“I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.” – Harvey Korman, “Blazing Saddles” 
I want a personal chef, a bartender, an absentee boss, a masseuse and a soft place to fall, but I think I’ll settle for a couple of breakfast tacos and a quick yet efficient day at the office. So, before I hit the road by 3 p.m. for greener pastures, let’s look at the hard stories of the week such as:
Taylor Swift was relishing her win for best female video at the MTV Video Music Awards this past Sunday when Kanye West grabbed the microphone from her to announce that Beyonce, who was also nominated, should have won because her "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" was "one of the best videos of all time."
A stunned Swift didn't get to finish her acceptance speech. The crowd booed West, who shortly after was asked to leave the show and left the building.
"I was standing on the stage and I was really excited because I had just won the award," Swift said after Sunday's show at Radio City Music Hall. "And then I was really excited because Kanye West was on the stage. And then I wasn't so excited anymore after that."
I’ve got no line for this one other than a plea for someone to kick West’s ass onstage at some future awards show because he’s simply an incredible, incurable douchebag.
Jessica Simpson’s year keeps getting worse as she announced Monday evening that her dog was taken and eaten by a coyote. Seriously.
“My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes,” Jessica Tweeted on Monday evening. “HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!” The Simpson family made a poster in an attempt to get their dog back with a picture of the star’s beloved malti-poo and a request to email in any information on the dog’s whereabouts. 
The dog’s whereabouts are in the stomach of the coyote – now where do I apply for the reward?
Singer Whitney Houston told Oprah Winfrey on her show Monday that life with former husband Bobby Brown descended into a nightmare of drugs and fights, and that at one point he painted "evil" eyes on the walls of their home.
Houston, 46, also told Winfrey that her and Brown's drug-of-choice was marijuana mixed with cocaine. Houston said that during the couple's narcotics-filled days, Brown would break glass objects in their home, and at one point he began painting eyes in their bedroom.
"Evil eyes that were looking at every point in the room," Houston said. She added that Brown would paint on rugs, walls and closet doors, and that he used spray-paint.
When reached for comment, Brown declared that “it’s My Perogative if I want to paint evil eyes in my own damn house. Now, do you got any weed or not?”
Under the heading of yet another Jon and Kate Gosselin story, a former nanny - Stephanie Santoro – told In Touch magazine this week that she had sex with Jon nine times.
Santoro, 23, told the magazine that Jon’s seduction began with a request of: "Can you rub my shoulders? Now, can I rub yours?" which led to a hot-tub seduction. On their first night together, Jon allegedly told Santoro: "Whatever you do, don't fall in love with me, because it's going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you."
Santoro later said about Jon’s sexual prowess: "he wasn't terrible, but it wasn't the best I ever had."
If Jon Gosselin is the best that anyone has ever had, then I feel very, very sorry for that person.
County music star Toby Keith was voted songwriter/artist of the decade by the Nashville Songwriters Association International this week.
Keith will be honored Oct. 18 for his hits "Courtesy of the Red, White And Blue (The Angry American)," "Who's Your Daddy?," "As Good As I Once Was" and "God Love Her."
Keith was obviously competing against nobody else in winning this award.
Soon-to-be-divorced Sean Penn made several public appearances in New York recently with Jessica White, a 25-year-old Sports Illustrated swimsuit model.
The pair were spotted getting intimate at dinner, according to the Daily News. "They were holding hands," an unnamed witness said "They seemed really into each other. She was laying on him. She was laying on his shoulder. He seemed really into her."
Penn and actress Robin Wright Penn filed for divorce in August after 13 years of marriage. Robin Wright filed divorce papers in Marin County, Calif., citing "irreconcilable differences." 
I’d say their “ irreconcilable differences” were rooted in Penn’s desire to sleep with swimsuit models, although that is merely a guess as I have no legal background.
Burt Reynolds has been released from a drug rehabilitation center where he was being treated for an addiction to painkillers, his manager said Wednesday.
The star of "Smokey and the Bandit," "Deliverance" and "Boogie Nights" began struggling after recent back surgery and "realized that he was in the prison of prescription pain pills," his manager Erik Kritzer said in a statement.
His manager, meanwhile, is locked in the asylum for aloof alliteration.
Harrison Ford, 67, said this week that ready for Indiana Jones’s next cinematic adventure, and that the next chapter is already being scripted.
"The story for the new 'Indiana Jones' is in the process of taking form," Ford told France's Le Figaro. "Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and myself are agreed on what the fifth adventure will concern, and George is actively at work. If the script is good, I'll be very happy to put the costume on again."
If the script is bad, they will simply remake “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”
As always, let’s end with a gold image or two: 
I’m all for taking a nap or strolling through the fields, whether alone or with friends. So, whether you are taking it easy or exercising, fully clothed or half naked . . . . Happy Friday!
- BDS
{Editor’s Note: R.I.P. Patrick Swayze}
If your only claim to fame was being the guy that stuffed Kate so many times that she popped out a litter of little shits, then what would be your incentive to be a good lay.
I think Taylor should have given a Swift kick to Kanye's ass. *groan*
haha I would have paid good money for that.
I like the "asylum for aloof alliteration" hhaha
After viewing the last Gold Image, I think I'm going to go pick berries or something...
Happy Friday :)
WIGSF - A fair point. But we should all strive to be the best we can be in the bedroom. Ha. Happy Friday.
Jlee - Oh no, and I love puns . . . Ha. But I would have paid to see that myself. Thanks on the alliteration and find some friends and pick whatever you wish. Happy Friday.
Kanye loves fishsticks.
Houston emerges from smog.
Sean's a closet queen.
NOT SO QUICK HEFF FRIDAY !!!
Blazing Saddles - one of my ALL TIME favorites !
Kanye "Pest" SAYS he's going to take some "time off" after that "Swift" episode. HOPEFULLY his word is as good regarding that statement as it is for personally screwing himself. If so, we MAY have something here !
If Jessica Simpson needs anything else eaten, tell her to give Heff a call !
Whitney Houston's "highest point" was The Soup's "Kiss Mah Ass!!" clip. She'll never ascend any higher than that.
Did anyone film this infidelity ??? Should we expect a somewhat pornographic Reality Show called "Jon & Stephanie = 9" ?
Regarding Toby Keith, this award MUST'VE been sponsored by FORD, because he's NOT "As Good As He Once Was" !
"Irreconcilable differences" ? Damn, that's overused.... I think when ANYONE divorces Sean Penn, they should simply be allowed to cite "I HATE that Motherfucker".
At least Burt Reynolds is no longer in the "prison of Loni Anderson", although Heff probably wouldn't mind being "locked up" with her a few times....
The new Indiana Jones title has JUST BEEN RELEASED !!!
Harrison Ford will star in : "Indiana Jones : Struggle In The Geriatric Temple Of Porcelain" ! I've heard it's going to be a true fight for him, and he's PISSED OFF ! I can't wait !
Re : The last Gold image : I THINK THAT FIELD NEEDS PLOWING !!!
Word Verification : "parti" - no shit.
Have a great weekend, BDS !
Haiku Master - I have yet to see that reported with West, Houston seems to be coming out of the fog and I tend to doubt that about Penn, although he was very good in 'Milk.' Happy Friday.
Heff - Appreciate the tardy detail, ha, so . . . just bought 'Saddles' on Blu Ray this week, hadn't heard that about West but hopefully it's true, that's pretty funny about Simpson as I missed that line, agree about Houston as that clip is always funny, don't want to see that show - ever, Ford might be the sponsor, irr difference is way, way too overused, I would jump in there with Anderson too (even now, mabye), I'll skip the new Indiana flick in that case (even on DISH) and the plowing line was tops. Way to finish strong.Happy Friday Heff.
You're not earning that salary I'm paying you to keep me abreast of SECRETARIAT MOVIE developments.
Missed the Open Casting Call. And had to find out that Diane Lane is a skank married to a Brolin on my own.
That was truly appalling behaviour on Kanye West's behalf and must have been very embarrassing for Beyonce and humiliating for Taylor. He may as well have kicked a kitten. Asshat.
Loved that second pic. I'll go berry picking with you JLee but I'll be wearing a kaftan.
Have an awesome weekend B.
Troll Y2K - You're right as I had to follow yr. blog link for the SECRETARIAT MOVIE casting call to see for myself. But I think Lane would be fine for the role in general, although I don't like the fact that she's with Brolin in real life. Brolin should kill his part as he's been on a role these past few years. Will work on getting more on top of this project despite my neutrality about the subject matter.
Gypsy - Asshat. Ha. That's a good term that isn't used often enough in my mind. I will try to correct that. And enjoy the berry picking - kaftan or not - as it's warm enough in TX that you don't need one at the moment. Happy Friday.
hahah...Heff is in rare form!
Gypsy, no Kaftans allowed in the berry field ;)
I love how Pink called Kanye "the biggest piece of shit on earth....quote me!!"
I love her!
As for Jon G. bleh! You know how I watch shitty TV I've never seen an episode of their bloody show and I also fast foward snippets of them on TMZ. I'm too cool for Jon and Kate! Does anybody really give a shit about them? If I was the nanny and that was true...I would have paid him not to tell anyone. Like who wants to shout to the world, I fucked a total loser??
Blazing Saddles is possibly the funniest movie ever made.
Your "I want" list is excellent but missing a manicurist, although I will grant that is possibly *my* list and I'm getting the two confused.
I've been waiting for your take on West/Swift. For a while I thought maybe he had some personal demons; I'm beginning to think you're right and he's just a douchebag.
Why would anyone marry Sean Penn in the first place? Cast him, yes. Watch him, yes. Marry him, oh God no.
And nicely handled on Swayze.
Have a great weekend. Enjoy the time off.
Oh man, I haven't seen Blazing Saddles in years. I must revisit in the near future.
I've heard some people say that some local radio stations have banned Kanye songs from their air waves. That makes me happy.
I still think Whitney is on some drugs. I caught part of that interview, and she is still out of it a bit. It was almost as if she was making things up on the spot. Very weird.
Have a good weekend. Am checking out the new Matt Damon tonight. Very excited.
I'm with Heff, BLAZING SADDLES is still number uno on my list of best comedies. Punching a horse? Bwahahahahah. Brilliant/stupid comedy. My favorite kind.
What a news week, I got nothing to add except I didn't know about Jessica Simpson losing her dog (so you're actually providing NEWS here) and that made me sad for her.
Enjoy your football this weekend..... I'm thinking there will be ANOTHER drunk viking post on Monday so why don't you just write it now? bwhahaahahahah.
Best fallout from the VMA drama is the creative and varied use of the words ass and douchebag. The good news was that Taylor Swift and Beyonce proved that they are class acts. I vote that West is banned from future awards shows, or seated in a locked room so he cannot have access to the stage or microphones. ** jackass ** Have a great weekend and Happy Friday!
Jlee - Indeed he is. Ha. And yes, keep your standards high for the field. Enjoy it.
Miss Ash - You're cursing like a sailor today. Ha. But you're right as I liked that quote from Pink, agree about Jon/Kate as they are only good for QHF fodder and I wouldn't talk about it either. Have a great weeekend.
Bostonpobble - 'Saddles' works on so many levels and all of them are hilarious. I should have included someone to give me a pedicure as I hate cutting my toenails . . . As for West, I stopped giving him the benefit of the doubt long ago. And I would like to have some beers with Penn, and you're probably right about living with him for the long term. Write well and Happy Friday (804 for me today).
Kmwthay - That makes me glad too about the radio stations. Jackass. And yes, I plan revisit 'Saddles' this weekend because it's been years for me as well. Houston did a lot of drugs, so I figure she's bound to be a bit scattered for a long time (maybe forever). I will be checking out the Informant myself (tomorrow), so check back next week for a review. Happy Friday.
Boxer - I know. 'Saddles' is just phenomenal, and I bought it on Blu Ray this week and plan to watch it this weekend as it's been far too long. And I knew when I wrote the Simpson story that it wouldn't sit well with you (not that it does with me, but you know what I mean). As for the Viking, he can only produce so much material, so maybe an advance is called for. Happy Friday.
Linda - Flew by you in Cyberspace . . . I agree completely with everything you said about West. They should duct-tape him to a pole for future awards shows with a gag in his mouth and just let people slap him as they walk by. That might be a bit extreme, actually. Ha. Happy Friday.
I'd have a beer with Penn, as well. Just not as his wife.
804. Sweet! You do realize don't you that you have finished your days work before I am even awake? TTG for cyberspace because I wouldn't look forward to phone calls.
Happy Friday everyone!!
Bostonpobble - That seems fair enough to me as one long, drunken night would make for good material anyway. Ha. And we all write on our own schedules as I have to get mine done early as I get worse and worse as the day goes on . . . at least for constructing sentences. Finally, Twitter is perfect because I hate the phone anyway. Ha.
Nobich - Happy Friday to you. ENjoy it.
I know it's hot in Texas B but there is no way I am standing naked next to JLee in a berry field or anywhere else for that matter :) I know when I'm beat so it's neck to ankles for me.
Gypsy - It's your decision, but I think you should really consider the weather & the ease of berry picking when making your final choice. Ha.