"A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says... [the ceiling gives way] Oh, shit." - Judd Nelson, "The Breakfast Club" 
That's the best thing that Nelson has ever done, but damn, what a fine example 80's filmmaking. Since Christmas is around the corner and I've got traveling to do where the Internet doesn't roam, let's get right to the stories of the week:
Jamie Lynn Spears -- the 16-year-old children's television star and younger sister of beleaguered pop star Britney Spears -- announced to OK! Magazine that she was pregnant this week. Spears, the star of Nickelodeon's "Zoey 101," confirmed to the magazine that she was pregnant and that the father is her 18-year-old boyfriend.
In a related story, it was announced that Lynne Spears - Britney and Jamie's mother - will have her forthcoming book on parenting postponed indefinitely. 
Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.
Celine Dion called it a wrap at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas this week after a five-year engagement. Her fan cheered, stood and clapped throughout the show, as Dion told them of the show's troubles:
"At one point, it was like feeling like the Titanic was about to sink again," said Dion. 
And personally, I would rather go down on the Titantic than attend one of her shows (sorry Canada).
Matthew McConaughey cut his face this week while preparing for his role in "The Grackle," a new movie from his J.K. Livin Productions. The actor's publicist said that McConaughey had been training Ultimate Fighting Championship-style and that McConaughey did not know when and where the injury occurred. 
He later added that Matthew might have been able to identify the time period if "he wasn't so high all the time."
Pamela Anderson filed for divorce from third hubby Rick Salomon after just two months of marriage -- but she may have changed her mind.
The former “Baywatch” star cited “irreconcilable differences” in court papers filed Frida. But Anderson later pulled the request and posted a brief note on her Web site Monday reading: "P.S. We're working things out." 
If I was betting, I would bet that things don't "work out" and that this will be divorce #4 for Anderson before 2008 arrives.
"Lord of the Rings" director Peter Jackson will take part in "The Hobbit," the prequel to the highly profitable film series, after settling disputes with New Line Cinema over "Rings" residuals, the studio announced Tuesday.
Legions of fans immediately leapt from their parent's basements and began sewing Middle Earth costumes for the premiere.
Oscar-winning actor Michael Douglas has a new gig - the 63-year-old Hollywood star debuted on Monday night as the new announcer for the network newscast -- "This is the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams."
I didn't realize that Douglas was that hard up for work, although I guess it costs a fair bit of money to keep a much younger Catherine Zeta-Jones satisfied.
Amy Winehouse was arrested in London on Tuesday as the "Back To Black" singer was implicated in a bribery plot for which her 25-year-old husband, Blake, has been jailed since November.
A police spokesperson confirmed: “A 24-year old woman has been arrested by appointment at an east London police station. She is currently in custody. The arrest was in connection with an investigation into perverting the course of justice.”
If I was ever going to be charged with anything, I wish it would be "perverting the course of justice." I love English expressions.
Speaking of perversion, let's end with this: 
This combines a few of my favorite things in life in one gorgeous package. Let's hope we all get a few holiday packages soon enough, but if not, feel free to put on your stockings, head to your local bar and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
Damn. I was waiting for Lynn Spears' book to come out, because I wanted to read it so I can help my kids turn out just like hers.
P.S. Last night I went out to dinner with girlfriends and one of them gave me "The Wonder Bread Cookbook," because I'd told her about that underwear model's hint you gave us in a previous post. I think they left out that particular "recipe."
I tried to watch Celine and her ego on Oprah recently, but when she started singing one of the dogs actually started barking. I was grateful.
Sorry Canada.
Happy Friday and Merry Christmas 2$
Wendy - Ha. I should have known YOU would be disappointed this book was put on hold. Love the Wonderbread book idea, although I would write the publishers if I were you and demand the unabridged/unedited version.
Anonymous Boxer - I would be grateful too. Her husband also seems a bit creepy to me. Happy Friday & if I'm not back then Merry Xmas as well. We could all use a few days off.
Happy Friday & Merry Xmas!!
That last picture did something to my holiday package.
Regarding Jamie Lynn: I predict that by next year's end we will be calling Britney "the responsible Spears sister"
No need to apologize to Canada for making light of Celine Dion. When she signed that contract to play Vegas, she received her biggest standing ovation because we knew she was going far far away for a long long time.
And Judd Nelson's finest work was Transformers: the Movie.
On Spears: teens get pregnant every day, they just don't get to sell the news for a million bucks.
On Celine: she could retire ten times over, don't gives us your woes on stage. All set there.
On Michael: I'm thrilled that I get to hear his voice every night before the news, don't care why he did it. BTW his wife is at the top of my "film folk I'd love to have lunch with" list. I've read that she drinks bourbon, eats red meat and has a wicked sense of humor. Michael can come along if he likes.
Happy Friday and Merry Christmas!
Damn it, I was hoping Vegas would keep Dion forever!!
I saw Amy Winehouse on some awards show the other night....she's actually very very scary looking! I was aware of this but forgot just how scary she really is. How the fuck does she have a boyfriend and I do not LMAO??
Ah The Breakfast Club... Life was so full of hope back then. Will you walk on by?
Nobody needs to be sorry to Canada that Celine sucks. I like that you said "her fan" clapped all the way through. It may have been a type-o but she can't have more than one fan left can she? She is less popular in Canada than anywhere else.
We have much more to be proud of. Celine is just a footnote. Wait 'til you try poutine. You'll think you've gone to heaven.
Did Jamie Lynn learn nothing from her big sister or does she aspire to be just like her? Another poor child about to be born into the world to loser parents. What a pity you don't need a license to be a parent.
On gorgeous packages, I've left some pressies for my readers if you want to pop over. The wrapping is very similar to yours :) Have a very Happy Christmas wherever you may be BDS.
someone once told me the end of that joke from the breakfast club, but i can't remember it. and i'm still not certain that there was a real punchline anyway.
still one of my all-time favorite movies. have a wonderful holiday!
This post just made me happy. All of it. For no particular nor definable reason. Happy holidays!
Holy boobies. I wonder if Pamela Anderson can cure her case of Hepatitis C before she gets married again.
Merry Christmas and a very happy and successful New Year to 2 Dollar Productions!
You've been tagged. Come see my blog for your meme. My apologies.
Nobich - Same to you as I'm enjoying mine.
Native Minnow - I always love a good package joke around this time of year. Ha. I use variations depending on the number of drinks I've consumed.
Idig - I really thought she looked far smarter than Britney. Maybe it was the glasses.
WhatIgot - What a call w/ The Transformers. I completely forgot about that as I hadn't considered it in years.
Linda - Merry Christmas to you. And I have heard the same thing about Zeta-Jones (to be more fair than the post - ha). As for Douglas, my favorite Douglas movie in the last 10 years - "Wonder Boys." Finally, the million dollar price tag was somewhat sickening to me.
Vivavavoom - Bob Barker treatment. Ha. I like that line. And I am headed to Oklahoma, and to be fair, they do have the Internet but my grandparents don't care about it even a little bit.
Miss Ash - I chock up the Wino boyfriend thing to loads of drugs and she should have loads of money (if she didn't spend it on drugs. Ha.) She looks pretty awful lately.
Mr. DNA - Those were the days. And that song has to be one of the finest soundtrack songs in cinema history - perfect for that film and time.
Getoffmylawn - That Celine explanation (echoed by some others) gives me hope, which is always a good thing. Poutine?
Gypsy - Have a great Christmas around the world yourself. And I'll pop over soon. As for Spears, nobody learns ANYTHING in that family from what I can tell. Absolutely nothing.
Cats - Have a great holiday yourself, and man, I wished you knew the end of that joke. Ha. If you find out, get back to me ASAP.
Bostonpobble - I wouldn't examine it too closely then. Ha. Any amount of happy is good with me, so Happy Holidays to you.
Upset Waitress - Doubtful for Anderson. I think that stuff is like bag luggage and you can never get rid of it.
Jlee - Right back at you. I have high hopes for 2008 (until reality slaps me into a differnt stance). Merry Christmas.
Wendy - I'll be over and promise to answer the tag - I have a streak to keep intact of these kinds of things. Ha. I'm just not sure about the time period.