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Toweling Off . . .

Posted by 2 Dollar Productions Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Showering and dressing for work at the gym is never a fun proposition, but rather, constitutes a necessary evil like mowing the lawn or reciprocating oral sex.

But I am forced to perform this ritual 4 – 5 times per week. I generally employ a see no evil, hear no evil philosophy during these times. But lately, an new person – an interloper with a hairy back – has gotten on my schedule and the worst part is that he doesn’t know how to properly use a towel.

This man is a little older, and if pressed, I would put him in the mid-40s to early 50s range. He’s got dark bushy hair on his head, and swaths of dark hair across his shoulders and upper back. I don’t care about that. What I do care about is that he chooses to drape his towel over one shoulder and stand in front of the mirror naked while blow drying or combing his hair or gargling with mouth wash.

And just to be clear, nobody looks good naked while gargling with mouth wash.

Other times, he will place the towel on a small ledge which extends out from the various mirrors. And once he simply left it sitting on the bench while went around naked as a jaybird. Basically, this guy has done everything with his towel except for wrapping it firmly around his waist where it belongs.

Luckily, I always dress on a different row, but it’s the principle of the matter that irritates me. At first I thought it was a fluke that he would do this. Now, I’m starting to wonder if nobody ever taught him the proper way to use a towel.

I’m considering printing out a sign and then sticking it to his locker for instructional help. The towel rules are simple, and there’s really only one of them: To use, place end around your waist, wrap the loose side until it connects again and tuck into the front.

I consider it a public service.



  1. Heff Says:
  2. Perhaps a custom towel with the "Scope" logo on it could help bring the point home.

  3. JLee Says:
  4. I never understood these people with a need to show others their (bad) nakedness, and you seem to encounter these hairy men wandering around quite a bit. Maybe if you walked around with clippers he would keep a safe distance from you. haha

  5. Heff - I wonder what something like that would cost? Oh hell, he wouldn't use it anyway as the guy seems allergic to draping a towel around his waist. Selah.

    Jlee - Exactly. He's not that hairy, but then again, I haven't closely examine him either. Ha. All I know is that he likes to stand in front of the mirror naked for reasons I cannot understand. I'll keep the clippers in mind . . .

  6. BostonPobble Says:
  7. What's the point of wandering around naked in public? Especially hairy and naked in public? Just...ewww... It's your bathroom curse again.

  8. wigsf Says:
  9. Soooo... if Megan Fox appeared at your front door wearing nothing but high heels and asked for some mouthwash...

  10. Bostonpobble - Some people are nudists at heart I guess. Ha. And I figure this kind of thing is bound to happen in locker rooms as it's just a law of averages thing. Unfortunately.

    WIGSF - You must have been waching my dreams last night. Ha. Different scenario entirely from the locker room . . . I'm prepared to make exceptions to the rule.

  11. Boxer Says:
  12. why can't they issue bathrobes? Or towel-like snuggies?

  13. Boxer Says:
  14. p.s. this happens in women's locker rooms too and it's NEVER the hot chick, trust me.

  15. kmwthay Says:
  16. "welcome to the junk show."

  17. Boxer - Dammit, dammit, dammit . . . I was hoping the flip side of this locker room coin was better. Ha. Oh well, sorry to hear it's no good for anyone. Unfortunately, bathrobes would be a little hot in the summer down here, which is half the year.

    Kmwthay - It's a show I could miss entirely & be a lot better off for it. Ha.

  18. TROLL Y2K Says:
  19. I had a guy at my gym who hung a robe outside the shower. He'd towel off in the shower room, grab the robe and cinch the belt.

    Then he'd walk over to the mirrors and take it off to shave and gargle and whatever.

    The general consensus was that mirrors were the motivation.

  20. Next time just roll up your towel and snap it into his ballsac. Tell him you'll continue to do so until he wraps up. That ought to do the trick.

  21. Miss Ash Says:
  22. That first paragraph had me laughing so hard....either I'm easy to amuse or you're one funny bastard!

    Why oh why are the people you hope to never see naked always the most comfortable strutting around sans clothing? You should just go up to him and wrap your towel around his waist and walk away.

  23. Troll Y2K - I think you might have hit the nail on the head with that theory. But whatever the rationale, it's just utterly ridiculous. Then again, hanging around locker rooms is never a good idea anyway.

    Native Minnow - That would be pretty dammn funny, although I would hate to get thrown out of my gym. Banned. Ha. Besides, I've never been able to snap a towel like that with any skill at all (and I've never understood why as it's not/shouldn't be that hard).

    Miss Ash - I think it's the latter. Ha. But I'm biased. And while I would like for this man to cover himself, I don't think I want to Volunteer to do the wrapping. :) Not at all.


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