“You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat!” – Steve Martin, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”
That’s the start (though not the finish) of a great cinematic tirade that most people have felt like unleashing at one time or another with rental car agencies, who are often staffed with loathsome bureaucratic baboons. But I plan to yell at nobody today, and instead, will focus on leaving the office by 3 p.m. to start the weekend.
Before that happens, however, let’s look at the hard stories of the week, many of which took place at The Teen Choice Awards where:
Miley Cyrus, star of Disney sitcom Hannah Montana, performed a pole dance this past Sunday at the Teen Choice Awards in Los Angeles.
Cyrus traded in her wholesome style for black hot-pants and leather biker boots as she took to the stage to sing 'Party in the USA' during the ceremony and during the performance, Cyrus, 16, gyrated and clutched at a metal pole.
Since then, Cyrus has been attacked by parents who are angry with the performance and feel it was not suitable for an audience of teenage girls. 
I thought that pole dancing was practically a required class at most schools these days, but I guess I was mistaken.
Also at the show, comedian Dane Cook had his quip about "High School Musical" star Vanessa Hudgens, 20, cut from the broadcast after Cook made reference to nude cell phone pics of Hudgens which have been circulating on the Internet.
On stage at the awards show, Cook looked towards Hudgens and said: "Girl, you gots to keep your clothes! Phones are for phone calls, girl."Cameras caught Hudgens looking very angry in her seat, and Fox later spliced the gag out of the awards show broadcast. 
Cook was especially angry because that’s the first semi-funny thing he’s uttered in years.
Finally, the Teen Awards Show also made news from the pre-show Red Carpet as comedian Kathy Griffin brought Levi Johnston - the teenage ex-fiance of Bristol Palin, daughter of former Alaska governor Sarah Palin – as her date to the ceremony.
“She’s beautiful and funny,” Johnston told Access Hollywood. “She’s the star of the night.” 
There were no reports about whether Johnston shed his Levi’s for Griffin later that night, which is probably a very good thing.
Kourtney Kardashian – Kim Kardashian’s older sister – announced this week that she is expecting her first child.
"We were in the Everglades and I kept feeling nauseous and sick," Kourtney tells E!. "I just kept thinking something wasn't right. ... I went to the doctor and he confirmed the news. I was just so shocked."
I’m shocked that anyone felt the need to report this story – even me.
Country music duo Brooks & Dunn, who dominated country music charts for almost two decades, said on Monday they would break up after a farewell tour next year.
Singer/guitarists Kix Brooks, 54, and Ronnie Dunn, 56, said in a statement that "it's just time" for the split, which surprised music industry observers.
"After 20 years of making music and riding this trail together, we have agreed as a duo that it's time call it a day," they said. "This ride has been everything and more than we could ever have dreamed.... We owe it all to you, the fans. If you hear rumors, don't believe them, it's just time."
Brooks and Dunn later added that together they will “ride off into the sunset, steer rope a dream they’ve been chasing, stay atop the wild bull of life for 8 seconds and perform any other western cliché you can imagine too.”
The Fox network announced that it will air a two-hour prime-time special later this month on the "Octomom," Nadya Suleman.
The documentary is scheduled for Aug. 19 and is called "Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage." It's billed as a look inside the life of the single mother of 14.
This is a surprising move by Fox considering their reputation for quality programming and overwhelmingly classy reporting.
After a nearly 20-year hiatus, actor Paul Reubens announced Monday that he would be playing Pee-wee Herman in a new stage show at the Music Box @ Fonda in Hollywood.
“I’ve put part of him away for a long time, but part of him has always been here with me,” Reubens said. “I think it will be like riding a bike — which is not a bad analogy for Pee-wee, by the way.” But he added: “I have some fear that he won’t be funny after all this time. I don’t want to ruin it.”
The production, titled “The Pee-wee Herman Show” and set to run Nov. 19-29, is a reimagined version of the actor’s original theatrical show of the same name that began at the Groundlings Theatre in 1981 and eventually led to an HBO special, TV series and the 1985 film “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure,” directed by Tim Burton. 
It also led to a charge of public indecency inside a porn theater, but I assume Reubens will leave that walk down memory lane out of the new production.
As always, let’s end with a gold image or two: 
There’s really never anything wrong with thongs or helping hands, so feel free to wear or offer them both today, find whatever position works best for you and . . . Happy Friday!
-BDS
I've never seen Cyrus preform until that show and I was like "ummm" but then I realized the pole was attached to an ice cream cart and thought "awww how cute"!
I'll admit it, but only here, I did watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians so I care about the baby news I really do (dripping with sarcasm)
Have a great weekend!
Miss Ash - I've still never seen her perform, and didn't realize the part abotu the cart, so thanks for that knowledge. And to the Kardashian end, I find Kim fairly attractive even though I'm not proud about it. Ha. Happy Friday.
"Planes, Trains, & Autos" is one of my favorites. "Bittersweet" since the director and main actor are gone now. Sorry to bring the comments section down. ha
Once again, that's all I got due to the parting image. DUUUHH
Have a good weekend...
Pee-Wee!!!!!!!! Loved that show. Phil Hartman as Capt. Karl? Laurence Fishburne? An amazing cast and just the show to watch while eating leftover cold pizza on a Saturday morning. I'm always glad to see him trying to kick start his career. Celebs have done far worse.
I'm so glad I don't have teenage daughters, that's all I'm gonna say about M.Cyrus.
Who are the Kardashians? Octo-mom's new best friend?
Happy Frieday!
Looks like Miley is fulfilling the usual career trajectory of all Disney starlets. TV show at 13. Album at 14. Movie at 15. Whore at 16. Britney, Christina, Hillary, now Miley. Who's next?
Dane Cook... Is that asshole still alive?
Isn't Kathy Griffin a carpet-muncher?
What the heck is a Kardashian anyway?
I'm cool with Brooks & Dunn.
Fox was the network that brought us: giraffes racing against midgets; who wants to marry a millionaire; and Family Guy so... A show about the octomom is actually a pretty big step towards credibility.
Pee Wee Herman was hilarious. So what if he whipped it out at a theatre. Can't the guy have some private time?
Happy Friday!
Jlee - A great movie that I need to explore again as it's been awhile. And it is kind of bittersweet if I remember correctly. Ha. Glad you liked the images & Happy Friday.
Boxer - It is kind of amazing the talent that Pee Wee attracted during his show and movie (Tim Burton directed it, wow). I wish him good luck and I figure his new show will do just fine. I figure you're right about ol' Miley and it's probably best not waste any brainpower on distinguishing Kardashians from Octomoms. Ha. But a good line nonetheless. Happy Friday.
WIGSF - Appreciate the detail, so Cyrus should already have enough money to last several lifetimes and meltdowns, Cook will live forever like the mighty cockroach, Griffin is straight, do a google search in images on Kardashian, Fox is Fox is Fox, and I'm all for private time & Pee Wee Herman. Good luck to him. Happy Friday.
Quick Heff Friday !!!
Happily, I missed the Teen Choice Awards, although seeing Miley work a pole would've been nice. Oh well, I'm quite sure she'll take that route again. Something just tells me so.
Dane Cook can be EDITED ? (Note to self...)
Hey, you shouldn't talk about Kathy Griffin's privates like that....Oh, you meant the ACTUAL red carpet, didn't you ?
Kourtney Kardasian is preggers ? Now I'm feeling nauseous and sick, also !
I've gotta call Bullshit regarding the end of Brooks and Dunn. They're simply waiting to clean up financially 5 years from now on a massive reunion tour titled "Brooks and Not-Quite Dunn !" You just can't keep lovers apart for very long.
I'll be busy during the airing of "Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage." I'll be taking a SHIT, which should also yeild some "incredible unseen FOOTAGE".
Paul Reubens in a THEATER production ?!? Probably NOT a good idea. Hmmm, I don't know....Perhaps they could pass out free lube to the patrons. It could work....
And in closing,
I've had a week that's seemed to put me on all fours as well. Perhaps I can get a helping hand once I return home. Which SADLY will be later than 3pm !!!
Have a good weekend, BDS !
Heff - Excellent work this week, so it's never too early to learn a trade that keeps your options open, I just never listen to Cook period which edits him quite well, great red carpet pun (should have thought of that one), I still dig Kim & her plus-sized posterior (know Kourtney is the pregnant one), figured the same thing about Brooks and Dunn and almost went with the Dunn pun but didn't - ha - , that's one long shit (I think the special is 2 hours), wrong theater production for Reubens, and sorry to hear it was a rough week as I've had better ones myself. Oh well, at least it's Friday, so . . . Happy Friday Heff. Give yourself a hand.
Not a huge Dane Cook fan, but he made a good point. Wish it hadn't been edited, no matter what kind of hissy Vanessa threw. I've warned my girls numerous times about the consequences of taking risque photos. At least in my day we only had Polaroids... which, luckily, fade over time.
I heard that quote from Planes, Trains and Automobiles on a recent podcast, and was choked up by it's brilliance. Thank you Mr. Hughes. If Hugens doesn't want people to comment on her nudity she should keep her clothes on and/or stop photographing said nudity. dumbass. And BTW,stand up straight. Levi Johnston with Kathy Griffin is just damned funny. Two attention whores make such a cute couple. And finally, I wonder if anyone will be interested in Myley Cyrus when she is over 20? Have a great weekend and Happy Friday!!
Wendy - I agree. Smart move warning your girls as I figure you can't hear that message enough these days. It will come back to haunt you - it's just a matter of how quickly. And great line about the polaroids. Ha. Happy Friday.
Linda - I agree about Vanessa completely, and really agree with 'Planes' and John Hughes shout-out - just great stuff. I have to watch that one again very soon. I also think Griffin and Johnston were made for each other even if it was only a stunt (had to be, right?). I would bet Cyrus fades as she passes 20, but you never know as I'm not her target audience anyway. Ha. Happy Friday (think I'm going to catch 'District 9' this weekend).
Great post and great puns and quips in the comments too. All I can add to that stellar effort is that you have finally mentioned a movie I have actually seen.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles was HILARIOUS though I also vaguely recall wanting to pull my hair out for Steve Martin in the end.
Have a bonza weekend B :)
Happy Friday Guys...
KayDee - Thanks as everyone was on their game today. Ha. Some weeks are like that I suppose. As for the movie, I think I recall that too, but as I mentioned, I definitely need to watch it again to refresh my memory. Happy Friday/Weekend around your part of the world.
Nobich - Happy Friday to you . . . dig the new profile pic too.
Thanks..I kinda like it myself
Oh but that's not me. Ha!
with pole dances like that, Miley is just asking for 50 year old men claiming to be her fiancé. Any day she will be married to one of her back up dancers and popping out a couple of kids... oh wait...
I think its funny as hell that Kathy Griffin brought Levi Johnston to the Teen Choice Awards. It just reinforces to all tween boys out there that its cool to knock up a politician's daughter. I mean, you get to hang with Kathy Griffin.
I watch Keeping up with the Kardashian's too, and I'm not ashamed to admit that Kim is sexy. Oh yes.
That octomom craziness is too much! Just when the rest of the world forgot all about her, we can count of Fox to reel us back in. pffft.
Was Pee Wee Herman ever funny? All I remember about that show was a giant tin foil ball.
side note: the word verification that I have to type in to publish this says 'testees'
I think the inevitable moment/moments when kiddie-stars do something slutty to signify "adulthood" needs a word of it's own. You be a wordsmith. Think of something better than "slut-cred" and you'll make the slang dictionary.
Amen on Dane Cook. Are there ANY funny comics out there these days?
Levi Johnston and Kat Griffin both need to go away forever.
Was Kardashian impregnated by a human or some sort of Everglades critter?
I believe this is the THIRD time Brooks and Dunn have announced they were splitting up.
Lastly, a THOUSAND dollars to anyone who knows where Paul Reubens (as pee-wee) made his Television debut!
ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS!
I win! I win!
The answer to the Troll's clever question is:
The Gong Show! He held his hand above a series of progressively larger candles and sang the "Do-Re-Me" scale. He wasn't gonged and won and later made some more unjudged appearances.
Uniquely funny dude, Reubens. Chucky Barris too!
That 1000 dollars will buy a lot of hooch! Dook! Dook! Dook!
Ummm...given all the crap Dane Cook spews and he gets censored for saying something a) funny and b) smart? What was censorable about that? This is one of those times I hate people...
Nobich - Good choice whether it's you or not, and feel free to stage the shot yourself at some point n the future. Ha.
Kmwthay - Appreciate the detail as always, so let's hope Cyrus doesn't model herself fully after Britney, I think that was a funny date choice myself, I don't watch the show but find Kim pretty damn attractive, I never cared about the Octomom and Fox will not change that, Pee Wee Herman is an acquired taste and you have to be in the right frame of mind to nejoy it, and that word ver works for a Friday. Ha. Happy Friday.
Troll Y2K - I bet there's already a good out there as it happens again and again (as you noted), but I'll give it some thought anyway. Funny comics are few and far between and I can't think of any off the top of my head, Griffin says something amusing every once in awhile, the report on Kardashian says no creature (though I wouldn't rule it out), the reunion tour is inevitable and great trivia question on Pee Wee. Now pay up to the Drinky Crow . . . would love to see a pic on yr. site handing over one of those over-sized checks. Ha. Happy Friday.
Drinky Crow - Great work. I had no idea as that is a good piece of trivia. Get your money & Happy Friday.
Bostonpobble - Seriously, what are the odds that Cook would utter something that contains both of those attributes again? It just adds salt in his wounds. Ha. Oh well, don't let it lower your opinion of people too much . . . :) Happy Friday.
I have a friend who watches Planes, Trains, and Automobiles every year around Thanksgiving. That scene is by far the best rant I've heard. I wanted to go on one just like it when I rented a car on Friday. The guy at the counter was a total asshole, so I left and went with another rental company. One that cost twice as much, but I wasn't going to give him my business even if it would have saved a ton of money. Fucker.
Native Minnow - Then, this was great timing for that quote, eh? Ha. Sorry as I know what you mean with those agencies as I've been there myself. Sorry to hear it though. But nice move passing on it.
I love Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I watch it every Thanksgiving and it still cracks me up. I'm curious to see if Pee-Wee still has it in him. I thought the movie was funny and it still is, but its certainly been awhile.
Farzan - I have got to watch 'Planes' again soon - very soon. And I agree 100% with you on Pee Wee as I'm pulling for him, but you never know when that much time has elapsed. We'll see, eh?