"If you don't have good dreams, Bagel, you got nightmares,” Mickey Rourke, “Diner”
My own dreams entail being able to run around downtown without hordes of people from the South by Southwest music festival, but since that won’t happen this weekend, I think I’ll pick some out of the way places which are equally as fun and definitely cheaper. Besides, the NCAA basketball tournament is in full swing and my bets are made, so it’s time to see what pays off.
But before I slide out of work and towards a Sports Bar without lunatics screaming (impossible, I know), let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Three people were arrested and six others hurt this past week after a near riot broke out from huge crowds waiting to audition for the next installment of “America’s Next Top Model,” police said. The panic left the street outside the hotel littered with shoes and clothing, according to news reports.
"It was pretty scary," Jessica Paravati told WNYW-TV. Police were unsure what prompted the chaos involving hundreds of people outside the Park Central New York hotel in Manhattan.
It was rumored that Tyra Banks started the stampede when she became enraged that the crowd was blocking her access to a mirror.
A Los Angeles judge quashed an arrest warrant for Lindsay Lohan Monday after the document had been issued for Lohan’s alleged failure to comply with terms of her probation.
Judge Marsha N. Revel determined that the actress has been compliant, but needs to show her treatment program better documentation to avoid future court problems. The judge also noted that Lohan has not failed any drug or alcohol tests.
Lohan pleaded guilty in August 2007 to two misdemeanor counts of being under the influence of cocaine; no contest to two counts of driving with a blood-alcohol level above 0.08 percent and one count of reckless driving. She was sentenced to three years of probation.
In keeping Lindsay out of her courtroom, the judge fell in line with the rest of the viewing public who don’t care to see any trace of Lohan either.
Charlie Sheen, 43, and his wife, Brooke Mueller Sheen, welcomed twin sons this week, according to Sheen’s spokesman. Brooke, 31,had been hospitalized in February because of premature contractions, but the boys are reportedly healthy. 
Sheen himself was overjoyed, though he admitted his preference was for twin girls, preferably blonde and in their mid-20s who also work as escorts.
In other twin news, Adult movie star Jenna Jameson and her Ultimate Fighter boyfriend are also new parents of twins, according to Us magazine.
Jameson, 34, delivered two baby boys on Monday morning, the magazine reported. "They're in very good health," her rep told the magazine.
I’m thrilled for Jenna, however, her boys will never replace her other set of twins in my own heart.
Jessica Simpson was booed by a concert crowd in Irvine, California this week after repeatedly forgetting lyrics to her songs.
The OC Register reported that the audience began booing after Simpson tripped over the words while belting out the ditty "Still Don't Stop Me." Earlier, Simpson screwed up the opening lines of “Remember That."
It was unclear whether the crowd was booing Simpson’s lack of preparation or her inability to recognize irony.
Kanye West was charged with misdemeanor battery, grand theft and vandalism over the videotaped destruction of a paparazzo's camera during an altercation last year at the Los Angeles airport.
During the incident, which occurred in September and was filmed by TMZ, a video showed West breaking the flash of a photographer's camera inside a terminal, and his manager breaking the camera itself and accosting TMZ's videographer. West faces 2 1/2 years in jail if convicted.
I’m not certain if West will be convicted on these charges, however, if they also prosecute him for being an egomaniacal asshole, then he’ll be found guilty as charged.
LeeAnn Rimes’s denied reports this week that she has been cheating on husband Dean Sheremet with actor Eddie Cibrian, but also posted a statement on her official Web Site asking for support.
She posted: "This is a difficult time for me and my loved ones, but I appreciate all your continued support." 
Rimes later elaborated that it’s a difficult time “for me to continue cheating because now everyone knows about it.”
But let’s not end with infidelity, and instead, focus on a gold image or two:
I hate when I squeeze a pair of breasts and butterflies shoot out and break my concentration. So, stay free from distractions today, keep your eye on the prize and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
That Tyra comment had me cracking up. I love how "The Soup" makes fun of her endlessly. What is with everyone having twins lately? Or eight kids? ha
Finally, that woman really needs to wash her bra if she had all those larvae just waiting to hatch into butterflies. ha Pesky things...
Have a good, safe weekend.
Wow. Amazing job. I can't really add anything more to your commentary. You've "Out-Heffed" me. The Tyra portion was spot-on.
Have a great weekend.
Jlee - I agree 100% about the Soup, and I can't stand Tyra Banks as she seems like a crazed narcassist (sp?) who deserves to be made fun of. Ha. But don't bag on the Butterflies as it was simply a miracle and I don't want to think of those things residing in there for very long. Happy Friday.
Heff - Thank you. I knew this day would come. I'd like to thank . . . I'll save it because there will be other Fridays soon enough. Ha. Have a good weekend Heff.
You'd better "thank the Academy" now, as I plan to up my game next Friday, lol !
I hope your tournament picks pay out. This is the first year in as long as I can remember that I didn't fill out a bracket. I feel a bit lost this week.
That Charlie Sheen joke was wrong on so many levels, but oh so funny.
Is it just me, or does Jenna look a little too phony. She doesn't look like a human anymore. She looks like an alien, a really, really, really sexy alien. I mean, wow, that's an alien I wouldn't mind, you know, probing. But a part of me is kinda moving towards a more human preference. It's like I want to mate with the female of my species instead of the female of some other species. Is that normal?
Heff - Ha. Yep, but it will be a good, long week of glory.
Native Minnow - Oh man, I would feel lost myself. I nailed 15 out of 16 games yesterday, which was easily my best start ever. Today will probably turn ugly, but it's still a lot of fun - at least I enjoy it. As for Sheen, that was the only joke that came to my mind. Ha. Happy Friday.
WhatIgot - She does now. That pic I used was a few years old, and now, she fits your description pretty damn well. I think it's just the porn star evolution as they age and get plastic surgery at a bizarre pace that doesn't match up with most of society. As for mating normally, I think that qualifies, but it's all relative, eh? Have a good weekend.
Hey! Happy Friday! First day of Spring & it was snowing here. Ha!
Happy Friday and I replied to you over at my place...
So, I can't help myself, but I LOVE Lohan. She's a hot mess, train wreck, and I just can't seem to look away.
Tyra needs to hang it up. (Her television career, I mean.) Seriously, how many Top Models has she had now? I haven't seen one of them in any add, anywhere.
And something about Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson as a couple sorta makes me sick to my stomach.
But I loved your Charlie Sheen remarks. I actually did LOL.
Sorry you have to put up with music festival carnies all weekend.
Cheers - and I keep me updated with how you do in your bracket.
Nobich – Happy Friday to you, especially on the first Snow day of Spring. Ha. That’s terrible. It’s 78 degrees & sunny in Austin. Sorry I had to mention that . . . But have a good weekend.
Kmwthay – I’ll be over to check on the reply, I can listen to stories about Lohan far easier than I can with Banks (and I’ve never seen her show either), it seems somehow fitting that a Fighting Champion and Porn Star should be together, the Sheen joke was in poor taste but too easy to pass up, and I’ll deal with the carnies as it’s good for the city (just bad for restaurant/bar wait times). Happy Friday.
What does Jessica Simpson do all day? She can't spend some time learning the words of her songs?
Pffffft.
Today is a big day - Heff has been out "Quick Hit-d" As you said, you knew this day would come.
Enjoy your weekend.
Only Jenna Jameson could make Jessica Simpson look flat chested. And it's pretty sad when even Jenna James is more talented. Say what you will but at least Jameson was very very good at what she did.
The pictures were back up to your usual standards this week. Nicely done.
And enjoy a little smug sense of superiority over the tourists this week. Being a local gives you an edge so enjoy it. It always helped me get through Marathon week and the 4th of July when I was in Boston. ;)
Lots of crazy clevage shots this week. Good thing, cuz celeb news was crap this week. I like the Diner quote. I've got another vintage Rorke film for this weekend, Pope of Greenwich Village. Enjoy the basketball and Happy Friday!
Boxer - I could speculate all kinds of things that might fill Simpson's day, however, I don't want to be mean as its against my nature. Ha. And yes, it was only a matter of time before HEff was mine. Happy Friday.
Bostonpobble - I would agree with your Jameson assesment versus Simpson as Jenna was at the top of her game for many years, although those are largely behind her now. Selah. I'm glad the pictures stepped it up once again as I had to respond after being called out last week. Ha. Have a great weekend Pobble & I'll develop a bit of smugness down South.
Linda - A classic . . . I haven't seen that one in years, but Eric Roberts was actually good in that one too. It was a lot of cleavage this week, but I guess some weeks fall that way sometimes. Happy Friday.
Kanye's music is alright (I'm being generous here) but he seems like such a dick that it doesn't even matter.
Cheers to avoiding the hordes of people!!
you didn't mention the natasha richardson death? that had me really freaked....so sad! but quite a downer for your edition I know. when is lindsay finally going back to rehab? it is just a matter of time. is she even acting anymore? how do these people make a living?
I've actually heard of all the subjects this week. That's a first.
Ruf checked the squeezing problem and I can assure you that no butterflies come out of my breasts when you squeeze them... but then mine arent gold either so maybe that makes the difference :P
I love coming to your Friday hits, it reminds me that life really has gone mental when such stupid dullards are considered front page news just because they've managed to procreate successfully. *sigh*
Miss Ash - I did manage to avoid most of them, and had a good weekend. Strangely enough, Kanye performed a suprise show during SXSW . . . the irony, eh? Ha.
Vivavavoom - Lohan isn't doing much acting these days, but I think I read she gets paid to be at clubs or something. Seriously. And yeah, that Richardson story was just sad, so I didn't want to include it here as I rarely stray into the mortality realm. It's Friday, so I try to keep it light.
Chef Troll - That is a first as you seem to usually bat around .500 . . . Maybe it's the start of a new streak.
Havingmycake - Ha. I had to laugh at your last paragraph, and you're right as you just have to shake your head sometimes. And thanks for providing some validation that a firm squeeze won't necessarily cause butterflies to eject. Ha.