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Behind The Curve . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Monday, March 02, 2009

I received a gift card for an iPhone for my birthday, but I have yet to redeem it for the actual device.

I’m not entirely sure why the gift card has been sitting on my shelf for more than a month. Generally, I love electronic gadgetry, and tend to be an early and rapid adopter if the technology seems like a good bet. From all indications, the iPhone is a hell of a fun device as most people who own them (at least the 3G/newer ones) tend to rave about them like they were inducted into some Apple cult or are involved in a Ponzi scheme to sell the virtues of these sleek devils to obtain a higher level of reward.

It’s all about the Apps, they say. Apps? I always used to think of Apps in terms of appetizers, but apparently, there are iPhone Apps for virtually everything. Some find restaurants, others check calories, they act as a level to hang shelving, tell you how much snow fell last night, locate your missing car, etc. Most of them sound interesting, if not overly useful.

Last week, I even got an email advertising porn sent directly to your iPhone for your “on the go lifestyle.” Seriously. I like porn as much as the next guy, however, if I can’t make it home to watch it on a television or computer like God intended, then I’ve got a problem that extends far beyond my inability to drag my ass to the Apple store for the phone.

One problem is the size as I’m concerned about being able to fit an iPhone into my front pants pocket, which his where I currently carry my phone. I’m not going to wear a clip-on attached to my waist or belt like some buffoonish-looking professionals I’ve seen with Blackberry holsters that are roughly equivalent to neon fanny packs in terms of looking utterly ridiculous.

It wouldn’t be a problem for a female because you could throw the iPhone in your purse, and in fact, most of the zealous push I’ve been getting to get with the program has been from this particular gender.

Oh well, this situation calls for no sympathy, only action. I need to march down to the iPhone store, grab one roughly by the handle and jam it into my pocket to see how it responds to my lifestyle. Then, I’ll request the Apple representative showcase this porn download feature – strictly for research and to stay current with the technology curve.



  1. Wendy Says:
  2. I don't get it. I use my cell phone for the very occasional phone call, plus texting, because my kids seem to answer a text more often than a phone call. And that's it. Maybe I'm just an old fogey, but I don't want pictures, e-mail, recipes, or music videos on my stupid phone.

  3. Linda Says:
  4. Embrace the technology. I know men who carry iPhones in their pants. (couldn't resist) Whenever I bitch about a new device, my daughter says to me, "spend time with it." So dismiss the bitching and spend time with the phone. And, yes, said daughter has an iPhone ....and loves it.

  5. JLee Says:
  6. I'm weird because I don't want an Iphone because everybody I know has one. (plus I don't want to pay for the data plan) But anyway, you got a free one waiting for you, so just wear your baggiest pants and go get you one! ha

  7. Heff Says:
  8. I'm generally AGAINST cellphones of any sort, but the thought of "remote porn" may turn Heff around....

  9. I've used an iPhone as my father has two. (Beats me why.) They are uncomfortable as cellphones. And a pain in butt to use as Blackberry type PDA phones. Too much time spent with the backspace button.

  10. Wendy - I do the same with my current phone, and always find it bizarre that people will answer a text right away & yet not pick up the phone when I call. Ha. Who knows?

    Linda - I can definitely appreciate the technolgy at work with the iPhone as it seems easy to use (relatively). I'll probably just drop by the Apple store at lunch one day, and get to know the phone, which looks rather vulgar typed out onscreen.

    Jlee - The data plan isn't overly cheap, and that doesn't help matters. There's a few apps I do think are cool, and since it's essentially free, I'll probably cave and I suppose it's simply a matter of when.

    Heff - I'll send word when I finally break down and get an iPhone. That being said, porn doesn't appeal to me on the phone as it's a tiny screen & you're probably on the phone because you're around people, so why watch porn in that situation?

    WhatIgot - I did try to type/text on one, and you're right about the back spacing. I think it's meant for female hands or at least anyone with smaller fingers. But your Dad having two of these things is interesting. I suppose one is for work and one for personal, but man, that just seems confusing to me.

  11. Miss Ash Says:
  12. Ha! You'll have all of Texas staring at your square crotch!

    I'm like Wendy, I use my phone to call people and the odd text so I don't need anything particularily fancy. A camera is a treat for me!

  13. I'm with the od school crowd. I want my phone to ring when someone calls me. I want to be able to make a call when I feel like it. My cell phone contract is ending soon. I will not renew. Besides, I clip mine to my belt and I don't want to look bufoonish.

  14. CHEF TROLL Says:
  15. It is a cult. Be an individual. Resist.

  16. I think I'd like to have one of these, but not at what is basically double the cost of my current plan. I supposed I don't need the internet at my fingertips even more than it already is. Plus, all those apps lose their luster after the first couple of weeks. Well, maybe not the porn app. You'll have to let me know how that one turns out.

  17. Boxer Says:
  18. I received one for my birthday last year and was hesitant, like you are, to actually embrace the whole culture behind the iPhone. (I JUST downloaded my first "app" last month.)

    Here's what I'll say about my phone;

    I have a crush on it. It's cute and smart and takes pictures (but not videos.) Mostly, I love the ability to stand a street corner, find a location and then press the phone number from Google and it will call it for me.

    But, my biz partner has one and he's had problems finding a place to carry it. AND, the front is fragile. I scratched mine within weeks. The battery drains quickly. The texting pad is easy, but I'm too old to really get texting.

    Here's what I say;

    there's a reason you haven't redeemed the gift card and you should think about THAT some more.

  19. nobich Says:
  20. Resist resist resist

  21. Miss Ash – That might actually get me more notice with the square crotch as it could look impressive from certain angles. Ha. And yes, all I really need to do is make calls and send an occasional text when I’m forced to. I have a camera on my current phone, but never use it.

    Getoffmylawn – Dammit. I knew there would be a clip somewhere in these comments. Ha. Sorry, but I understand the functionality of having one, I just don’t care for the way it looks on those businessmen who use them like a gunfighter in the old West for their Blackberries (realize this isn’t your case).

    Chef Troll – There is a cultish atmosphere, but I already have an ipod (which I like quite a bit), so I need to use the gift certificate for something & the phone seems like the best bet. I’ll have to go take a look.

    Native Minnow – There was just a story that came out recently documenting that most Apps people download for the phone start gathering dust within a few weeks or something like that. Maybe not the porn thing . . . And I agree about the rate plan as that is fairly brutal & I’m trying to figure out the exact numbers this week.

    Boxer – Thanks for the review. That App sounds pretty cool, and I have to admit there is one that has all the current movies and gives you the nearest theater based on your GPS location for whatever film you want to see. I think that’s pretty cool for obvious reasons. I had heard that about the front of the iPhone as I figure I’d have to get a sleeve for it, but it would have to look sharp as the interface/phone itself is slick-looking, so I wouldn’t want to ruin that aspect. It’s a tough one as my wife loves hers as well, and has nothing but praise for the thing. We’ll see.

    Nobich – Is that some kind of repetitive mind trick . . . Ha. I’m up in the air, and need to go visit an Apple store & take a hard look at the thing.

  22. SymplyAmused Says:
  23. I have an iPhone and I use it for the ereader feature mostly. I like being able to download books and read them while on break or at lunch at work. Fortunately, mine is the 2G which has the cheaper plan at the moment but I recently upgraded to the 3G only haven't activated it yet. It's a backup phone : ) The text feature is what is best. I text more than I talk on it. Mine goes in my back pocket and fits comfortably. Although I would reccommend getting a gel covering for it. A sturdy one as they are good shock absorbers if you should ever, god forbid, drop it! Just my two cents...

  24. Blogger Says:
  25. There is a chance you are eligible to receive a Apple iPhone 7.


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