“Maybe it was a dream then, you know... a very weird... bizarre... vivid... erotic... wet... detailed dream. Maybe we had malaria” – Anthony Michael Hall, ‘Weird Science’
I had a dream that I don’t have in-laws visiting this weekend, but somehow, I can’t seem to wake up. Oh well, these things happen and before I leave the office to hide any incriminating evidence at my loft, let’s look at the hard stories of the short week such as:
Fox announced Wednesday that Ellen DeGeneres will become the new fourth judge on ‘American Idol’ this coming season, replacing Paula Abdul who left ‘Idol’ over the summer due to a salary dispute.
DeGeneres simultaneously announced the news on her Twitter feed and during a taping of her daytime talk show.
"This is so exciting for me," DeGeneres said. "We've been dealing with this for the last couple of weeks and I've been dying to tell everyone. It's just been so hard to keep it a secret and we just finally got the OK, and I'm so excited. It is going to be so much fun," she added. "I don't know how it happened myself but I have not missed one episode of that show. I've watched every single thing. I love everything about it and I love music, as you know." 
When reached for her response, Abdul said “As you know, I love Ellen and the show and pistachios and wish that raisons were more readily available . . . I’ve got a new show myself. What was the question again?”
Nicole Richie and Joel Madden added a baby boy to their family Wednesday.
The couple named their newborn son Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Sparrow is the second child for Richie and Madden. Their daughter, Harlow, will be 2 in January.
You know what they say, birds of a feather . . . give their kids really stupid names.
Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner filed for divorce this week from the estranged wife – Kimberly Conrad – as the pair have been legally married since 1989, although separated since January 1998.
Hefner, 83, filed court documents seeking to end his marriage to former Playmate Conrad, 47, citing irreconcilable differences.
Conrad also cited the fact that Hefner continually slept with a revolving line-up of 20-year-old blondes and then taped the encounters for a TV show as reason for the final split.
Tyra Banks showed her real hair on the season debut of her TV talk show on Tuesday.
On the fifth-season premiere of ‘The Tyra Banks Show,” the former supermodel went on-camera with as Banks put it, "no wigs, extensions, no nothing" for the show where she also interviewed women with insecurities about their own hair.
Unfortunately for the other women, Banks only asked them foropinions about Bank’s own hair and the show ended before Tyra could ask about anyone except herself.
Jon Gosselin upped the verbal ante with Kate Gosselin this week when he told ‘Good Morning America’ that he despises his estranged wife and believes that she stole his wedding ring.
Jon told ABC News' Chris Cuomo on the GMA that his evidence for the theft is that he set down his ring one day and it vanished. He says no one else could have taken it. He also accuses Kate of verbally abusing him and beating him down during their marriage.
I wish more people would follow Kate’s example and continue to beat Jon down – physically if possible – as that is one reality show I might actually watch.
Lindsay Lohan has a new role as an artistic adviser to the French fashion house Emanuel Ungaro.
Ungaro is paring the actress with new designer Estrella Archs as the beginning of what it calls a new consumer-led business model. Ungaro CEO and president Mounir Moufarrige said Lohan will give an "electric shock" to a label that has aged along with its customers.
The only ‘electric shocks’ that usually come from associating with Lohan is the Taser gun from police officers, so this will be a nice change of pace.
Megan Fox slammed the door to ever finding her in a leaked sex tape when she told MTV this week that the thought disgusted her.
The 23-year-old 'Jennifer's Body' starlet said: "Ugh, never!" ... That's the last thing I want to see -- what I look like having sex," Fox exclaimed. "It would take one shot of me not looking good and I would not be able to have sex ever again, because I would always just see myself looking like a hippo having sex."
Personally, I would have sex with a hippo simply to watch a tape of Fox having sex, but that’s just me . . . {Editor’s Note: Or is it?}
As always, let’s end with a gold image or two: 
I don’t worry with the three’s a crowd distinction as numbers are often meaningless when clothing is being shed. So, feel free to lend an extra hand or tie one behind somebody today, have fun regardless of the company you keep and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
I don't get to see American Idol but I wish I did now because I love Ellen DeGeneres. I'd say it's a big improvement on Paula as Ellen can at least string a coherent sentence together AND she's very funny too. WIN WIN.
Poor little Sparrow Madden...I think that may even be worse than Apple Martin.
Maybe I'm naive but really, why would all those young women want to even kiss Hugh Hefner never mind do the rumpy pumpy? It just makes my flesh crawl. Surely being rich doesn't over ride the fact that he's fracking 83 years old? Ugh....shudder.
Get a load of that birds nest on Tyra's head....I have to say though, she is SO brave to do that and prove to us mere mortals that without all the air brushing,they (supermodels) are just like the rest of us.
Super round up this week B and I'm getting ideas from that last pic. Hope you have a great weekend.
Gypsy - Appreciate the detail, so Degeneres can certainly put together a coherant thought which will help (although I don't know what she knows about music per se), I agree about Sparrow although Apple might still be the worst (just barely. Ha.), I think you underestimate the power of money and fame as far as sleeping with Heff, had to laugh and agree about Tyra and figured you'd like that last pic as I included it mostly for the female readers. I give Gypsy. Ha. Happy Friday.
QUICK HEFF FRIDAY !
Ellen Degenerate on American Idol ? Oh shit - Prepare for lame dancing to be added to an already LAME SHOW !!
I'm surprised Nicole Ritchie didn't name the kid "Druggy Midnight Madden" - it seems more appropriate.
Thanks for the heads up on Hefner, as I hadn't heard about that. I'm sure adultery wasn't an issue AT ALL !
As far as The Tyra Banks Show goes, I'll tune in once the ratings finally flounder, and she goes for broke by exposing her REAL BREASTS.
Regarding Jon & Kate, I WISH SOMEONE WOULD STEAL THEIR 15 MINUTES !!!!
Excellent job on Lohan - You got me.
(Patiently waiting for Megan Fox's career & popularity to slip so she'll EAT those words.......)
And in closing, Are you planning on having a "Gold Image" weekend ?
Good Luck with that.
BTW - Word Verification : "FARGIN", A "Johnny Dangerously" reference, LMAO !!!
- Heff
Heff - Nice work today, so I didn't watch 'Idol' before and I won't start now, you're right as the name change being more appropriate, I just saw the Hefner thing yesterday so I think it's fairly new (not the adultery), forgot Tyra claimed to be au natural in that department, agree completely about Jon and Kate as that was a good line, thanks on Lohan, with you on Fox, I always try (and usually fail) for a gold image weekend and hadn't thought of 'Dangerously' in years. Ha. Great stuff. Happy Friday.
Ellen might be good on AI. She certainly has a large long-term fan-base.
I see 3 different futures for the Madden spawn depending on what they actually use for it's call name:
1) Sparrow Madden: Junkie Tranvestite Hooker eking out a living giving hummers to migrants in Fresno.
2) Midnight Madden: Successful Tranvestite Junkie Entertainer in New Las Vegas.
3) James Madden: Accountant by day, tranvestite junkie by night.
The long delay in Hef's divorce proceedings was because he forgot she existed. Judging from recent appearances, he's also forgotten that denture cleaners and soap exist.
Lindsay Lohan is SO 2007. She won't give a hip/now/happening vibe to ancient French clothing firm, Ungaro. They should pick a brainless skank who's peak is right now. Someone like...
Megan (uber-skank) Fox. Who is demonstratably dumber than any hippo.
Got nothing on the rest. Have a nice Christ-Centered weekend.
Great quote..I'll have to revisit that movie sometime since I barely remember seeing it. Maybe I didn't? Geez, I'm getting old!
I'm excited about Degeneres since she was hysterical as a guest judge on "So You Think You Can Dance" and often said very little about the performance itself. lol
I think Sparrow is going to get his little bird ass kicked in grade school for sure...
I despise Kate Gosselin's HAIR and finally, thanks for the female reader friendly last image!
Have a good weekend.
Troll Y2K - Thanks for the detail, and I think Ellen will probably do well on the show as she's generally good at what she does, I liked the future Sparrow choices except I might have substituted Elko for Fresno and chosen option number 1 for him (maybe), Heff is getting old enough now that simply getting up is cause for celebration and hold the soap, Lohan smacks of pure desparation and being out of touch as you noted to the times, and Fox isn't bright but she's attractive. Happy Friday.
Jlee - I haven't seen it for a long while either. I think I own it on DVD (need to check). Didn't realize Ellen had been on 'Dance' and I laughed and agree 100% about Sparrow getting his ass kicked and feathers ruffled in school (bad pun I know). You're welcome on the image as I try to maintain a karmic balance around here. Ha. Happy Friday.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm willing to dress up as a hippo and offer myself, sexually, to Megan Fox so that the sex tape produced will make Megan look flattering by comparison. That's right. I'm that generous.
Ellen on Idol means that they are getting desparate for ratings. I'm with you - what does she really know about music other than she really likes to dance?
I don't get naming your kids some weird, unsusal name. But Sparrow is less weird than some I've heard recently.
Agree with Gypsy about ole Heff. Not sure any amount of money could make me sleep with an old man. But then again, I've not had any offers either.
I just get the feeling that Tyra is just trying to stay in the spotlight somehow, seeing as how I've never seen any of her Top Model's do anything outside of her show.
I can't bash Lins. I'm a fan of that train wreck.
Megan the hippo? I don't ever see how she will look like a hippo.
Happy weekend.
I don't watch American Idol cause well it sucks but I do find Ellen rather funny.....so......never say never.
And that last photo is tres sexy!! Hmmmm......nice visual to start the weekend! Have a great one but don't forget to hide the plastic ... well you know...dong
Who knew that Hef was still married? Is age 47 when a guy trades up? I've got four months... should I be watching my husband for telltale signs, like blondes in the guest room?
I loved Weird Science.
I was happy to hear Ellen G. was picked as the new judge - mostly because after so many seasons of Paula and Simon, it was getting stale. Actually, thanks to Tivo I haven't had to listen to Paula A. for about two years. I won't miss her.
I honestly don't think any woman has really touched Hugh H. in about a decade. Have you seen those pictures of him out at clubs? He's sound asleep and it's 10:00 p.m.
Have a gret weekend!
I have never given a thought to what Tyra Banks' real hair looks like.
Jon Gosseling is an annoying little man. I'm all for a public bitch-slap for that one.
Is it me, or does Lohan look worse every time we see her? Not sure I want her fashion advice.
I wonder if Megan Fox sits around thinking up outrageous things to say to the media? I hope so, she cracks me up in interviews. Especially when the reporter is male and just drools and nods at whatever she says.
Sparrow's parents have insured that he will get his ass kicked in school by giving him that name.
Enjoy the in-laws and your weekend. Happy Friday!
WIGSF – You are one generous Canadian man. Ha. Hell, I would still watch that video if Fox were in it. Feel free to send the offer to her publicist. Happy Friday.
Kmwthay – Appreciate the detail, so ‘Idol’ probably needed some new blood as staleness has sit in after that many years and it might just work, do you really know any kid named Sparrow (?) Ha, it would be a high price tag for me in the opposite situation but never say never, Tyra is just flat-out annoying, Lohan provides so much fodder for QHF that I can’t think too harshly of her either, a Fox will never turn into a hippo and Happy Friday to you.
Miss Ash – Ellen is usually good for some laughs, but I still won’t watch ‘Idol’ though I’ll probably see clips on ‘The Soup’ or something like that. Thought the last pic would be good for a large portion of my audience & glad you liked it. And I’ve already hidden the worst of it . . . I’m a professional . Ha. Happy Friday.
Wendy – Nobody knew Heff was still married. I think he and Kimberly forgot too (though she was living in a guest house next to the Mansion so maybe not . . . ) I don’t think there’s an age for trading up or down, so I wouldn’t worry about it at all unless, as you noted, a quartet of blondes starts holding slumber parties in your extra bedroom. Ha. Happy Friday.
Boxer – Yeah, ‘Science’ is a good one and I haven’t seen it in a long, long time. I think Ellen will be good for ‘Idol’ as she’s generally articulate and funny and will soften Cowell, so it seems like a fine enough choice to me. Hugh bragged about Viagra helping him these past few years and I swear Kendra admitted sleeping with him, but I might be wrong. But an 83 (?) year old man should be asleep at 10 p.m. Hell, I’m asleep at 10 p.m. most nights during the week. Ha. Happy Friday & live up the solo tour in the Pacific NW.
Linda – Thanks for the detail, so you and me both on Tyra’s hair, agree 100% on Jon as he has surpassed Kate in the annoying category, Lohan does look worse and skinnier and unhealthy so it’s not yr. imagination, Fox needs to stop giving so many interviews even though she is usually good for some ridiculous quote (or 6) in every single one of them, Sparrow better start training early in the martial arts to ward off the attacks which are sure to come and Happy Friday to you.
I doubt if the Idol brains trust have hired her for her musical expertise and I'm sure Ellen would be the first to be aware of that. As JLee said, she was hilarious on SYTYCD and just told all the contestants they were great after she had delivered a mini monologue...lol.
I love money as much as the next person but NO amount of money would convince me to sleep with that creepy old man. I would scavange food from a dumpster in order to eat before I'd go down that road. Ewwww....I just made myself shudder again.
Great post today/ Happy Friday !!
Gypsy - You are probably right about Ellen and JLee too . . . I just hope she has some insightful things to add among the laughs which are more than likely to happen. And let's hope you don't have to accept money to sleep with senior citizens OR scavenger around in the dumpster anytime soon. Ha. Have a great weekend.
Nobich - Thanks as maybe every week should be a short one . . . Ha. Happy Friday to you.