Blog Archive

Clean Me Out . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Tuesday, September 01, 2009

I started cleaning my garage on Sunday after the swell of items collected inside the walls threatened to overtake the cars which also shared the collective space and which had formed an uneasy alliance over the past few years.

There is next to no storage in my loft, so most things find there way to the garage since I attempt to stamp out interior clutter with an Iron Fist. The garage, however, has remained a separate issue. It’s amazing how much random shit – and I mean that as most of it should have already been thrown or given away – one can accumulate once you live somewhere for a few years.

The sheer magnitude of the task had made me put it off for a long time. But I couldn’t avoid it any longer once the stacks grew so high that a horrible chain reaction would occur if one of them ever fell.

This kind of project is a major time suck. I’m still not even close to done after spending several hours Sunday and a few more after work yesterday attacking the mound. There is simply too much stuff. And a lot of it I don’t even remember how or when I acquired it.

For instance, I recall getting this giant stuffed tiger as a gift, but can’t recall from whom. But he’s been around for awhile, and I have justified keeping him through the rationalization that he guards the garage from intruders, a stance which is probably not true.

The problem with this task is that it’s easy to get distracted. You open one box to discover a hodge podge of old items, and suddenly, you find yourself thumbing through a photo album or baseball cards or a complete set of Movieline magazines which I still have even though that publication went out of business a long time ago.

When I opened my book cabinet, I found this sitting on one shelf:

I know why I have this, but have not idea why I placed it so prominently amongst a section of things which bear no reasonable similarity. Besides, it could lead to awkward explanations down the road if I went to let someone borrow “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” and their eyes went wide when it was shelved next to a veiny rubber penis. Then again, it might mean I wouldn’t have to lend out my books which would suit me just fine.

I’ve also found homemade hat racks, loads of Xmas decorations courtesy of my mother, honey, Girl Scout cookies, a snorkel, two piggy banks, and I’m not even half way done with the project.

A garage sale seems like far too much effort for too little money, so most of the contents will be bagged and delivered to Goodwill or the Salvation Army or something like that. But they won’t be getting my tiger or my penis because neither are particularly easy to replace.



  1. Heff Says:
  2. Well, that last sentence just blew my comment out of the water, because I wanted it. (The Tiger, NOT your penis)....

  3. kmwthay Says:
  4. Dude. I know you want to be rid of your stuff today, but you should seriously consider craigslist. It beats a garage sale because you don't have to get a permit. Or report your earnings. When we moved into our house from the duplex, I could not believe the amount of crap that I had accumulated over 8 years in the same place. I opted to try craigslist, and 90% of my junk was gone within 2 weeks. (and most of that was gone the first 2 days.) Plus, they come get it! The only work involved was posting the pictures and a discription. I also put reasonable prices on everything, and said cash only.

    It was easy peasy. I felt like I made a small fortune without doing anything.

  5. Heff - Ha, ha. I blew Heff out of the water. See, you can't saw or write that kind of stuff, it looks ridiculous. And I still like the Tiger as that is the exact one I have in the picture. Very regal. Ha.

    Kmwthay - I agree about Craig and his list. I've sold many things on there, and always had a good experience. If I have anything of value (i.e. something I can get at least $20 for), then it's worth the hassle. Easily. I love that they come get it even though that means you have to be home. I'll take some stuff to Goodwill for the tax receipt too, but Craig will get his due. :)

  6. wigsf Says:
  7. Have you ever had sex on top of the tiger?

  8. JLee Says:
  9. Glad Heff clarified that comment. ha
    My daughter has a giant leopard much like your tiger. When she was 2 or 3, we went to the state fair and when a friend with us failed to win her the leopard, she burst into tears. A nice man carrying one felt so sad for her, he gave her his. I thought it was so sweet. aawww

  10. WIGSF - No. Have you? Ha. It sounds a bit unwiedly and perverse to me . . .

    Jlee - That's a far better story than mine. I shed no tears for the Tiger, but I still like him all the same. Even if he is pretty damn big. And yes, clarification is always key, especially when leaving comments. Ha.

  11. Boxer Says:
  12. it's best just to dump that stuff as fast as you can - with me, the longer it stays after the "cleansing" the more time Mr. Boxer has to sort through it and say things like "heyyyyy, don't we need a broken coffee maker from 1980?" He's going to kill me one day when his pile falls on me.

  13. Linda Says:
  14. It gets easier as the stuff gets older. I've been in my house 30 years, and last fall I had a junk man come and empty my basement and garage. I clung to a few things, but I'll tell you, most of it was just junk. I too have trouble when I'm cleaning and start getting nostalgic, that's why I hired someone. Though the photos and essays my kids wrote in elementary school (I want to be president) are safe in a box in the house!

  15. BostonPobble Says:
  16. The tiger does indeed guard the garage. Why do you think you have yet to loan "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" or have the piles collapse down on top of you or Mrs. $$? It's a good thing you're keeping him AND cleaning out; sounds as if he deserves a bit of a break.

    As for the dildo, I have no doubt that you left it there so prominently because, seriously, what else does one do with a dildo when not using it, if not leave it for unsuspecting book borrowers to discover?

  17. Boxer - Ha. Yeah, my wife is actually far better than me about having a discerning eye for emptying out crap from the garage. I tend to lean the other way, hence the piles upon piles of stuff, so I can sympathize. I should just get really evil and move it all out quickly though.

    Linda - You should keep those. I house most of my scrapbook stuff at my parent's house as they have far more room for that kind of thing than I do. At least for now. But smart move hiring someone . . . wonder where someone like that would advertise services? Oh well, I'd be hovering over them if they came, so I might as well do it myself. Ha.

    Bostonpobble - I must admit that Tony (not original name, I know) has done a fine job to this point as I do have some sensitive information in there as well as the junk and nothing has disappeared. So, that is a very good thing indeed. As for the dildo, it was probably the shock value that caused me to put it there because unsuspecting book borrowers probably get what they deserve anyway. Ha. On a semi-related note, I just finished reading 'The Girl Who Played With Fire' last week (sequel to 'Tattoo.')

  18. Miss Ash Says:
  19. I gotta ask the obvious question...why do you have a rubber penis??

    As for the stuff, you should put some of it on freecycle, they must have one in your city and give the items away for free.

  20. Gypsy Says:
  21. That penis would make an awesome book end for the books you may or may not loan out to people.

  22. Miss Ash - Halloween costume. As a Flasher. Makes sense, eh? Ha. I've never heard of Freecycle, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist down here. I will probably give most of it away to Goodwhill.

    Gypsy - If only I had another one to bookend with .. . Ha. Good idea though.


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