” Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, at the top of my game, maxing out at 500!” – Fred Willard, “Best in Show”
This line of conversation is a great non sequitur to use at parties or any conversation where you don’t mind looking foolish, which is why Willard is generally a funny guy and why he was hilarious in ‘Best in Show.’ But I’ve already done my bench pressing this morning at the gym before work, so now the only heavy lifting I have is making a few phone calls, tidying up our CRM system and then escaping from the office by 3 p.m. at the latest.
So, before I eschew work completely, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Bruce Willis married his girlfriend of a year, model/actress Emma Heming, 30, this past week at a small, private ceremony at Willis’ home in Parrot Cay, Turks & Caicos.
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher attended as well as Willis’ daughters Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah Belle. The couple plans to hold a civil ceremony when they return to California. 
I’ve got a ‘Sixth Sense’ this marriage might ‘Die Hard,’ but then again, Willis might be ‘The Last Boy Scout’ around and things could work out if he stays out of ‘Striking Distance’ of any seductive co-stars.
In other matrimony news, David Letterman announced on the ‘Late Show’ that he had married longtime girlfriend Regina Lasko on March 19th at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana.
Letterman and Lasko, whose son, Harry, was born in November 2003, didn't take an immediate honeymoon. 
I guess once you’ve been to Choteau, Montana then any other honeymoon location would just be an utter letdown.
"Today" show co-host Matt Lauer was forced off the air Monday after a bicycle accident which occurred when a deer jumped into his path. He flipped over the bike's handlebars and was slightly hurt, NBC said.
"Matt's banged up with a displaced shoulder, it popped out," Meredith Vieira said. "So hopefully he'll be on the mend soon."
In a related story, Tom Cruise donated $100,000 to the family of the deer who gave his life to take out Lauer.
Lindsay Lohan's next new movie, "Labor Pains," is being released straight to cable as Nu Image/Millennium Films has confirmed that the comedy will premiere on ABC Family in July 2009. 
Meanwhile, Lohan's career will continue its steady trajectory straight into the toilet.
Harrison Ford, 66, and his longtime girlfriend, Calista Flockhart, 44, became engaged after he proposed marriage to her over the Valentine's Day weekend, People magazine reported this week.
The celebrity couple have been together for 7 1/2 years, but the magazine said no wedding date has been set.
Flockhart has said she won’t marry Ford until he apologizes for his participation in that horrible nuclear refrigerator scene from the latest Indiana Jones film.
Zac Efron pulled out of the starring role in Paramount's remake of ‘Footloose’ this week.
No reason was given, however, rumors had Efron not wanting to get typecast a musical-only actor. 
My own feeling is that Efron finally realized that he would never surpass Kevin Bacon’s insurmountably stellar work in the original.
One of Michael Jackson’s crystal-encrusted gloves will be on display in Times Square this week in a preview of a planned auction of the pop legend's possessions which are currently scheduled to be sold during a televised auction in April. 
The big prize in the auction is the glove which was used to spank Macauly Caulkin as that piece is expected to fetch in upwards in of $500,000.
As always, let’s end with a gold image or two:
I always prefer curves to stick figures, and it seems that breasts look best in black and white. So, don’t be afraid to let it all hang out today, let the color drain and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
Couldn't work Hudson Hawk in there, could ya?
WhatIgot - I actually thought about it that one even though it was a huge bomb at the time. But I couldn't stretch that far . . .
You are a bigger man than me if you work out that early in the morning. ha Literally, I guess.
I think it was best to leave the Hudson Hawk out of the mix too...
Lots of matrimony news this week. I guess at work we'll have to start our "how long will it last" poll. I remember winning the Ben Affleck/JLo pot once upon a time. lol
Have a great weekend.
I'm extremely proud of you. You've once again Stumped The Heffer. Carry On.
I had nothing, so I looked up Heming. Not much there except she was born in Malta and used to screw something called Flavio Briatore. So I looked up Flavio. Now that ugly old Troll is my hero!
In the late 1990s, Briatore gained notoriety among European tabloids for his romantic relationships with supermodels such as Naomi Campbell, Adriana Volpe, Bruce Willis' current wife Emma Heming and Heidi Klum.
Jlee - I like to miss traffic & get it out of the way, so I punish myself even after I was out drinking (such as last night). Ha. I know about the matrimony as it seemed like every story was of that variety. These things come in waves I guess. And nice work on the pot win as it was only a matter of time for them . . . Happy Friday.
Heff - Ahh, the streak is unbroken. Honestly, this week was tough with all the weddings and engagements as I don't find any of them particularly amusing. Selah. Happy Friday Heff.
Nobich - Happy Friday to you.
Chef Troll - I appreciate the research as I'd never heard of her, and I had to laugh about ol' Flavio Briatore because you're right - it doesn't really sound like a person at all. But you have to give it up to his track record as that is awfully impressive. Happy Friday.
I don't have much to say today. I'm sulking because I watched my bracket shrivel up and die last night. I'm clinging on to hope that there will be a glimmer of redemption tonight. ...sigh...
I will conjure up the effort to post about my dismay a bit later.
Have a good weekend. We're getting ready to be snowed in.
side note - Matt Lauer is a tool.
I loved Best in Show. Mockumentaries are one of my favorite film genres. My hub recently saw Christopher Guest while on a job. Hub is so cool about it. I probably would have fainted.
Kmwthay - Sorry about your bracket as I got 3 of 4 last night & still sit in 3rd place. You can help immensely if you convince OU to win tonight as most people picked Syracuse & I could leapfrog them, so . . . Good luck avoiding the snow, Happy Friday nonetheless and I'm not a huge fan of Lauer myself.
Wendy - I do too, and Guest does them as well (or better) than anyone. 'Show' and 'Spinal Tap' are my favorites, although I liked 'Guffman' and 'Mighty Wind' too. And yes, your hubby is very cool if he stayed calm in the face of that. Ha. I probably would have clammed up & not fainted, but still, it wouldn't have been pretty. Happy Friday.
I always wondered how they really knew that was THE glove. that could just be a Kmart rip off and Michael has like 100 of them. when does his first nose go on sale?
All my over-50 boyfriends this week! I think Best in Show is one of Guest's best. Don't know anyone who didn't like it. Guest, McKean and Shearer are touring as themselves, recreating the show I saw a couple of years ago here in Newport. Love to catch them in NYC. I've been a little down in the dumps since learning that Letterman is off the market. I've got a thing for snarky older men. Agree with you on the logevity of Willis' marriage, but that's just the cynic (realist) in me. Happy Friday!
Funny, I was just joking about Michael Jackson's sequined glove with a couple of students last night. It must be on everyone's minds. Marriage must be too. It's like a plague ;-)
Vivavavoom - I believe his nose will go up on Ebay once he starts his announced concerts in London because it will undoubtably shake off & some fan will post it. I'll keep an eye out for you. Happy Friday.
Linda - Then, this was the week for you, although it was a double-edged sword, eh? Ha. I love 'Show' and have probably seen it five or six times by now. Thanks for the touring information too as I hadn't heard about it. Don't worry too much about Letterman (they've been together forever), and just focus on the weekend. Happy Friday - wish there was something to go see this weekend at the theater.
Native Minnow - That is strange because I hadn't really thought about the Glove in many, many years. Now, it's everywhere, so I guess you have to give it up for the longevity. Maybe. Regardless, next week will likely be matrimony light, so things will get back to normal. Happy Friday.
Your welcome! :). W00t sooners.
Is there any non lovey dovey marriage crap going on in Tinseltown this week?? Doesn't look like it....
Have a great weekend!
Those Willis' are so damn civil aren't they? No matter how friendly I am with an ex I think I would draw the line at having them at my wedding.
I'm glad to see you posted a couple of women at the end with actual flesh on their bones. So much better than scrawny bones.
Have a great weekend B and I'll still drop by from time to time.
eagle has landed!
Kmwthay - Thanks, and sorry about the game yesterday, although I called that one right in my bracket. :) I'm currently in 2nd place, but if NC beats Villanova, I should win the whole damn thing.
Miss Ash - I know it. It was a boring week in that regard as I don't find those stories very funny. Hope you had a good weekend.
Romany Angel - GREAT to see you around again. Hope you are doing well, and stop by anytime. And I always like curves versus stick figures - every single time.
Boxer - Great news & thanks again. I hope you landed in sunny weather too.
I am so gonna steel that last pose for an HNT :)
You're welcome & send word when you steal or borrow it. Ha.