and my daughter are a lethal combination. Looked so pathetic walking down 42nd St the next day, a cab pulled over without me hailing. Only sure-fire hangover cure is sleep. Agree that those slacker scientists should get on it. Glad you had fun!

  17. Native Minnow - I hate moving, even offices and that seems just cruel on a Saturday. Ouch. And I agree that a free meal doesn't suffice (he could have thrown in a six-pack for good measure).

    Miss Ash - I was too, but I made myself rally & I made it until about 11 p.m. Yep, big party. Ha.

    Linda - Ha. That's pretty funny about the cabdriver proactively seeking YOU out. These things happen as you noted in certain circumstances. I acutally think that there may be truth to the rumor that scientists won't come up with a cure because drinking would go through the roof. Probably not, but a good consipracy theory never hurt anyone.

  18. Gypsy Says:
  19. Aussies have only one rule when it comes to drinking and that is "As long as there is a pub open somewhere in the world it's ok".

    All day drinking, sex and football...sounds like a day made in heaven to me.

  20. Gypsy - I like that rule, and now that you mention it, those activities do signal a damn near perfect day. ha.

  21. Blogger Says:


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